Miscellaneous: Today, I clogged the toilet in the one-man bathroom at the corner...

By coolster5000 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I clogged the toilet in the one-man bathroom at the corner store, with a line of about 5 people waiting outside. FML

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coolster5000 tells us more :

OP here, I find all of your "shitty situation" comments very unoriginal;) but funny all the same. I ended up just telling them I went in and found the toilet like that, but I'm not sure they believed me whatsoever.

Miscellaneous

Proactive

Lockdown is driving us down

Bad guy (duh)

By Anonymous

Today, I started a new job at a glass shop and my boss asked me to vacuum. I ended up tipping over and shattering the most expensive bong in the shop, which retailed at $3,000. FML

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By ElaborateScheme - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

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12642

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By mal - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

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33006

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By Starter656

Today, I'm the designated driver for a Christmas party I wasn't even invited to. Not only do I get to watch people have a good time, but I'm also supposed to not get involved in the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4294

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 14:01

America's Funniest Home Videos

Today, I found out that a guy who works overnights had secretly been videotaping me singing and dancing to my favorite songs while I worked my own graveyard shift. My new nickname at work is 'Prancy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1119

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By shameonme - United States - Nampa

Today, I found out one of my friends had never seen the "Two Girls, One Cup" video, so I loaded it up and told him to watch it. I knew he was squeamish, but I didn't expect him to actually pass out. He cracked his head on the side of my desk and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, my boss told me that if I didn't become his neighbor on Farmville I wouldn't have a job. I laughed. He didn't. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while trying to help my disabled uncle into his walker, his one testicle popped out of the leg of his short shorts. I asked him to adjust himself and had to hold on to his walker as he did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2363

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By etahrabayraa - 27/6/2020 08:08

Instadrama

Today, I was stalking a popular girl from my high school's account and my phone went bonkers. It looks like I liked and disliked the same video of hers over and over. I disabled my Instagram account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

609

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

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21700

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By poor_college_kid - United States - Tucson

Today, I found out that I owe my college a little over $10,000. Why? Because, due to a slight misspelling of my name, the scholarship that I have been going insane trying to meet the requirements for is not actually giving me any funding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12548

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By XxJennJennXxX - United States

Today, I got fired. My coworker decided to imitate my voice, stand outside of my boss's office door, and say insulting things about his daughter. FML

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36796

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I heard water splashing outside of my house; I investigated it, only to find my dad, whom I don't live with, syphoning gas out of my car. FML

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39992

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By northernlass - United States

Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML

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By my eyes!! - 27/5/2020 08:00

Knock next time

Today, I walked in on my husband's elderly parents getting it on. It’s beautiful they still love each other, I just wish they hadn’t decided to express that love on our living room sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1775

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By LosTits - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said "I think your tits are smaller." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53664

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By leah_kascar - United States - Hialeah

Today, in the class I'm teaching, I assigned my students an essay to complete for homework. One student asked me if I was deducting points for bad spelling. I teach English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16921

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By no she wasn't high - United States - Garland

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

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47767

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2020 17:01

Wow, thanks, I'm cured!

Today, my dad told me that I'm a weak and negative person because I suffer from depression and anxiety, then he told me to just snap out of it. FML

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By ulring - United States

Today, I walked all the way across campus to eat the first meal I've had all day. After waiting for my food in a congested line for 30 minutes, I got to the register to pay. Turns out my wallet was a twenty minute walk away, back in my apartment. FML

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By nature

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

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3264

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By Alex - United States

Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34489

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By doodler - United States - Hurst

Subconscious

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

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38028

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By wolfpacking - France

Today, I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist pumping. We hit a bump, I fist pumped myself in the face, and crashed into a stop sign. FML

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13107

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By K_M - Malaysia

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

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10225

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By pantless - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went to a McDonald's drive-thru in just a shirt and underwear, thinking I wouldn't be seeing anyone. I got into a car crash. FML

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8200

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

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32528

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By 2for1 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

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By julichlove - United States - Louisville

Today, I didn't feel like going to work, so I called in sick. Five hours later while out shopping, I got hit by a car at a crosswalk. Now I'm laid-up in the local hospital, really wishing I was with the guys at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18767

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By Dog fart - United States

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

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44358

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2020 08:00

Stolen valor

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a picture a popular girl I don't talk to had posted of her fake ID. She had used my full name and identical signature. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML

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By K-Rat - United States

Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML

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9379

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By KitKat270 - Canada

Today, my mom informed me that she wouldn't be joining the rest of the girls in the limo ride to the church for my wedding ceremony because she wants to have her car with her. Why? Because she is planning to leave my wedding reception half way through to go home and take her dog out to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52597

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By highlandgirl10 - Canada

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52974

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Green Lane

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27877

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By wimp - United States

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15459

You deserved it

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By pussyOUT - United States

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44126

You deserved it

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By Surewhatever

Not on a plane

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

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1360

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Top comments

By ZoroMiHawk | 25

#6280386 - Sunday 3 May 2015 12:36

Just come out exclaiming your disgust at how you found a clogged toilet and warn the others in queue about it ;)

By briang959 | 46

#6280398 - Sunday 3 May 2015 12:43

Own it and tell everyone to not eat the fried chicken at that store.

COMMENTS

By KayDee29 | 31

#6280377 - Sunday 3 May 2015 12:27

Boy that sure is a crappy situation! Okay, I'll go reevaluate my life choices now...

HarshD9619 | 34

#6280413 - Sunday 3 May 2015 12:56

You probably should....

Epikatz | 22

#6280414 - Sunday 3 May 2015 12:58

You knew better..

OhYouMad | 12

#6280705 - Sunday 3 May 2015 20:56

Gettin' real tired of your shit.

noah_1234 | 24

#6281991 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 6:49

your name fits in so well

thebakingseal | 22

#6283108 - Wednesday 6 May 2015 12:14

What a waste of a perfectly good FML comment spot

By tacojauns | 45

#6280378 - Sunday 3 May 2015 12:29

Run, just run before they notice

By Scryll | 17

#6280382 - Sunday 3 May 2015 12:32

Well... Shit...

By briang959 | 46

#6280383 - Sunday 3 May 2015 12:32

I can't wait to read the "shitty situation" comments in 3...2...1. They're so original.

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6280493 - Sunday 3 May 2015 15:47

Verbally anticipating the inevitable puns is just as bad as the puns themselves.

coklara | 15

#6281143 - Monday 4 May 2015 6:34

Anticipating about anticipating comments is equally awful.

False_Stupidity | 41

#6281145 - Monday 4 May 2015 6:38

On tipoff #4 being too late since #1 is exactly that

Drosophila82 | 18

#6281974 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 6:14

That's actually ironically savvy... I don't understand what dorks would give you negative reviews... WHO DID THIS MAN OFFEND TO GET NEGATIVE 24 THUMBS DOWN! It must be the Sarcastically Impaired!

By rydin10 | 18

#6280385 - Sunday 3 May 2015 12:36

I mean there's only two options really. One is to tell the people to hold on and notify the employees, and the other is to simply just bolt and never see any of them again :l

Stazza11 | 27

#6280980 - Monday 4 May 2015 2:51

The second option sounds more like my kind of reaction. No explanation just bust out of the doors running and screaming like a mad man with a trail of toilet paper stuck to your shoe.