Miscellaneous: Today, as I was about to leave my house in my brand new heels,... - FML

By juwkgo - 17/02/2010 15:05 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave my house in my brand new heels, I stepped on a dead mouse. My heel went through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 994

You deserved it 5 573

Our house, in the middle of our street

Good kid

Scammers gonna scam

By lifebecrazed - 17/01/2013 16:57

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 277

You deserved it 2 946

Advent calendar time!

By firemansam - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 521

You deserved it 29 683

By Pissed - 20/06/2016 19:27 - United States - Asheville

Today, I purposefully spilt my 44oz. cup of water on myself at work, because spending the rest of the day in soaking wet pants was less embarrassing than letting people know I'd pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 275

You deserved it 2 925

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 19:51 - South Africa

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 744

You deserved it 3 098

By disgruntled - 09/12/2015 15:01

Today, my boss is writing me up for not signing a report before I left work. He refused to print the report that day, and I don't have access to the printers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 236

You deserved it 1 498

Data engineer struggles

By Jay - 09/06/2021 17:01 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I told my supervisor that I want to do the work I was hired to do, which is Data Engineer. He told me he doesn't have the workload for another data engineer, and needs someone with people skills. He's very happy with the current situation. I left my previous job because of the same problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 71

By Anon - 10/05/2009 12:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 177

You deserved it 4 225

By Thomas - 13/12/2009 06:46 - Canada

Today, I woke up to find my parents singing "Happy birthday" with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 668

You deserved it 2 711

By SkottLong - 10/03/2015 06:19 - United States - Logan

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 267

You deserved it 8 396

By Anonymous - 28/09/2015 09:01 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 841

You deserved it 4 660

By Anonymous - 25/07/2017 00:30

Today, after 26 years of confusion with my parents pronouncing it different ways, and in my mom's case, multiple ways, having to clear up how it's spelled every time I meet someone, I asked my mom how to pronounce my name. She got mad and then pronounced it three different ways while explaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 433

You deserved it 420

By iFail - 29/01/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 720

You deserved it 8 916

Congratulations. Or not.

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 14:03

Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 1 995

By dumped - 22/06/2019 01:18 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How? He invited my mother to his house for coffee with his parents, and told her. She then had to come home and tell me I’d been dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 972

You deserved it 116

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 21:59 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 915

You deserved it 3 795

By RKE - 05/11/2009 02:12 - United States

Today, I went to our school golf banquet, after being with the team and practicing every day for a few months with them. When it came time to get the certificates, all the names were called out. Except for mine. When I asked the coach where my certificate was, he said "Who are you?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 526

You deserved it 3 305

Size zero

By Hannah - 27/03/2021 05:01

Today, I have been trying for 5 days to gain weight. Which for me, requires stuffing myself to the point of exploding. I haven’t slept in days because I'm constantly digesting food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 232

By Meh - 18/07/2009 15:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 890

You deserved it 8 498

Observational comedy

By Anonymous - 17/09/2020 22:59

Today, I, an insecure high school student, told my 11-year-old sister that I got my period in third grade. She responded with, “What?! Then how come you didn’t have tits until last year?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 146

By Crawlinginmymemes - 02/10/2016 18:46 - United States - Danvers

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 905

You deserved it 1 970

Smells like Toddler Spirit

By anon - 06/03/2017 00:00

Today, a toddler threw up on my backpack mid-flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 547

You deserved it 364

By Anonymous - 02/06/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 057

You deserved it 17 512

The end of the road

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 23:04

Today, after my parents treating love like a war, always trying to score some sort of victory over each other, while me and my wife never argued a day in our lives, I’m the one staring down the barrel of divorce, while my parents have been happily married for over 50 years. I just don’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 338

By maddie - 06/11/2013 05:06 - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 290

You deserved it 7 513

By anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:48 - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 293

You deserved it 5 597

By whydoidothis - 03/10/2014 11:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 476

You deserved it 3 969

Stuck

By clutzasaurus - 03/05/2013 05:35 - United States - Odessa

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 819

You deserved it 3 430

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 12:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 250

You deserved it 2 970

By hypebeast - 28/01/2009 15:00 - United States

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a moderator. Instead, I got banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 039

You deserved it 32 146

By IkeTheIntern - 18/09/2015 20:02 - Canada

Today, my boss told me to stop giving work to our college intern because it's an embarrassment to have someone who hasn't finished college working for him. This is the same boss who constantly brags about being a high school drop out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 290

You deserved it 1 558

By reality_stricken - 04/11/2009 14:00 - Guam

Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 362

You deserved it 8 124

In these times

By Dee Dee - 22/05/2020 08:00

Today, my husband and I purchased a new-used truck, after being assured for weeks by the company owner we work for that the company will remain open. Later, we received an email saying that the office is closing permanently. Our jobs are "secure", but he needs help selling and moving the equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 122

He can run, but he can't hide

By Depressedegg - 08/03/2017 18:00

Today, my toddler realised that my pregnancy means I can't move easily anymore. He celebrated his freedom by doing everything he's not allowed to, and staying just outside my reach at all times. He loves his new game, and it looks like he's not going to stop anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 617

You deserved it 782

By maggierose171 - 19/05/2012 15:08 - United States - Rosendale

Spicy

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 173

You deserved it 5 706

Bored

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 22:58 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my alcoholic dad finally came to see to my last dance recital after years of never showing up to watch me. He got kicked out of the audience for snoring too loud. I could hear him from the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 50

