Animals: Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was...

By killer - 17/07/2010 14:54 - United States

Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was a wall behind me, so I tried to jump over him. He changed course, and I landed on him. It crunched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 761

You deserved it 8 094

Animals

Mama's boy

This Charming Man

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By katie06 - 28/10/2010 06:39 - United States

Today, my dad explained to me the "chain of command" for our house. McKinley, Mom, himself, Charlie, then me. McKinley is my two year old daughter and Charlie is the dog. He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 053

You deserved it 5 696

By sick - 06/10/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, I got up and left for work despite being really sick, because I had a big meeting. Halfway to work, in deadlocked traffic, my boss texts me to let me know he's rescheduling the meeting to tomorrow because of personal conflicts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 780

You deserved it 2 824

By seepeezy32 - 02/02/2011 02:32

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 296

You deserved it 71 271

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 19:35

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 456

You deserved it 4 007

By Arghh - 13/04/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I had an allergic reaction to cranberry juice. The only reason I was drinking cranberry juice was to help with a bladder infection. Now I'm covered in what looks like a rash and peeing constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 840

You deserved it 3 318

That'll do

By worstaunty - 04/03/2020 18:01 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, I had to pick my 2 year-old nephew up from day care for the first time. When the lady asked me who I was there to pick up, I realized I didn't know his actual name because we all call him "Bebe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 2 133

By killme - 07/03/2015 18:42 - United States - Broomfield

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 082

You deserved it 3 668

By sarahh38 - 16/09/2009 18:23 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 139

You deserved it 105 305

By 12345678 - 31/12/2009 08:01 - United States

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 445

You deserved it 5 681

By make america date again - 10/02/2016 17:49 - United States - Blacklick

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, I've now been told that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 603

You deserved it 1 368

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 19:07 - United States

Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 519

You deserved it 21 092

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 521

You deserved it 2 571

By jen - 16/01/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 719

You deserved it 27 783

By vcarder - 26/09/2009 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 598

You deserved it 6 350

By Anonymous - 21/06/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I was thinking about how people say if you're gradually introduced to a smell or you're forced to deal with enough, you'll stop noticing it. And how untrue that is. Especially when your roommates sneak a dead rabbit under your bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 341

You deserved it 2 864

By rbeast - 21/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 622

You deserved it 4 143

By myrkes - 10/09/2015 11:09 - Switzerland - Marstetten

Today, it's the day before my friends' wedding. My dress has not yet been shipped from the online shop where I ordered it three weeks ago, the hand-crafted gift that was ordered last month is trapped at customs and my cats have just managed to open the drawer and eat the wedding card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 079

You deserved it 3 012

By Anonymous - 30/12/2014 09:57 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 082

You deserved it 2 964

By Anonymous - 04/03/2015 18:20 - United States

Today, I had my first concert and was really anxious about screwing up my performance. Good news: I played fine. Bad news: as I walked off the stage, I tripped over my own feet, face-planted the floor, and busted my nose open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 676

You deserved it 3 033

By Wanaaa - 25/11/2016 07:08 - France - Toulouse

Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 568

You deserved it 1 263

By flattened - 10/02/2011 10:58

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 587

You deserved it 8 488

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 19:16 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 206

You deserved it 2 568

By Curly - 09/01/2013 00:26 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 316

You deserved it 2 717

By -___- - 14/09/2013 00:37 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 553

You deserved it 5 615

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 06:13 - Singapore

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 688

You deserved it 3 813

By newbornphotog - 03/05/2016 13:20 - Germany - Berchtesgaden

Today, I finally realized I've spent the last 6 years building a business I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 735

You deserved it 2 100

By college0001 - 20/01/2016 06:06 - United States - Burlington

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 772

You deserved it 1 821

By LawSchoolBoi - 30/04/2019 00:00

Today, I told my roommate she had to pay $55 to replace a piece of the oven she broke. She told me I was being selfish and decided to illegally break our lease because I was, "making her feel unsafe." Now I not only have to pay for the oven repair, I also have to pay her next two month's rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 178

By RevolutionLove - 10/12/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at my vagina for 25 minutes as part of their training. At one point the doctor apologized for having to "open me up more than usual", but said she wanted everyone to get a good view. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 363

You deserved it 5 349

By Not Wanted - 07/09/2014 01:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 864

You deserved it 4 658

By Pancakegirl - 18/06/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 749

You deserved it 4 020

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 3 220

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 12:18

Today, I found out that someone left an open sharpie pen in the dryer. It left pen marks on everything inside of the dryer. Not just one or two pen marks, but nearly 1,000 on each article of clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 160

By suckmeoff - 12/04/2009 07:21 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 150

You deserved it 3 459

Brain fog

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 20:01

Today, I was at the dentist and got laughing gas to lessen the anxiety I get from the numbing shots. When I was good and "relaxed", an assistant leaned real close and said, "Open wide." I just stared back at her and widened my eyes. She had to clarify she was talking about my mouth. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 211

By gettingacat - 17/12/2009 14:32 - United States

Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 791

You deserved it 5 588

No kidding

By huh? - 23/06/2020 05:02

Today, I was ecstatic that the pregnancy test I took was negative. I went to high five my boyfriend as I told him the good news. Apparently, it’s monstrous, unladylike and weird for a woman to not want children. When I pointed out he doesn’t want kids either, he said, "That’s normal for guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 198

By TubaAssassin - 28/11/2017 06:00

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 795

You deserved it 278

By lhazel - 17/09/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 180

You deserved it 2 065

By Anonymous - 27/02/2013 17:36 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 183

You deserved it 6 557

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Top comments

Monado 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:19

New version of mouse trap?

