By bstent - United States Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML I agree, your life sucks 34452 You deserved it 9807 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share bstent tells us more : I honestly wasn't hugging him that hard.. We had just eaten and he's really skinny, so that probably had a lot to do with it lol
By RootyTootToot Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML I agree, your life sucks 2523 You deserved it 1441 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bitchsawmebuyit - United States - Yorktown Heights Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize my receipt was misplaced. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML I agree, your life sucks 32172 You deserved it 4588 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By clayton - Australia - Sydney Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML I agree, your life sucks 13456 You deserved it 43959 237 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cheaphubbyswife - Canada Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML I agree, your life sucks 80393 You deserved it 5964 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuckall - United States Today, I worked out that if I paid the minimum monthly amount on my student loans, I'd be paying them until I'm 65. FML I agree, your life sucks 29651 You deserved it 5754 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By misc - United States Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML I agree, your life sucks 20453 You deserved it 51117 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By copmagnet - United States Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML I agree, your life sucks 12467 You deserved it 43306 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wallasey Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML I agree, your life sucks 32166 You deserved it 3915 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jayne - United States Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML I agree, your life sucks 28203 You deserved it 2810 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By my_way_1213 Smart kid. Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML I agree, your life sucks 2219 You deserved it 3650 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hushed - Canada - Leduc Everyone's A Critic Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML I agree, your life sucks 3782 You deserved it 232 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jordid - United States Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML I agree, your life sucks 62579 You deserved it 4183 143 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Yudor - France Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML I agree, your life sucks 26371 You deserved it 2415 35 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ilikemusicokay - United States Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. Since I knew it would take a while, I brought my iPod in for entertainment. To bad it disabled me from hearing the continuous knocks on the door as well as the manager eventually picking the lock and busting in. FML I agree, your life sucks 12564 You deserved it 46454 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Finland - Helsinki Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbor has a cat. I was blessed with this knowledge when she threw several piles of used kitty litter and cat poop over her balcony and onto my patio. FML I agree, your life sucks 30788 You deserved it 2170 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dadadoo - United States Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML I agree, your life sucks 33773 You deserved it 3300 207 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By eggs - Canada Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML I agree, your life sucks 53243 You deserved it 9174 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML I agree, your life sucks 45526 You deserved it 2936 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By doubleCoupon - United States - San Francisco Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML I agree, your life sucks 45443 You deserved it 5545 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pooperscooper - Australia - Hunters Hill Today, I had to wipe someone else's shit off the toilet seat for the third day in a row. We had a new staff member join our team three days ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 7148 You deserved it 445 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sebastian - United States Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML I agree, your life sucks 73627 You deserved it 7747 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Houston Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML I agree, your life sucks 24776 You deserved it 2218 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML I agree, your life sucks 55715 You deserved it 7786 207 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Broc'n dreams - New Zealand - Auckland Face Your Fears Today, I woke up screaming "FUCK OFF!" because I had a dream that someone threw broccoli through my window. FML I agree, your life sucks 6428 You deserved it 761 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sozzy - United States - Aliso Viejo Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML I agree, your life sucks 27412 You deserved it 6973 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Venus He who smelled it… Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML I agree, your life sucks 32893 You deserved it 2682 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mortenp - United States Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML I agree, your life sucks 14112 You deserved it 44781 194 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nikki My package Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML I agree, your life sucks 2348 You deserved it 668 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet - United States - San Francisco Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 34402 You deserved it 2220 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mathguy - United States - Green Bay Today, I went for a job interview for a building position at a retail store. They saw on my application that I was good at math. They asked me what the circumference of a circle is. Being nervous during the interview, I accidentally said the area of a circle. I didn't get the job. FML I agree, your life sucks 23257 You deserved it 7331 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By firehurts - United States - Wallkill Today, I threw a bonfire for my birthday. My boyfriend managed to set my leg on fire by throwing his liquor bottle into the fire. Happy birthday to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 27173 You deserved it 2709 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML I agree, your life sucks 2197 You deserved it 145 