By staciedee - 01/06/2010 09:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 107

You deserved it 4 938

By Good choice cat - 24/02/2014 19:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that I'm the only person in my family that our new cat likes. She sleeps on my bed and always sits in my lap and despises everyone else. I'm allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 630

You deserved it 4 498

By headache - 23/02/2015 01:41 - United States

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 533

You deserved it 5 195

By Anonymous - 19/09/2013 18:12 - United States - Tustin

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 926

You deserved it 41 043

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 826

You deserved it 7 428

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Top comments

pancakes_n_syrup 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:08

Maybe you should clean your house of mice

FernandoTorres_fml 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:09

Yum, mouse kebab, did you save any for me? :D

Comments

pancakes_n_syrup 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:08

Maybe you should clean your house of mice

whoadangitssam 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:24

yeah seriously, why was there a dead mouse in your house? and how did you not see it?

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Thursday 18 February 2010 0:02

...what a derranged thing to say... LMFAO xD!

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:29

Maybe the mouse was sneaky and got into a warm house during its final hours, but couldn't go any further, and died. But srsly, I agree w u #1 Sanitation Fail!!

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:59

Well atleast the mouse was already dead...

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Thursday 18 February 2010 0:10

well look on the bright side: at least it wasn't alive to jump at your face and slide down your throat and THEN die

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Thursday 18 February 2010 0:26

What kind of shit hole of a place do you live. You might want to consider moving.

jollykilla704 0

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Thursday 18 February 2010 1:17

*sings* she's got style, she's got grace...

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Thursday 18 February 2010 1:19

you should call Basil the Great Mouse Dete- Oh...wait...awkward...=X

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Thursday 18 February 2010 1:56

omg this happened to me too!!! it is really disgusting

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Thursday 18 February 2010 1:56

mmmmmm brake that hell off, put it in an oven for 10 minutes, add salt and pepper to taste, bam....mouse on a stick de jouer!

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Thursday 18 February 2010 2:18

lmao #70!

IthicaTheDragon 0

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Thursday 18 February 2010 2:26

maybe she was outside, going to her car to leave.

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Thursday 18 February 2010 2:50

there was a dead mouse in our couvh and we didnt notice. it chewed a hole in the back of the couch and went in through the vents. mice arent something that are noisy and stuff. they hide in small places.

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Thursday 18 February 2010 3:01

She's got legs, she knows how to use them... Psst, #87, how did a dead mouse chew through the couch? ;) I don't even know how that could happen. I suspect YDI but FYL anyway.

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Thursday 18 February 2010 4:44

Maybe she has a cat who goes outside. They always bring in dead animals, which are usually mice and birds.

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Thursday 18 February 2010 5:13

sish-ka-bob

AnonymousGalifrey 1

Thursday 18 February 2010 5:15

you mean detroit? hahaha

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Thursday 18 February 2010 5:17

uahh...I have tacobell I JUST got and WAS JUST about to eat...but now I can't. I'm mnetally destrrbed and sickens out. xp haha

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Thursday 18 February 2010 8:05

#78, you know "jouer" means "to play", right? And to everyone, just because there is a rat doesn't mean it's a poor area - rats are everywhere.

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Thursday 18 February 2010 8:49

@sundog- a mouse can get in any house any where u dumb fuckin noob

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Thursday 18 February 2010 14:18

so fucking what, clean your heels and get over it!!

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Thursday 18 February 2010 18:08

does no one on this site own a cat.... a cats sole purpose in life is to bring almost dead mice to your doorstep as a thank-you gift for feeding them and giving them a place to sleep... and then you step on it when you leave the house because they always to manage to gift you at the worst possible day im assuming this is what happened to the op

tencentsakiss 19

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Tuesday 27 April 2010 22:20

117, mice and rats are completely different animals...

JacksonCampbell 9

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 9:41

Anyone else think of deadmau5?

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Saturday 25 June 2011 15:00

Did someone say deadmau5??? :D

Gummybears4life 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:08

I am sooooo sorry....>.< eeewwww

FernandoTorres_fml 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:09

Yum, mouse kebab, did you save any for me? :D

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:21

nice

vvn91 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:50

I want some too! Gimme!!!

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:57

Why would you want a mutilated mouse corpse

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Thursday 18 February 2010 0:40

if same op... she found the daddy! DX

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Thursday 18 February 2010 2:58

How did you know the mouse was dead? That means you saw it.... Are you sure you didn't kill it, with your hooker heels?

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Thursday 18 February 2010 5:44

mmm with BBQ sawsh ? delish

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Sunday 21 February 2010 18:09

good point #88

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 7:20

Awww ...ur so lucky now you have a lunch :)

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:09

I can just say... EWW and FYL if they were nice shoes then wash them with something or there are places where they could clean it.

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:09

those are some sharp heels

BlaiseTheCraze 0

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Thursday 18 February 2010 0:29

you could probably kill someone with those.

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:11

how do you know it was dead beforehand?

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:11

ewww!

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:12

yep...fuck ur life

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:13

poor mousie..

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:14

Unless you have a cat, or maybe even a dog, there's no excuse for a dead mouse to be lying amongst the floor. Maybe FYL because it's gross, but YDI for not noticing (or smelling) a dead mouse in front of you.

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Thursday 18 February 2010 0:13

yeah?! cuz where u live the ground is made of mice leftovers?!

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Thursday 18 February 2010 1:02

Killer heels!!

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:14

eeewwww did it make a squishy noise??!!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 1

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 149