Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML
Help !
Today, while trying to lift a weight bar at the gym, I ended up cracking my rib cage and almost passed out. My friend, who was supposed to be spotting for me, couldn't help until the last second because he'd snuck off to flirt with a pair of guys halfway across the room. FML
Today, my period started again. I just finished a 17-day period 3 days ago. FML
Today, one of my ears randomly went deaf. I went to the doctor, thinking I had an ear infection or something. Turns out that your ears can go deaf entirely without reason, and I now have medication to take to see if I can get any of my hearing back in that ear. I'm only 26. FML
Today, my boyfriend surprised me by offering me a foot massage to ease my sore feet after a run. I asked for a lot of pressure. Now I'm back home in a walking boot after being diagnosed with a fractured fifth metatarsal bone. FML
Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML
Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML
Today, my dad remarried, but he didn't want me to come. I'm told he didn't want me to ruin his pictures or make his guests feel uncomfortable, all because I had my leg amputated in April. FML
LoveIsOneSided tells us more.
Hi! I'm the OP of this. I lost my leg because of a clumsy accident. In 2013 I tripped walking into my kitchen, and cut my foot on a piece of tile (we were redoing the floor, and only had half the room done). I ended up in the hospital for about a week with an infection. Two weeks after getting out of the hospital, I suddenly got a fever that spiked so quickly, and got so high, I couldn't remember my own name. I was in the hospital that time for 84 days. This second infection got out of control. To this day, they don't know why or technically what it was (on record it's a severe case of cellulitis), but within twelve days of being admitted, I started getting small blisters from my toes to my knee. At thirty days, I was running a fever almost every night (fine during the day), and had lost feeling in half my leg. By sixty days, the blisters had ruptured and I had bigger blisters in some areas, and holes in other areas. They did a surgery where they basically shaved my skin off, thinking that would stop the blistering. Which it did. Once they did that, I was able to go home. But what should have taken a few weeks to heal, took almost a year. I had infections off and on throughout the year, and was on antibiotics at least once a month, every month. In December of 2014, I got a cut on that same leg. Within a week, it was blistered up again. I was back in the hospital, and back on heavy antibiotics. At this point, I had massive nerve damage in the leg, and couldn't feel most of; what I could feel was painful. I'm 28, and there were days when I couldn't walk, because every step felt like I was splitting my skin apart. They never got these blisters under control. The blistering never went past my knee. There was almost a line where they stopped, around my leg. I've had cuts on other parts of my body without an issue, so we don't why this happened or what technically caused it. When they couldn't get the blistering under control, they upped the antibiotics. When I started to show signs of kidney failure, we discussed options. I was able to keep my knee, but lost the leg a few inches below it. I don't have a prosthetic yet, and for the most part I'm okay with it. It's not pain free, but it's not like it was before. One of my brothers, from the minute I woke up from surgery, has been calling me Peggy (my name is not even close lol), but it's all in fun. To keep my spirits up. I'm not overweight, not diabetic and was never really sick until this. It just happened. I guess sometimes things just happen.
Duty
Today, I passed out. I fell to the hardwood floor, cut my chin, and bit through my lip. Fortunately, my brother was there to help stop the bleeding and get me some water. All I had to do was wait until he finished his game of Call of Duty. FML
Childfree
Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Today, I realized how cheap I am when I blacked out at a water park and some one yelled "Call 911!" I tried to mutter out "No, that's too expensive!" FML
extremereviews tells us more.
Hello everyone! Yes I do have insurance, but the last time a friend of mine needed an ambulance the bill was still over $1500 after insurance. Also yes, in America you do have to pay when you go to the hospital. Luckily the water park just so happened to be built directly next to a fire station, so they just wheeled me over there and treated me on site. I was very dehydrated, and when I blacked out I was actually in line to get a water from the concession stand but I had been waiting in line for over 30 minutes in the heat which didn't help.
Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML
jarkleflob tells us more.
jarkleflob 13
Thank you all for the support! I would've never thought that this would get published. I first wanted to point out that we were on vacation out of state, very expensive vacation with a very expensive meal. Although that doesn't excuse his remarks/actions, I can see why he was in a bad mood. We had a pretty tense "vacation", there were a lot of people everywhere, foreigners that couldn't speak English, and a lot of things that my parents aren't open minded towards. I constantly have to remind my parents that "there is nothing you can do about it so don't worry about it". The comments you guys left were hilarious and I'm thankful for the ideas you gave - even if it wasn't the most serious.
Nature is healing
Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML
Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML
Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML
Today, I am 1,000 days sober and drug-free. I suffer from depression and I am craving terribly. I have a migraine and a bladder infection. And I can deal with all of this. But what I can't deal with is my dipshit coworker asking if I want to go out for drinks and snort cocaine to celebrate. FML
Tattoo_Freak tells us more.
OP here. Thank you guys and girls for all this amazing support! I am truly humbled. #17, I have read and re-read your message. Thank you so very much. #108, Congratulations to your mom! It is always great to hear of other people's success. #134, 49 days and going strong. Well done! Take it one day at a time. To everyone I haven't mentioned, please know that I have read all of your comments, and I will continue to read them every day. It is support like this that keeps me going during the difficult and dark times.
Today, my mom meant to send a picture of her poop to my aunt, but sent it to my swim coach instead. FML
kobolobo tells us more.
kobolobo 16
My coach just sent back question marks. I'm pretty sure I'm more embarrassed than my mom.
Today, I was diagnosed with food poisoning for the third time since moving to this base in Japan. My husband keeps cooking questionable meat and vegetables from the commissary because he thinks the food from a Japanese grocery store is radioactive. FML
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML
Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML
Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML
dole_dosser tells us more.
dole_dosser 13
I tend to walk my dog at night, when there are fewer distractions and prejudiced people around to have to deal with. I like to think she keeps the shady figures away when she stops and growls as we pass dark alleys and side passages.
Supportive
Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML
Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML
Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML
Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." Two hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML
My home hates me
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML
Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML