Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time.... - FML

By Dancing King - 7/8/2014 15:36 - Norway - Egersund

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

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Caught red-handed

Who's a good boy?

British Broadcasting Corporation

By limping - 24/1/2014 23:10 - Canada

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

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By chocolaterabbit - 2/11/2009 12:41 - Australia

Today, my friends created a fake Facebook profile of a girl, and asked me to be in a relationship. Even my friends think I can't get a real girlfriend, and need a fake one to feel better. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2013 06:03 - Australia - Wantirna

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

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By wobble... - 23/2/2012 11:29 - Australia

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

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By Misty3242 - 6/2/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML

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By Lauren - 9/8/2011 13:48 - Australia

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

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By Susan - 28/2/2012 11:55 - Canada

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

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By badprofessor - 19/9/2014 01:44 - United States - Larchmont

Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2020 08:09

Caring

Today, I was rummaging about in the pantry. When I turned to walk away, the heavy pantry door fell off, struck me in the back of the head, and the wood surrounding the doorknob cracked. When my mom came home, she accused me of "property damage." FML

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By izzie - 9/5/2010 14:15 - Canada

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

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By fml - 10/8/2013 10:48 - United States - Perry

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

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By patient_mom - 14/6/2015 01:27 - Australia - Surrey Hills

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

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By 2fast4U - 21/3/2016 10:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, some of my coworkers have complained that I don't do my share of the work, though they can't specify exactly what I'm not getting done. Apparently, being too efficient and finishing first means I mustn't have done anything at all. The supervisor sided with them. FML

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By ??? - 26/1/2017 04:00

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my mom about her boyfriend hitting on me. Not only did she not care, but she got mad at me. I'm 15. FML

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By Natsert99 - 8/12/2016 14:02 - United States - Deerfield

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

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By Mrs. Teacher - 18/9/2012 00:21 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I collected my students' notes in class to check them. One girl, who is always drawing weird anime crap in her sketchbook, turned in just one piece of paper that read, "FUCK YOUR CLASS." FML

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By JK2010 - 11/1/2010 18:12 - Israel

Today, my crush of over a year came over for me to take her on our first date. Today was also the day my drunk parents decided to dance the chicken dance in our front yard, naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 02:00

Today, I had a teaching job interview. After giving my demo lesson, I was told by the director that I had given it on the wrong topic. Turns out, I never got the e-mail with the instructions for the interview. Now I'm definitely not getting the job. FML

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By Hot Pants - 1/12/2011 17:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

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By continuouslyaddingdebt - 14/1/2017 22:00

Today, in an attempt to keep my valuables safe, I snatched my PlayStation 4 controller from the hands of my 4-year-old nephew. Not knowing that it was connected, I ultimately yanked the PlayStation and the HD Flatscreen flat on their faces. FML

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By Awkward - 4/12/2013 22:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

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By fatandsad - 3/1/2012 14:57 - United States

Today, I bought a $450 elliptical machine to get in shape of the new year. After 5 hours of putting it together, I realized that all the ceilings in every room of my apartment are too low for me to use it without hitting my head. I can't return it. FML

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By ScottishSteak - 27/9/2019 16:00

Scotland and its leccy bills

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

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By Me - 7/3/2012 18:24 - United States

Today, I had to use the restroom while at work. I had the choice of the stall with a broken lock, or the stall with a huge crack in the partition wall. Not two minutes after I sat down, I noticed someone peeking in. FML

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By unknown - 21/9/2011 12:40 - Philippines

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

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By L_lives - 30/5/2015 05:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 06:19 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2013 00:51 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

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By DUFF - 11/6/2015 21:04 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to my neighbor's funeral, with whom I had been good friends with for a long time. When I asked her husband why, he said, "We have a small amount of money and can't afford for you to eat all of the refreshments." FML

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By owew - 9/12/2010 05:33

Today, I don't know anyone in the city where I just moved. I felt really lonely so I picked up my cat to try and cuddle with her. She freaked out and ripped my face apart. She ran then away to go play with the cats outside. Even my cat has more friends than me. FML

