Animals: Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge...

By CheeseMonsters - 24/01/2010 12:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge watching TV with my dog. When I came back, I found her licking my dogs ears. She said he dared her to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 384

You deserved it 3 416

Animals

Own it

Late term

Dysfunctional

By ExtendedVacation - 23/02/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I submitted a vacation request to my manager and it was approved. I came back from lunch and was informed that I have been let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 836

You deserved it 2 444

By ElizaWy - 26/10/2016 15:52

Today, I celebrated my fifteen-week anniversary. No, not a relationship anniversary. A migraine anniversary. It won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 600

You deserved it 828

By unfortunate - 30/06/2013 04:45 - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 056

You deserved it 3 176

By MarBlu - 23/01/2014 12:53 - United States

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 576

You deserved it 16 411

By strikeout - 04/09/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I skipped class to take the girl I like to the airport, and after giving her a goodbye hug I kissed her on the cheek. She laughed and said "Maybe we should discuss some boundaries when I get back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 660

You deserved it 8 183

By Anonymous - 22/11/2011 15:09 - United States

Today, I was pulled over. The cop seemed very familiar. Turns out he was a relative of mine whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time. We had decent conversation and caught up. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 980

You deserved it 17 927

By Crystal Crackles - 06/12/2018 05:00

Today, I used my rear windsheild wiper and it shattered a large hole in the glass where the rotating part is. No one can repair the window until tomorrow afternoon. It's snowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 457

You deserved it 170

Put it all back

By WTFwhywouldyoudothat - 22/08/2011 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully, they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 024

You deserved it 4 352

We could be heroes…

By ally - 23/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Austin

Today, I was changing a wound bandage on one of my patient’s buttocks. I forgot to initial and date the bandage per hospital regulation. As I kneeled in to write, the patient let out the biggest loudest fart directly in my face. The worst part? Some of it sprayed out, some on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 150

By Noname - 14/03/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 997

You deserved it 81 885

By scared and alone - 13/03/2015 18:47 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 331

You deserved it 2 901

Cravings

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 02:04

Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 319

You deserved it 213

By SiegFail - 23/11/2017 05:00

Today, my students are asking friends and family to come to a charity event. That would be all well if they weren't constantly mixing up "Rally Against Genocide" and "Support Genocide Victims" and telling everyone to come to the "Rally to Support Genocide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 049

You deserved it 298

By lamesauce - 15/02/2009 10:32 - Canada

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 740

You deserved it 3 039

By LaundryVictim - 15/06/2016 20:50

Today, I picked up my laundry from the wash-and-fold and proceeded to put everything away. I noticed a hand towel that wasn't mine and made a mental note to return it; turned out they'd given me someone else's boxers as well. My boyfriend doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 462

You deserved it 1 117

By caqi33 - 08/03/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I now not have a sample, it looks like I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 159

You deserved it 8 981

By xmassmasher - 02/12/2014 07:52 - United States - Ruston

Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 739

You deserved it 4 587

By Anonymous - 27/07/2016 15:24 - United States - Coshocton

Today, my mom grabbed my phone, said she was taking it because I'd been disrespectful, and hung up my call. I'd been speaking with a work client. This is the gratitude I get for paying all her bills for the past 2 years, all because she's too lazy to get a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 894

You deserved it 1 904

By anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 894

You deserved it 72 952

By peridot1aa - 24/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 551

You deserved it 207

By Jade - 16/02/2011 05:55

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 317

You deserved it 42 527

By charlotte9338 - 23/10/2011 23:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 916

You deserved it 2 882

By stuckinalift - 18/02/2011 01:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I got stuck in a small elevator. It started to violently judder up and down after I pressed the 'Help' buzzer. The man on the intercom wouldn't stop laughing at how my voice was jumpy from the juddering movements before he called for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 885

You deserved it 2 896

By Terrance - 14/08/2019 23:01 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I tried to point out to a chap in a van waiting at the lights that his tyre was flat, and that the rim had been spitting sparks all the way down the road. I was told in no uncertain terms, “Mind your own bleedin' business!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 24/06/2018 15:00

