Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time.... - FML

By Dancing King - Norway - Egersund

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

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Lockdown is driving us down

Non-baby fever

Risky business

By fashionVictim - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend decided to admit to me that he and my girlfriend have been cheating behind my back for the past two months. The reason he finally admitted it? Because she is now cheating on him with another one of our friends. FML

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By framed - United States - Portsmouth

Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke about me and I jokingly gave him a light push on the shoulder. Half a second after I touched him, he threw himself back and hit the floor yelling in "pain". Now I'm suspended because of this psycho. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML

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By lonergirl - Australia

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

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By Beesmakemerun

Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML

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By guiltyschuldig49 - 28/5/2020 14:00

Noise annoys

Today, and for months, my upstairs neighbor has been stomping on their floors, hard enough to shake our walls. We thought it was their child, but found out it’s the mother. She took up running, and due to the pandemic, she does it in the living room. She's already been told to stop. Repeatedly. I work 12-hour nights. FML

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By Anonymous - Kazakhstan

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML

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By Damnit - United States

Today, I realized that in my relationship with my significant other, the roles are switched. We went out for a nice dinner, I paid, and when we got home he "had a headache" and asked for an aspirin so he could go to sleep. FML

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By Anonymous

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Today, I had a bad and very unenthusiastic one night stand and tried to quietly order an Uber while she was getting dressed. Turns out, she's an Uber driver and being as she was in the area, the alert came over her phone. She was furious. FML

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By not a whore! - 30/8/2020 07:05 - United States - Madison

Can't catch a break

Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML

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By lafinesse

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

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By max - United States

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

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By Prinpette - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

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By

Today, my husband told me that, to feel less unreliable, he was just going to stop saying he was going to do anything around the house. That way, when he actually did something (i.e. wash dishes), I could be pleasantly surprised. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

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By ellesworth

Today, while sharing my screen with our tech guy at work, I forgot he was there and opened Facetime to pick a zit on my chin. After going in for the squeeze, I horrifyingly remembered he could see everything and quickly closed it. After a few seconds, he said, "Did you get it?" FML

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By OutOfTheCloset - United States - Clifton

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

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By Yup - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

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By I'm donnnneeee - United States - Slidell

Today, I finished a 6-part project. It took me 7 hours of straight work because my partner decided I should do it alone. I then learned that the reason my partner did not help me was because the teacher e-mailed the leader of every group, saying the project was cancelled. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML

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By blank - United States

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Astoria

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm a 19 year old college student in NYC, it's Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my bed in my dorm room, talking to my mother on facebook chat. Then she stopped responding. Turns out even my mother has better things to do on Friday night. FML

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By frustrated - Australia - Mittagong

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

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By Pokemon problems - Canada - Toronto

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

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By "Growlithe1395"

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

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By Laura - United Kingdom - Girvan

Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

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By chicagobulls102 - United States

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

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By GLX - United States - Sand Springs

Today, I woke up to the rickety old ceiling fan above my bed crashing down on top of me. I'm fine, however I am now grounded until I can buy a new ceiling fan to replace the one I "broke". FML

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By daybyday - Australia

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

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By nen_00 - United States

Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger than me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML

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By meganridner - United States

Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML

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By volleyballgirl12 - France

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

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By BrisbaneCoop - Australia

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

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By Dumbass

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

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Top comments

By ThatEngineerGirl | 12

#6030601 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:08

It's awesome that you're going to the gym with your girlfriend. It's a great couples thing to do, even if the first trip was a little embarrassing for you. :)

By Aquila_Umbrae | 26

#6030603 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:08

Own it man. Dance with everything you have!

COMMENTS

By kingcaper817 | 14

#6030599 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:07

OMG FIRST shouldn't of agreed to bet buddy

Reply

kingcaper817 | 14

#6030606 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:10

Hey don't hate it's my first, first

Reply

azelk | 8

#6030607 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:10

OMG 1821th

By sky413 | 26

#6030600 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:07

Better go more often then!

Reply

katieemerr | 15

#6030643 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:57

#2 is right.. This should push you to get down the gym and work out more!

By ThatEngineerGirl | 12

#6030601 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:08

It's awesome that you're going to the gym with your girlfriend. It's a great couples thing to do, even if the first trip was a little embarrassing for you. :)

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6030623 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:33

Seems like the second will potentially be more embarrassing.

By Aquila_Umbrae | 26

#6030603 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:08

Own it man. Dance with everything you have!

Reply

OysterPearls | 33

#6030622 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:32

I've seen guys in Zumba who have more rhythm than me... Better start practicing your salsa OP!

Reply

JJ_86 | 22

#6030651 - Friday 8 August 2014 0:20

That's not the point here. "Everything you have"!! you better use the goodies good before losing them at the Gym OP.

By GOtllt | 17

#6030604 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:09

Keep going to the gym, and maybe next time she'll be wearing bright pink spandex to Zumba ;D

Reply

feven | 32

#6030632 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:46

I say he goes all out as revenge causing I'm guessing she wouldn't be too embarrassed by wearing pink spandex.

Reply

weswheatley | 14

#6030694 - Friday 8 August 2014 1:22

I'm pretty sure that was meant as a "gift" to the guy

By markcallanan_ | 20

#6030605 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:10

Oooh, ouch

By junkman6 | 22

#6030608 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:11

Pink leopard print. If you're gonna do it, go all out!

Reply

LittleBells | 17

#6030676 - Friday 8 August 2014 0:55

Yes, be FABULOUS while you lift weights

Reply

weswheatley | 14

#6030697 - Friday 8 August 2014 1:23

You don't lift weights in Zumba

Reply

crazytwinsmom | 25

#6030868 - Friday 8 August 2014 7:19

Re: 9, And wear the little skirt with the bells.

Reply

threer | 30

#6031095 - Friday 8 August 2014 16:54

And maybe a half-shirt? Grapevine!

By tony1891 | 22

#6030609 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:11

never bet against a girl who works out Unless you're absolutely sure you can beat them

Reply

schhichick | 14

#6030832 - Friday 8 August 2014 5:35

Unless you are Phil Dunphy

By FMLkoala | 28

#6030610 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:11

Do you even lift?

Reply

Doritozilla | 20

#6030698 - Friday 8 August 2014 1:24

Apparently not, lol.

Reply

shutupshane12 | 12

#6030786 - Friday 8 August 2014 4:23

Not that guy

By Corvo_Attano_4 | 12

#6030611 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:11

Zumba is awesome. Make sure to take advantage of that class.