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By ForeverAlone - 22/9/2015 21:40 - Ukraine

Today, there was a big party at my workplace. The only person that was socializing with me in any way was my co-workers 4-year-old daughter. Before leaving, she drew smiley faces on plastic plates and napkins and gave them to me so I "will have some friends and not be all alone". FML

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By cmore - 11/3/2010 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

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By sylverster - 15/3/2011 12:37 - Singapore

Today, I banged into a glass door. My friend laughed at me, so I turned around and gave him the finger, then turned back to continue walking and banged into the door again. FML

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By pmony - 2/2/2012 02:48 - United States

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

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By OverIt - 25/2/2014 22:24 - United States - Winchester

Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML

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By fuck but no fuck - 2/8/2013 19:44 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

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Top comments

By ThatEngineerGirl | 12

#6030601 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:08

It's awesome that you're going to the gym with your girlfriend. It's a great couples thing to do, even if the first trip was a little embarrassing for you. :)

By Aquila_Umbrae | 26

#6030603 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:08

Own it man. Dance with everything you have!

Comments

By kingcaper817 | 14

#6030599 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:07

OMG FIRST shouldn't of agreed to bet buddy

Reply

kingcaper817 | 14

#6030606 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:10

Hey don't hate it's my first, first

Reply

azelk | 8

#6030607 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:10

OMG 1821th

By sky413 | 26

#6030600 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:07

Better go more often then!

Reply

katieemerr | 15

#6030643 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:57

#2 is right.. This should push you to get down the gym and work out more!

By ThatEngineerGirl | 12

#6030601 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:08

It's awesome that you're going to the gym with your girlfriend. It's a great couples thing to do, even if the first trip was a little embarrassing for you. :)

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6030623 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:33

Seems like the second will potentially be more embarrassing.

By Aquila_Umbrae | 26

#6030603 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:08

Own it man. Dance with everything you have!

Reply

OysterPearls | 33

#6030622 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:32

I've seen guys in Zumba who have more rhythm than me... Better start practicing your salsa OP!

Reply

JJ_86 | 22

#6030651 - Friday 8 August 2014 0:20

That's not the point here. "Everything you have"!! you better use the goodies good before losing them at the Gym OP.

By GOtllt | 17

#6030604 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:09

Keep going to the gym, and maybe next time she'll be wearing bright pink spandex to Zumba ;D

Reply

feven | 32

#6030632 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:46

I say he goes all out as revenge causing I'm guessing she wouldn't be too embarrassed by wearing pink spandex.

Reply

weswheatley | 14

#6030694 - Friday 8 August 2014 1:22

I'm pretty sure that was meant as a "gift" to the guy

By markcallanan_ | 20

#6030605 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:10

Oooh, ouch

By junkman6 | 22

#6030608 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:11

Pink leopard print. If you're gonna do it, go all out!

Reply

LittleBells | 17

#6030676 - Friday 8 August 2014 0:55

Yes, be FABULOUS while you lift weights

Reply

weswheatley | 14

#6030697 - Friday 8 August 2014 1:23

You don't lift weights in Zumba

Reply

crazytwinsmom | 25

#6030868 - Friday 8 August 2014 7:19

Re: 9, And wear the little skirt with the bells.

Reply

threer | 30

#6031095 - Friday 8 August 2014 16:54

And maybe a half-shirt? Grapevine!

By tony1891 | 22

#6030609 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:11

never bet against a girl who works out Unless you're absolutely sure you can beat them

Reply

schhichick | 14

#6030832 - Friday 8 August 2014 5:35

Unless you are Phil Dunphy

By FMLkoala | 28

#6030610 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:11

Do you even lift?

Reply

Doritozilla | 20

#6030698 - Friday 8 August 2014 1:24

Apparently not, lol.

Reply

shutupshane12 | 12

#6030786 - Friday 8 August 2014 4:23

Not that guy

By Corvo_Attano_4 | 12

#6030611 - Thursday 7 August 2014 23:11

Zumba is awesome. Make sure to take advantage of that class.