Today, I was training a new volunteer at a clothing donation center. While explaining how to sort donations, I reached into a garbage bag full of clothes and something on my hand caught my eye. It was a bed bug. The bag was full of them and they sought refuge up my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 894

You deserved it 262

NFT FML

By Chris - 12/03/2021 20:01

Today, I'm still trying to get my head around what NFTs are, even though my friend walked me through the whole thing during an hour-long conversation. I guess I'm dumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 136

By BIZZMAL - 05/01/2011 02:44 - United States

Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 274

You deserved it 32 528

By krt - 03/10/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 034

You deserved it 7 771

By howembarrasing - 19/04/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for my hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jack ass and was saying how people like him give us a bad reputation on the beach. I then see him running to his choking daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 703

You deserved it 86 233

By pleasedtomeetyou - 13/01/2010 16:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 009

You deserved it 16 303

By squizzlebee - 24/02/2017 03:00 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I saw on Facebook that a friend left her job where I also used to work, as she posted a picture of her farewell gifts, including cards, balloons and cookies. Normally, I'd be happy for her, except when I left I was told they'd "stopped doing farewell presents", and as such, I'd got nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 439

You deserved it 716

By tmi4me - 26/05/2015 03:50 - United States

Today, my boss admitted she's having an affair. She's married to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 261

You deserved it 2 059

By TextsAlot - 26/08/2010 04:08 - Canada

Today, my husband has been out of town for a week. The only text I've got from him was, "I didn't take a poop today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 906

You deserved it 3 857

By Anonymous - 14/02/2019 14:52 - United States - Hartford

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 981

You deserved it 3 355

Now hiring. Please.

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 11:01 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, have a Master’s degree in chemistry and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 190

By catlady5569 - 27/08/2009 08:13 - United States

Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 077

You deserved it 4 350

By Jersey girl - 08/12/2016 07:58 - United States - Miami

Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 488

You deserved it 713

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 19:34 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 152

You deserved it 9 524

Awkwaaaaaaard

By Zoe Avila - 09/08/2011 22:55 - United States

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 826

You deserved it 9 043

No one is that good in bed, surely

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 16:59

Today, my ex-boyfriend is still stalking me after several years. I asked him why he doesn't just move on and let me be. He replied that I drove him crazy one time when we were intimate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 112

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Top comments

Blahp 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:11

Yay for weird friends!

nikkers 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:23

least the dog only dared her to lick its ears...

Blahp 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:11

Yay for weird friends!

toxic10uhc 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 4:40

or stoned friends? >_>

killerviral 0

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 1:45

muuuusssshhhhroooommmmmssss <(•.•)>

myknewverr 0

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Friday 26 November 2010 7:09

the dog talks to her!! haha

TodayImAlive 0

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Friday 10 August 2012 5:14

wowed friend are cool.

baconsdelight701 17

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Monday 21 October 2013 14:13

FML? More like WTF?

BigHunt 2

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:11

That's pretty gross. She said the dog dared her? She must be off her rocker

hailster17 5

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:11

I hope you cut your friend off at that point. I would have taken her drink and just drank it myself.

cutebuttshorty 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:12

ummmmmm this I weird! mmk

sm_shelby 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:15

your friend is a freak. thats it.

beachycat 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:15

WTF? Disgusting

chocolateperson1 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:18

Can i six lettered word that means crazy a$$ or you friend?

chocolateperson1 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:26

*your

lil_junkie69 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 12:00

ur cutea

nikkers 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:23

least the dog only dared her to lick its ears...

Bojanglies 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 23:42

I hear that

toxic10uhc 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 4:43

kah büm!

amira101 20

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:23

creepy

HanaxD 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:28

Lmao. This put this funny image in my head, I imagined MY friends doing that xD Seriously, your friend is weird. Licking a dogs ears is weird on it's own, don't even get me started on the statement "The dog dared me." :O