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By irony - United States Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML I agree, your life sucks 54849 You deserved it 9346 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blabla - Brazil Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML I agree, your life sucks 20240 You deserved it 12944 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unfortunatelyunlucky - United States Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML I agree, your life sucks 36971 You deserved it 2587 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nominome - France Today, I was in the check-out line when I noticed the guy behind me kept impatiently sighing. Thinking he was a jerk, I took as long as I could packaging my items. Turns out he left his oxygen tank in the car. FML I agree, your life sucks 7929 You deserved it 44037 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Gottabekidding - United States - Ashland Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML I agree, your life sucks 14630 You deserved it 839 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Snowin2007 - United States Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML I agree, your life sucks 31091 You deserved it 7491 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shithead - United States Today, my friends and I ran through a flock of resting seagulls. The birds took to the skies and chased after us, covering us in shit. FML I agree, your life sucks 9748 You deserved it 51015 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crushed - United States Today, I was hanging with my boyfriend and when his mom came to pick him up, he introduced me. She talked to me politely and i thought we hit it off very well. As I was walking away I hear her say "That's your new girlfriend? Honey, you could do so much better". FML I agree, your life sucks 81012 You deserved it 4453 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By njgohard | 16 #6095046 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:33 Might want to ease up on arm day. Send a private message 160 3 Reply
By TMastaFresh | 10 #6095045 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:33 Damn maybe turn some of that passion into a kiss haha Send a private message 141 2 Reply
By TMastaFresh | 10 #6095045 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:33 Damn maybe turn some of that passion into a kiss haha Send a private message 141 2 Reply
Reply adrian1910 | 15 #6095058 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:37 Her boyfriend must be anorexic Send a private message 1 62 Reply
Reply ChristianH39 | 30 #6095068 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:40 You're thinking of bulimic... and no. Send a private message 49 5 Reply
Reply ChocolateScyther | 19 #6095171 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 1:28 his love was deep. he could feel it in his gut. he just wanted to show it. Send a private message 26 1 Reply
Reply Roskosity | 22 #6095179 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 1:36 No such thing as too clingy ;) Send a private message 4 24 Reply
Reply killerdana | 19 #6095248 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 3:43 Oh yes there is. Example: the last guy I dated snuck into my house in the middle of the night because he "missed me". Never found out how he got in Send a private message 25 3 Reply
Reply atav | 17 #6095276 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 4:34 If she turned that much passion into a kiss she might end up biting his tongue off. Send a private message 14 2 Reply
Reply incoherentrmblr | 21 #6095365 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 5:44 Too clingy in this case turned into a front Heimlich maneuver. If it was a kiss, she's be tasting that vomit... Send a private message 7 3 Reply
Reply Roskosity | 22 #6095593 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 13:10 Joking again! Send a private message 2 1 Reply
Reply Hiimhaileypotter | 52 #6096257 - Wednesday 22 October 2014 0:00 Whoa #42, I hope you changed your locks! Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By njgohard | 16 #6095046 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:33 Might want to ease up on arm day. Send a private message 160 3 Reply
Reply sayyestothedress | 24 #6095237 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 3:33 Found a relationship where your the strong one Send a private message 6 3 Reply
Reply jake238 | 9 #6095298 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 4:45 Wtf wud u hug so hard creep Send a private message 1 31 Reply
By ChristianH39 | 30 #6095048 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:34 Then you felt the warmth of his love for you? Send a private message 77 3 Reply
By sweetbliss3 | 37 #6095051 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:35 that's nasty. loosen up a little bit. hugs aren't supposed to be puke worthy. Send a private message 47 3 Reply
By Welshite | 39 #6095052 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:35 You aren't supposed to give the Heimlich maneuver as a hug. Send a private message 101 5 Reply
By imjanty | 10 #6095054 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:35 At least he knows you care about him! Send a private message 14 3 Reply
By Angelkisses130 | 26 #6095055 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:36 Awwww, poor thing :( Send a private message 17 2 Reply
Reply beserker81 | 12 #6095173 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 1:31 Op sucks Send a private message 1 24 Reply
By Rizzen | 27 #6095065 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:39 yuck. im sorry to hear, hope he feels better Send a private message 4 1 Reply
By HappyItalian | 38 #6095066 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:40 Are you Hulk Hogan? Send a private message 35 1 Reply
Reply PenguinBitch | 43 #6095098 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 0:04 "Hell yeah I am sister!" *Hulk hogan voice while flexing so hard the veins look like they're about to pop and face red* Send a private message 15 2 Reply
Reply ahippienamedrae | 10 #6095196 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 2:14 23, I read that entire thing in Hulk Hogan's voice. It was really unnerving... Send a private message 2 6 Reply
Reply Garrett2818 | 21 #6095399 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 6:51 Hulk huggin* Send a private message 16 1 Reply
By tony1891 | 22 #6095067 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:40 didn't know it was possible to make Someone hurl by hugging them. Send a private message 15 1 Reply
Reply bstent | 4 #6095386 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 6:32 I didn't either!! >.< We always hug each other tightly and that was the first time anything like that has happened. Send a private message 12 1 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 637 You deserved it 210 5 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 511 You deserved it 211 4 Comments