Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
oopsie_daisy8446 0
YDI for calling him your 'idiot' son. Obvoiusly he is young if he is saying 'tummy' not stomach. ******. :|
Paige_Nicole10 0
and how old is he? and this isnt really an fml
justmyluck1212 0
if he was like 10 year old, then that'd be really idiotic, but if he's younger, there's no use im calling him an idiot dad, he probably just takes after you
ayashe 2
YDI for not teaching your kid about the things you shouldn't eat.
Amkii 0
Like a lot of people have already said, obviously he's young and didn't know much better... little kids tend to not know stuff like that isn't good for them. Calling him an idiot is pretty harsh!
lovely997 0
FhisL for having a mom who calls her young son an idiot dumb ****
XanimalloverX 0
Calling your son an idiot is really harsh he's young what do you expect
18legalawesome 0
I would understand calling your sun an idiot if he were 18, but it appears that he hasn't hit puberty yet. You really shouldn't be a parent.
RavishMe77 0
Why the hell would you call your son an idiot, you idiot.
superjennyflies 0
YDI for having baking soda in your son's reach. Especially because your son sounds young since he said "tummy", and you called him an idiot. Learn to be a parent.