Today, was the last day of the prank war between me and my husband....

By mycedes - 26/10/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, was the last day of the prank war between me and my husband. I told him the last prank needed to be the best one. I took a shower and tried to think up my last prank. When I got out of the shower, my hair was green. FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Insane parents

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 20/9/2017 20:00

Seems fair

Today, so far, 3 of my employees have requested tomorrow off because of "emotional damage" due to Toys 'R' Us closing. FML

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By Hooperist - 25/5/2015 11:39 - United States - Murrieta

Today, while sick with the flu, I had the police called on me by my older neighbors downstairs. They thought I was hosting a party at 3 in the morning. I was really just throwing up constantly. FML

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29954

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By isuckasawaitress - 12/12/2011 17:08 - Singapore

Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2015 14:14 - United States - Berwyn

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

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29159

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By ashamed - 14/12/2014 02:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

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By duckthehack - 28/1/2011 14:25 - Poland

Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML

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By anonymous - 2/11/2016 04:18

Today, it was the first day of my new job. It was also the last day of my new job. I got a call immediately after finishing my shift to be told the company has "decided to go in a different direction" and will no longer be needing my services. FML

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11674

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2019 20:00

Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML

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By asdfghjkl - 7/4/2018 19:00

Today, it took me four tries to find the right position to swipe my debit card. My mom screamed "Oh, for God's sake, why don't you ever get it right the FIRST time?" She then apologized to the cashier for having "such a stupid child". FML

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By rojin12 - 30/8/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I tried to close my desk drawer by hitting it with my hip, like they do in the movies. Everything on my desk fell off. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2012 16:13 - United States

Today, I got a root canal. It wouldn't have been that bad if the dentist hadn't performed it on the wrong tooth. FML

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By Lemonhead - 21/7/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I came home from living in Spain for 2 years. My mom made dinner for me, and she had forgotten about my allergy to citrus, because she made lemon chicken. After using my EpiPen, and calling 911 for myself, I heard my mom say to my dad, "She always did have to be the center of attention." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2009 02:35 - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

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By didn't notice for 2 years - 10/6/2015 23:14 - United States - Goodyear

Today, my sister told me that the only reason I like one guy is because he looks exactly like the guy that dumped me. I showed her two pictures to argue against it, and ended up proving her right. FML

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By DietKelp - 23/10/2015 10:30 - United States

Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 01:28 - United States

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML

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By idk ask freud - 4/7/2013 04:11 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

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By bigbaby - 16/9/2016 07:06 - United States - Saint Michael

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

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By ugh - 28/4/2009 21:49 - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

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By DisgustingCreatures - 4/8/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

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By fuckit - 31/1/2013 20:27 - Italy - Rome

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

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By wallbanger - 7/2/2010 12:31 - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2013 20:58 - United States - Raynham

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

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By dwaggle - 2/7/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

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By nope! - 4/3/2020 12:00

Meanwhile, in 1953…

Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML

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By 092492 - 5/3/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

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By bootycall:( - 15/2/2017 13:00 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML

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By SAM - 5/8/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML

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By daisyann - 15/7/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

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By Ryanissaur - 19/10/2009 05:34 - Australia

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

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By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - 11/11/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

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By cgold - 30/4/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2014 23:16 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

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By AwkwardMoments - 26/1/2017 14:00

Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2014 01:33 - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

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By Atropos - 1/6/2019 00:00

Today, I went to the campus health office because I had some VERY strong pains in my side. I thought my appendix was about to burst. I asked the receptionist for a doctor, but she said they were all out of the office until later, and kindly offered to make me an appointment for mid June. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2010 14:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

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By sneaky1324 - 18/8/2012 07:49 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML

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Top comments

By elephantom12 | 9

#3495079 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:07

You my friend, got owned.

By m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3495074 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:07

Too bad it wasn't st. Patricks day

COMMENTS

By m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3495074 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:07

Too bad it wasn't st. Patricks day

icefshng8 | 9

#3495178 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:21

GET TROLLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

icefshng8 | 9

#3495197 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:24

GET TROLLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iheartfunny | 1

#3500330 - Thursday 27 October 2011 22:23

Its all about getting there first.

spikeisfat | 6

#5092549 - Monday 29 October 2012 4:16

OP should've looked in the shower before she got in haha

_MrKitty_ | 2

#5233444 - Monday 10 December 2012 13:54

He should of used Nair. That would of been a really good prank.

