Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML
Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML
Today, after weeks of watching Michael Jackson videos non-stop, my boyfriend learned how to moonwalk. Now he does it literally everywhere. I can't even cross the street without him moonwalking behind me. FML
Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML
Today, my girlfriend made a patronising post on Facebook, "to all you guys out there" saying how having sex with a drunk person is straight-up, 100% rape. I pointed out that she's had sex with me several times after I've come home drunk. That pissed her off. Now I'm single. FML
Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the local church, when I heard a banshee-like wail behind me. Assuming it was one of my friends, I wailed right back and ran. Turned out there was actually a funeral going on, and the wail was from one of the bereaved. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML
Today, my dad told my girlfriend that she's the son he never had. FML
célinelisie tells us more.
Hey it's the op, My dad loves to embarrass me and challenge my manhood because I'm his only son of 6 kids. He's done this all my life. He used to yell at me on the field during my football games calling me a pussy. He even told my senior drill instructor at my basic combat training graduation ceremony that he hoped my drill sergeant put hit foot up my ass every day that I was there. No I'm not gay. My dad just likes to mess with me. I've gotten used to it and I actually find it funny now.
Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML
Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML
Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved in with me. I just walked into my kitchen to find my thirty year-old, perfectly seasoned cast iron skillet completely submerged in soapy water in the sink, presumably from last night when he washed the dishes. FML
miss_strauss tells us more.
OP here. I had cooked a dinner in a sort of celebration of our first night living together, and he offered to do the dishes afterwards. I happily agreed and asked him to leave the skillet for me because it requires extra TLC. When I woke up and found it this morning, I went to work making sure there wasn't too much damage done, and he was horrified when realized what he did. I couldn't be mad at him, because he was only trying to help. Also, for those wondering about why I've kept a skillet for this long. I'm only 23, but it was my grandmothers and then my dad inherited it when she passed away. He passed it on to me when I went to college and got my own apartment. Cast iron, if maintained and loved properly, can be the best tool of a good kitchen and can last forever. It's really not strange to small town southerners to have cast iron pans that are older than them:P
Today, it was the first day in my life that I fell into a toilet because someone left the toilet seat up. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I found out my family refers to my room as "The Virgin Cave". FML
Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML
Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML
Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML
Today, one of my professors left a cabinet door open whilst teaching class. The compulsion to get up and close it was so strong that I could barely concentrate on what was being taught. FML
ChiefKoala tells us more.
Okay. Wow I can't believe this got posted! So anyway, I do this at home. Like before I go to bed I HAVE to make sure the two doors that lead outside are locked and that every cabinet door in the house is closed. And I probably do have OCD, As I have anxiety and Severe depression to boot as well. For those wondering: I didn't get up and close it for a few reasons. 1.) I didn't want to interrupt him. 2.) I figured he would find it rude and stupid to just get up and close a door that probably only bothered me. And 3.) I have anxiety, so getting up or even speaking in a class full of students is damn near impossible. Also, all of his lectures are also on Momentum (Which is basically how we email our teachers and get all the material we need for the class like the syllabus and shit) so I've already looked over what he taught for today. And to the person who said "i would not do anything, because im not compulsive about minor things like that." That's fantastic. Why don't you give yourself a pat on the back? I live with and am stuck around people who see that as "minor" and don't do anything about it. I know what a "normal" person looks like. I can't help it. I know it's minor, and i know that i shouldn't worry about it or be bothered by it. But I literally can't help it. So forgive me for being different. Thanks to the person who made the "Close" joke. OR if you were even making a joke. Regardless, i found it relatively funny and it made me giggle.
Today, my parents installed spyware on my computer after reading an article about teens ordering drugs from the deep web. Now I'm too afraid to watch porn because I don't want my parents to know when I'm jacking off. FML
AustinFFA tells us more.
AustinFFA 11
I'm allowed to watch it. I'm 16. It's just awkward that they know when I'm watching
Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML
Today, two teen girls got into a shouting match at the table next to mine at the food court. Sensing a fight brewing, I got up to leave. I stood up just in time for one of the girls to throw her tray, which missed her target and hit me in the head. FML
LiLMAMA0523 tells us more.
OP here! This actually happened to me sometime last year when I worked at an outlet. I ran into the first girl awhile back (who works at a store there) while shopping and we were laughing about it. Basically these girls had been having some issues for awhile and the second girl (tray thrower) decided she and her "crew" would pay the girl a visit while she was working (stupid right?). We both happened to be on our lunch break at the time when the girls showed up. Initially they were just throwing insults at each other (which were pretty funny) but the first girl stood up and they were screaming at each other from across the table. At this point I was like okay I don't want any parts if they start swinging, so I stood up and attempted to walk away. The second girl picked up the food tray and threw it, but the girl either ducked or her aim was bad because I ended up getting hit. My initial reaction was shock which then switched to WTF lol. Both girls rushed over and were freaking out asking me if I was okay. Security was called by one of the food court managers and the girl and her crew were escorted out. I was asked if I wanted to file a report but to me it wasn't extreme enough to do so. I could tell the girl was already upset enough and adding to it wouldn't have made it better. I wasn't severely hurt either just a little bump behind my ear. The tray was hard plastic, but I had my hair in a bun so I think that kind of cushioned the impact. I think the funniest part was probably explaining to my manager why I was a little late coming back from break lol. If this had happened to anyone else I might not find it funny, but since it was me I managed to find the humor in it. I can now check "getting hit with a food tray" to my list of the WTF things that have happened to me lol.
Today, I realised what kind of man I married when I finally shelved his book, "Getting Things Done", still untouched 3 months after buying it. FML
Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML
Today, my mom called me by her favorite TV show character's name. Again. This is the eighth time this week. I'm an only child, and I'm 15. I thought she had my name down pat by now. FML
Today, I was at school deleting documents I no longer needed on my school account. After clicking empty trash can, I saw a final paper on political science deleted. I'm not in political science, and I wasn't deleting files on my account. FML
Today, I realized how much of a nutter my mother really is as she decided to write on a high visibility vest a "warning" that all foreigners, especially refugees, want to rape German women. She now wants to wear it each and every day in our hometown. FML
Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML
Today, I got a new roommate. He's from Mongolia. He has had 5 friends over for the last 7 hours, all speaking Mongolian. This is the most awkward party I have ever been to. FML
Today, I found out if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around, it does in fact make a sound, and also $5,000 worth of damage to your truck. FML
Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML
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