By Anonymous - United States - Springfield Today, I told my boyfriend that it's time for him to stop blaming others and own up to his mistakes. He retorted, "Don't blame me!" FML I agree, your life sucks 32316 You deserved it 3824 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lxygrl - United States - Phenix City Today, I was told I have kidney stones, kidney infections, and a bladder infection and that I have to get admitted into the hospital. I let my boss know, and she replied, "But you're still coming in for your shift tonight, right?" FML I agree, your life sucks 2172 You deserved it 106 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Foxy Lady Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn't catch the customer. FML I agree, your life sucks 2916 You deserved it 325 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By what's a rimjob between friends? - United States - Boston Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML I agree, your life sucks 55961 You deserved it 4421 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jakub89 - Canada Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML I agree, your life sucks 34978 You deserved it 7560 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Muffinhater - United States Today, I awoke at 5am to the smell of smoke and the sound of sirens. It seems the whole Santa Monica Fire Department had made it outside our apartment complex. We had to wake up every single person on our floor. What for? An old lady burned a muffin. FML I agree, your life sucks 28256 You deserved it 2420 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BadatDIY - United Kingdom Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML I agree, your life sucks 7934 You deserved it 27539 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Are you taking the piss? Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 1436 You deserved it 843 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City Secret sex Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML I agree, your life sucks 1711 You deserved it 426 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nick - Australia - Sydney Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML I agree, your life sucks 26194 You deserved it 6685 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By StillTooYoung - United States - Louisville Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML I agree, your life sucks 37647 You deserved it 5184 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By elo - France Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML I agree, your life sucks 7882 You deserved it 32284 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By faulty number - United States - Port Saint Lucie Today, I have been waiting for a call from a job I applied for. I soon got a text from my current boss, who doesn't know I'm job hunting, letting me know that the recruiter was trying to reach me. Turns out my number on my resumé was wrong. FML I agree, your life sucks 9725 You deserved it 38766 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML I agree, your life sucks 37965 You deserved it 3464 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 552220000 Meanwhile, at Harvard… Today, I raised my hand to answer a question, but I forgot the answer, so when the teacher called on me, I just said, "I need to pee." FML I agree, your life sucks 1338 You deserved it 486 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By toazt - United States Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML I agree, your life sucks 37407 You deserved it 3483 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mustache girl - Canada - Magog Today, I waxed my upper lip hair. My boyfriend later told me that he missed my mustache rubbing onto his. FML I agree, your life sucks 51027 You deserved it 6035 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By waxer150 - United States - Ashtabula Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 27224 You deserved it 8597 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By comeuntome - United States Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML I agree, your life sucks 22848 You deserved it 29685 229 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dimples - United States - Sanford Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML I agree, your life sucks 38354 You deserved it 3421 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By littlegirl - Canada Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML I agree, your life sucks 20515 You deserved it 45159 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Bremerton Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML I agree, your life sucks 41039 You deserved it 2780 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Richmond Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML I agree, your life sucks 8456 You deserved it 63073 229 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alex327 - United States - Dayton Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML I agree, your life sucks 22241 You deserved it 2012 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ouch - United States Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML I agree, your life sucks 23339 You deserved it 2134 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jet8725 - United States Today, I celebrated my birthday with my friend who has the same birthday by going out to dinner with a bunch of our friends. The waiter brought out a cake for my friend but not for me. No one noticed my exclusion. I sang happy birthday on my birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 60104 You deserved it 3910 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By manderpander21 - United States - Bronx Today, my mom and I made the bad decision to go hiking for some mother-daughter bonding even though we had little experience. My mother tumbled down a mountain named Tumbledown and I couldn't even enjoy the irony because I had to half carry her all the way back to the car. FML I agree, your life sucks 30274 You deserved it 3591 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Work_sucks Today, I'm facing a disciplinary hearing at work because I occasionally fail to click the door properly shut when I leave the office and this is very upsetting to one of the six colleagues I share my office with. FML I agree, your life sucks 8991 You deserved it 1334 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LaurahLunatic - United States Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML I agree, your life sucks 29044 You deserved it 6001 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML I agree, your life sucks 43613 You deserved it 3758 174 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Chicago So, it is not immoral ? Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yells at my dad for watching porn. My dad responds, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I have shown you!" He is also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML I agree, your life sucks 1796 You deserved it 154 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sammarli530 - United States - New Lenox Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML I agree, your life sucks 24748 You deserved it 52049 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Idiot - United States - Anchorage Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML I agree, your life sucks 5815 You deserved it 1303 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 23:00 Yummy Today, I decided to have some bagels. It was only after I ate them that I looked at the cream cheese and discovered that it expired 3 years ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 474 You deserved it 1792 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By The nice guy finishing Last Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML I agree, your life sucks 4874 You deserved it 215 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hotsauce887 - United States Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML I agree, your life sucks 70157 You deserved it 25602 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thisbethed - United States - San Francisco Today, my boss made up a rumor that I was quitting my job so I wouldn't get the promotion that was coming up. There goes that raise I've been wanting for six months. FML I agree, your life sucks 24849 You deserved it 1521 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MAC - France Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML I agree, your life sucks 20317 You deserved it 3139 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kismet_fire - United States - San Francisco Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her 3 different bags. FML I agree, your life sucks 34737 You deserved it 2698 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By skollasch - United States - Highland Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML I agree, your life sucks 32773 You deserved it 16596 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Ozark Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML I agree, your life sucks 29182 You deserved it 146567 383 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alex_the_tiger | 14 #6104804 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:50 If he is that immature he isn't ready for a relationship Send a private message 115 3 Reply
By JuliusSeizure | 18 #6104807 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:52 It's not my fault, everybody always blames me! Send a private message 85 2 Reply
By Dro23 | 10 #6104803 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:50 1st comment. sounds just like my boyfriend! Send a private message 0 11 Reply
Reply WoldowJR | 25 #6104811 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:54 A complete list of people who care: Send a private message 4 0 Reply
By alex_the_tiger | 14 #6104804 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:50 If he is that immature he isn't ready for a relationship Send a private message 115 3 Reply
Reply incoherentrmblr | 21 #6104994 - Thursday 30 October 2014 23:46 ...intervention. It's not his fault... Send a private message 3 6 Reply
By Rex_One | 4 #6104805 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:50 2nd comment ~ Send a private message 0 9 Reply
By JuliusSeizure | 18 #6104807 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:52 It's not my fault, everybody always blames me! Send a private message 85 2 Reply
Reply sayyestothedress | 24 #6105001 - Friday 31 October 2014 0:00 Poor boyfriend! Everybody blames him! *she says in a sarcastic tone* Send a private message 2 9 Reply
Reply Hiimhaileypotter | 52 #6106098 - Saturday 1 November 2014 4:11 #42 Why does it seem like all your comments are in third person? Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By keiNan_fml | 35 #6104808 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:53 what an asshole Send a private message 28 5 Reply
By devildog562 | 33 #6104809 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:53 It's your choice to be with a dumbass. You may want to re-evaluate someone that can't even be responsible for himself. Send a private message 58 1 Reply
By SoapTurtle | 7 #6104810 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:54 you know how to pick em op lol. Send a private message 16 4 Reply
By laden_swallow09 | 34 #6104813 - Thursday 30 October 2014 16:57 "I hope you mean EX-boyfriend!" There. Now no one else needs to say it. Send a private message 45 5 Reply
Reply False_Stupidity | 41 #6105190 - Friday 31 October 2014 4:20 But of course others will say it, just because they don't read comments Send a private message 2 2 Reply
By ColonelCusswords | 24 #6104814 - Thursday 30 October 2014 17:01 some people are just realy realy realy dumb Send a private message 2 29 Reply
Reply Softballchick224 | 21 #6104818 - Thursday 30 October 2014 17:04 Unfortunately this person just happens to be her boyfriend!!! Lol Send a private message 12 2 Reply
Reply ZoroMiHawk | 25 #6104831 - Thursday 30 October 2014 17:35 I rly, rly, rly agree with you. Send a private message 22 5 Reply
Reply cadillacgal79 | 32 #6104985 - Thursday 30 October 2014 23:03 20-*fights off inner grammar Nazi rage even though I know you're kidding* Send a private message 3 7 Reply
By Rex_One | 4 #6104815 - Thursday 30 October 2014 17:01 I guess you need more communication Send a private message 4 6 Reply
Today, it's been two weeks since my girlfriend of many years and I decided to take a short break from each other. We'd been fighting a lot and felt like... I agree, your life sucks 360 You deserved it 67 8 Comments
Today, four months into a deep depression, I now have a new involuntary reaction to being sad and angry. I constantly have an erection when I'm feeling... I agree, your life sucks 452 You deserved it 51 2 Comments