Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
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Top comments
Sadielovesyou 0
who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.
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Comments (212)
xxlowsnip3rxx 16
did you shoot anyone on that adventureous job? lol
medal9717 8
Nothing to do with the FML, but I respect you for your service. Oorah.
diesel_power 9
at least the Iraqis aren't wiping their crap on the walls
its_jonny_bro 16
Sounds like a shitty job