ArtIsResistance7 1

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:21

Your cat-like reflexes would make you an excellent ninja. Poor mousie :[

Monado 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:19

New version of mouse trap?

sasukesharingan 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:21

dead to América Infidels

xXLeeLeeXx 2

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:21

lol @ 1 better than the cage?? that would be a weird feeling I think

LolAtYourFail 12

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:21

what?

louie111887 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:21

ouch poor lil mouse

SeeBrendenBurn 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:23

Well, that solves tonight's dinner issue.

Monado 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:24

I enjoy how instead of comments being made after the first, they reply to it instead =P

ShorTiE4LyFe 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:30

:'( Poor mousie. May you rest in pieces.

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:33

spaceshan69 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:35

oh wow you killed a mouse... your life is so fucked.

Giorgio272 2

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:51

I'd like to gives thanks to monsanto. if only they though of this before agent orange. god bless monsanto.

7mood75 7

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:53

Poor Jerry, Tom is really happy now.

chocolatedrop 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:56

oh...nasty..

wiggz1990 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 21:34

why is it an fml ??? because u killed a disgusting mouse that eats everything ?? or that u stained the carpet ??

RachelBerry_fml 5

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Saturday 17 July 2010 21:37

44- OP may have been outside and maybe she feels bad for killing it as a girl i know that would freak me out o.O

HonestJoe 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 21:47

I would have screamed my lungs out until I started coughing up blood!!

JokingJoe 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 22:16

if only mice could post FMLs.

eazyeeze 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 22:26

Today, my mom, Minnie told me that my dad, Mickey had a whale drop on him, hence taking his life. Now my mom has to do triple run to get that cheese and raise our rat pack. Fuck you, Free Willy!  FML

ILoveMyXbox 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 22:52

too bad he's stupid

sexybitch92 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 22:59

ewwwwwwwww !!! nasty as hell. fyl for going through that lol.

msyelowbubblegum 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 0:15

awwwww :( poor mouse!!! eww too thts nasty.. i culdnt live if i ever stomped on a mouse i would feel soo bad and disgusted blegh! aww:(

megiscool123 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 0:15

haha great description..."it crunched" hahaha

hahaiseeyou 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 0:41

its more like f the mouses life

zltzlt 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 1:09

it was a female!!!!!

zakkyzebra 11

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Sunday 18 July 2010 1:20

WINNNN

11colio11 4

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Sunday 18 July 2010 1:25

so you killed a mouse. that sucks for the mouse! what are you whinging about?

thatonek1d 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 1:30

it's a mouse!! don't be a pussy!

gamefreak935 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 1:58

wow this us a gay fml I don't see how stepping on a mouse is a fml ...ooooh big deal

lovesuckz123 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 3:18

Ew! x] God that must Suck.

_Vamp_ 9

Sunday 18 July 2010 4:59

Oh god, you killed Jerry you bastard!

numbers878 8

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Sunday 18 July 2010 5:32

save me the ribs please

granthm 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 5:42

kill shot

isaiaha11 2

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Sunday 18 July 2010 6:19

this seems like a win

CraZyxo5665 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 6:44

come pa we eatin good tonight!

FreddyMustDie 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 6:50

You cruel person

christa953 12

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Sunday 18 July 2010 7:51

ydi for killing a mouse

comedychick 1

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Sunday 18 July 2010 7:57

ooooo that's terrible!

immazombeastxD 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 8:13

BOOM FALCON... STOMP

kennyFTW3fiddy 0

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 16:14

fag

ArtIsResistance7 1

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:21

Your cat-like reflexes would make you an excellent ninja. Poor mousie :[

allen20 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:39

i saw someone kick a squirrel yesterday how sad

softballgirl16 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:23

well you got rid of it

senalina 0

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Saturday 9 July 2011 10:04

i would have used a mouse trap but hey if it works!!

nateball 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:23

fat ass mouse killer!!

JeffGoesRawrr 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:24

Why is this such a big deal.? These FMLs are getting worse by the days. 

ShorTiE4LyFe 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:32

Maybe the OP doesn't like KILLING?!

mackmillydilly 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 22:11

Yeah, ew. I don't even like killing bugs, let alone a rodent.

lorenzobalderas 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:26

I have a lot of mice in my back yard can I hire u?

chasin_butterfli 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:27

Pretty gross. My boyfriend ran over a possum and I heard it pop. Very disturbing.

BrownSugar_fml 5

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:47

Pop goes the possum!

LightningLadyy 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 22:57

hahaha!

angeldogeyes 14

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Thursday 19 March 2015 23:50

Aw man.. That made me sad

erockinthesuburb 17

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:28

You murderer!!!!!111one

picklezz123 5

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:28

F the mouse's life

Arsonnist 3

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:30

Why is "it crunched" the punchline? What did you expect it to do?

ruby29 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:35

lol at 16.

Asscake 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 21:47

I believe that's her "FML". Even I still have a horrible memory of accidentally stepping on many beetles and hearing that disgusting and horrible crunch. Gives me goosebumps. never gonna get it out of my mind. ever.