By GuitarFail123 | 9

#3495077 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:07

haha wow i think tht deserves a clap...

icefshng8 | 9

#3495171 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:19

*slowly rises up from his chair, performing a slow clap, still in awe, a tear dripping down his face

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#3496101 - Thursday 27 October 2011 4:09

...I have green hair :(... I thought it was pretty cool

Horde | 8

#3497913 - Thursday 27 October 2011 9:47

*clap.. clap... clap..* Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.

False_Stupidity | 41

#3502094 - Friday 28 October 2011 5:48

*golf clap*

Whew! That was a lot of effort... I'm feeling all clapped out now.

By elephantom12 | 9

#3495079 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:07

You my friend, got owned.

ntherewas1 | 11

#3495979 - Thursday 27 October 2011 3:37

Exactly. I don't understand the point of this FML? You guys both willingly entered into a prank war and now that you've been pranked you come whining?

By FYLbeotches | 5

#3495088 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:08

One word, revenge.

trentgator | 1

#3495620 - Thursday 27 October 2011 1:48

U got that from another fml

Bladian | 5

#3495729 - Thursday 27 October 2011 2:25

No shit she did, 54. You figure that out by yourself?

cBlackout | 13

#3495897 - Thursday 27 October 2011 3:12

Four words : tobasco and toilet paper

2ndSucks | 15

#3496989 - Thursday 27 October 2011 5:27

Pretty sure you'd be able to tell if there was Tabasco on your toilet paper.

FYLbeotches | 5

#3497586 - Thursday 27 October 2011 7:19

Actually i didnt but good for the comment from before

By m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3495098 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:09

Too bad it wasn't st. Patricks day.

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#3496095 - Thursday 27 October 2011 4:07

that's not even funny...

By Feklfekl2222 | 32

#3495106 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:09

Green hair is amazing do not complain

Soloman212 | 28

#3497156 - Thursday 27 October 2011 6:02

The shade is important. Is it a deep, dark forest green? Or an obnoxious lime green?

stacianichole | 2

#3498790 - Thursday 27 October 2011 15:35

That kitten is amazing.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3499937 - Thursday 27 October 2011 20:32

A lesson in humility from a Pokemon.

By NinaTatianna | 9

#3495111 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:09

all is fair in love and war.

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3495641 - Thursday 27 October 2011 1:56

Finally a place that cliché Actually works! People say it so much, but half the time it's for idiotic reasons!

lovelydarlings | 6

#3495772 - Thursday 27 October 2011 2:37

In this case, all is "hair" in love and war. :)

swheat25 | 5

#3496055 - Thursday 27 October 2011 3:56

Good one!

wild_n_out | 8

#3496213 - Thursday 27 October 2011 4:41

Not quite

iFizzgig | 11

#3496861 - Thursday 27 October 2011 4:46

70- punny

johnnyrogers97 | 9

#3497277 - Thursday 27 October 2011 6:13

Well said

zakkyzebra | 11

#3498410 - Thursday 27 October 2011 13:21

145- don't worry, he's Canadian. I hear they fight polar bears with their bare hands.

xtremerico | 0

#3498792 - Thursday 27 October 2011 15:35

It'd be easier if they did it with bear hands.

Bulletross12 | 0

#4837562 - Monday 20 August 2012 8:05

Well whoever said that must be a dumbass and the fact that you believe it makes u an even bigger dumbass. Im from canada.

xxreemey | 5

#5160574 - Sunday 18 November 2012 5:16

Canadians are supposed to be nice. You're obviously not Canadian.

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#3495115 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:10

Now put bleach in his shampoo. You'll win for sure then! :)

audreyy062 | 2

#3495252 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:34

what if hes blonde? id take that over green hair! unless hes asian, like me...that would be bad. but so is green hair...

cuppycakeslove | 20

#3495340 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:44

Bleach as in chlorine.

ollallie | 0

#3495368 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:48

Or maybe put something in his shaving cream??? But what...

cuppycakeslove | 20

#3495532 - Thursday 27 October 2011 1:23

Okay you guys, chillax. It's a joke. Not meant to be takin seriously.

raaawwwrrZ | 8

#3495715 - Thursday 27 October 2011 2:15

Piss in his eye when he sleeps

geon_olam | 17

#3496175 - Thursday 27 October 2011 4:31

61- nice one?

banananread112 | 5

#4842094 - Tuesday 21 August 2012 6:13

Put icy hot in the lotion he uses to jack off with.

By nalia18 | 8

#3495117 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:10

I would have also put orange dye in the soap... Oompa loompa dompity do

By YayFlameWarz | 9

#3495138 - Thursday 27 October 2011 0:13

Now he can say you're green with envy at his ingenious pranks

wild_n_out | 8

#3496223 - Thursday 27 October 2011 4:43

Okay..,