Health: Today, my boyfriend surprised me by offering me a foot massage... - FML

21/08/2015 01:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by offering me a foot massage to ease my sore feet after a run. I asked for a lot of pressure. Now I'm back home in a walking boot after being diagnosed with a fractured fifth metatarsal bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 488

You deserved it 5 366

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Best teeth in the game

Broken heart

25/03/2012 17:21 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 258

You deserved it 4 347

24/02/2009 11:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 065

You deserved it 19 040

Hope there's no dancing involved

By InjuredTriviaNerd - 09/03/2021 09:00 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, I fell on a crack in the pavement and broke my ankle. Next week, I'm supposed to fly interstate to be on a quiz show I've spent two years in the audition process for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 93

14/09/2016 02:15 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 905

You deserved it 1 401

14/05/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 794

You deserved it 5 164

One Word: Diabeetus

By jmove - 07/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, I carhopped some food, enough to feed 6 people, out to this beat-up car. Inside were two huge ladies, who probably hadn't showered for a few days, sweating away from the hot weather. As I skated to the door, she said, "Hang on a moment," as she gave herself an insulin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 271

24/12/2014 14:43 - United States - Herndon

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 036

You deserved it 3 963

19/07/2016 00:43 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 078

You deserved it 1 361

07/07/2009 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I queued up for few hours in torrential rain to see the Harry Potter premiere. After just four hours sleep and waking at 3am, I fell asleep during film and missed the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 790

You deserved it 62 878

FAKE NEWS!

By cocomitchie - 07/07/2021 00:01

Today, I have a serious bladder problem, which causes me to frequently urinate. If I'm unable to, I get really bad cramps. To ensure I always can go, I got a note from my doctor stating I can go during class. My professor threw it away and claimed it was fake. Hello, cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 65

26/11/2009 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 406

You deserved it 3 352

24/03/2019 14:00

Today found out I need to have emergency surgery which is extremely convenient considering I'm literally supposed to be moving out of state in 2 days and my whole house is completely packed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 077

You deserved it 121

16/12/2008 07:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 045

You deserved it 2 151

15/10/2015 20:44 - United Kingdom - Hampton Hill

Today, I got turned down by my dream job because their rival company happens to be called my exact name. I'm now known as "The Spy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 999

You deserved it 1 500

23/04/2009 20:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit. I had a cute pink skirt on, a white tank top and silver strappy sandal heels. On my way to the mall a car pulls over and this guy asks me how much for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 151

You deserved it 75 490

19/08/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 013

You deserved it 3 496

27/02/2014 20:58 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 008

You deserved it 6 123

21/04/2012 06:15 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 077

You deserved it 5 008

Says something about you, probably

By Amanda Howard - 27/04/2020 02:00

Today, my brother, who recently got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery, got a job at Target. I applied to the same Target six times, and was denied every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 155

03/05/2014 00:03 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 567

You deserved it 3 581

11/07/2011 04:23 - Australia

Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 244

You deserved it 4 483

Nice guys

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 19:59

Today, having split up with my husband, I tried to plan visitation so he could visit my sons, his stepkids, only to be told he has no intention of visiting kids that aren’t actually his, and that now we’re divorced they're entirely my problem and good riddance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 980

09/03/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 875

You deserved it 4 813

Barf

By rawr_ily96 - 24/05/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 192

10/11/2012 00:30 - United States - Eagle Pass

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 631

You deserved it 3 482

10/03/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 501

You deserved it 5 926

06/05/2013 06:06

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 387

You deserved it 11 313

20/12/2009 04:13 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 794

You deserved it 4 091

21/08/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 786

You deserved it 2 972

15/12/2012 18:43 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 937

You deserved it 4 634

27/11/2013 08:44 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 838

You deserved it 16 632

02/04/2014 21:22 - Denmark - Herning

Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 040

You deserved it 6 859

03/02/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 893

You deserved it 55 165

13/07/2013 07:14 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 127

You deserved it 4 420

28/04/2009 09:01 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 147

You deserved it 109 996

02/11/2015 19:25 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend had the choice of A) living alone gaming, or B) moving in with me, gaming in his own man-cave, lots of sex, and lots of pizza. He chose choice A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 943

You deserved it 5 138

#Childfree

By ChildFree - 20/04/2015 23:55 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 517

You deserved it 4 565

26/08/2018 14:30

Today, I went to get Lasik eye surgery. Beforehand, they give you an anxiety control pill because you're conscious during the operation. Guess who is immune to the pill and now has to get checked for anxiety disorders before rescheduling the surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 445

You deserved it 159

Going well

By Sam - 25/06/2014 05:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as a recruiter, I had an interview with a promising candidate for an open position at my company. The interview was going well until the candidate interrupted me halfway through to take a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 922

You deserved it 4 410

31/01/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 3 462

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Top comments

arano 29

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Friday 21 August 2015 14:47

HULK SMASH!

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Friday 21 August 2015 14:52

nonetheless, A for Effort for your boyfriend

Comments

arano 29

Send a private message

Friday 21 August 2015 14:47

HULK SMASH!

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Saturday 22 August 2015 8:18

Damn it! I am too late...

Send a private message

Friday 21 August 2015 14:47

Your boyfriend has some powerful hands!

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Friday 21 August 2015 16:46

He wants to show you how strong he can be ._.

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Friday 21 August 2015 22:12

By fracturing a bone in her foot?

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Friday 21 August 2015 14:51

I guess he didn't want to disappoint…

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Friday 21 August 2015 14:52

nonetheless, A for Effort for your boyfriend

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Friday 21 August 2015 16:57

Yeah-at least he tried hard

MegasaurusRex89 28

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Friday 21 August 2015 14:53

That's gonna be a fun story to tell! Your boyfriend sounds sweet though. His heart was in the right place; maybe not his hands, but definitely his heart. :)

Stillalex_fml 7

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Friday 21 August 2015 18:23

Too much pressure to hurt her feet U call that sweet !

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Friday 21 August 2015 19:43

Considering not every guy is willing to rub a girls feet, yes it is sweet. She probably had something wrong with her foot from running and he made it worse, but he was trying to be nice. Not like he did it on purpose.

wanted_2_want 40

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Friday 21 August 2015 14:56

Be careful of what you wish for... Or rather, what you asked for.

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Friday 21 August 2015 15:10

op was offered though.

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Friday 21 August 2015 15:24

10, though OP asked for a lot of pressure

iwanttogotoparis 26

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Friday 21 August 2015 15:03

Well at least he was trying to help

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Friday 21 August 2015 15:10

Haha another Career oprotunity shot in The face

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Saturday 22 August 2015 5:27

Another oprotunity to spell right shot in the face

Dick_diamond 22

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Friday 21 August 2015 15:10

He doesn't know his own strength.. Sweet thought, though..

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Friday 21 August 2015 15:26

Let's just hope your boyfreind isn't considering becoming a chiropractor.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 36

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 104