Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML
Today, I found out that the girl on Facebook that helped me out of my sadness after my break-up and who I'd hopelessly fallen in love with was just a prank by my ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been dating for 5 months is engaged to his girlfriend of 3 years. I found out as we were talking, waiting for him to come outside after work. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that it's time for him to stop blaming others and own up to his mistakes. He retorted, "Don't blame me!" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML
Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML
Today, my husband told me he cheated on me two years ago with his ex-fiancée. In the process, he got her pregnant, but said it was okay, because she didn't keep it. FML
Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with my first boyfriend. We broke up 6 years ago. FML
Sansa_fml tells us more.
Sansa_fml 38
OP here. Just wanted to make clear that I wasn't drunk and he wasn't either. I still like this guy. Every time I see him I'm falling in love again. Point is that I'm really affraid this wil not work out (I hope it does, but still) And i'm not the type of girl who has sex with anyone this easy, so I'm really confused what to do with it. I guess I'll find out.
Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML
Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML
Today, I came out as bisexual to my friends via group message. They didn't respond; I had a panic attack. An hour later, one of my friends texted back, "k". FML
adirom tells us more.
adirom 14
Thanks for all your support (or lack there of in some cases) for those of you wondering why I told them over text, my friends and I are very close and have a group message with just the 4 of us, the topic came up and I took the opportunity. I have social anxiety, and decided for the sake of my sanity that would work best. And after my one friend replied "k" there were multiple texts saying they supported me and didn't think of me any differently (which was my worry). So it all turned out for the best! To all of y'all who think being bisexual isn't a big deal, coming out regardless is a big deal. So please try and open your mind to how difficult it is to stray from social norms!
Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML
bstent tells us more.
bstent 4
I honestly wasn't hugging him that hard.. We had just eaten and he's really skinny, so that probably had a lot to do with it lol
Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML
Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML
Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML
Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML
Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML
Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd feel like a failure if he went to community college. I'm planning to go to community college next year. FML
Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML
Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML
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