By skyllabeauty1234 - United States - San Francisco Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML I agree, your life sucks 24149 You deserved it 2696 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anna Lete Today, my apartment was flooded due to a broken pipe, which caused a huge family of cockroaches to disperse. Did you know they can fly? FML I agree, your life sucks 4834 You deserved it 318 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ManInTrouble - United States Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML I agree, your life sucks 51545 You deserved it 4500 214 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By advanced history teacher - United States - Phoenix Today, I asked my class to name some West African countries. Several of them thought Ebola was a country. I teach an AP history class. FML I agree, your life sucks 37227 You deserved it 4098 174 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By katybaby - United States Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML I agree, your life sucks 32237 You deserved it 11649 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I am sorry Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 3823 You deserved it 176 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML I agree, your life sucks 33078 You deserved it 7160 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By why me?? - United States - Las Vegas Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML I agree, your life sucks 22043 You deserved it 59469 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By haphazard2007 - United States Today, I got a gift from my wife in the form of divorce papers. She waited till after New Year's so it wouldn't show up on her taxes for 2011. FML I agree, your life sucks 33925 You deserved it 2837 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Erik Aleckson Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML I agree, your life sucks 1768 You deserved it 125 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Dekalb Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML I agree, your life sucks 55447 You deserved it 4215 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rayvyn - United States Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 37783 You deserved it 7342 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Wheredigowrong - United States - Ankeny Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML I agree, your life sucks 45078 You deserved it 5430 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tbalboa - United States Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML I agree, your life sucks 31673 You deserved it 3259 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pst - South Africa We need a break Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML I agree, your life sucks 18614 You deserved it 59043 238 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jill - United States - Salt Lake City Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 46956 You deserved it 8128 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML I agree, your life sucks 31527 You deserved it 2358 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went on a long flight. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a great girl. However, she must have thought I was not so great, because she moved to the empty seat across the aisle. Next to my dad. Who then told stories about how I always get motion sickness on airplanes. I then threw up. FML I agree, your life sucks 26652 You deserved it 3695 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By righthook - United States Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML I agree, your life sucks 32694 You deserved it 8572 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By YankeeDoodle - Australia Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML I agree, your life sucks 25519 You deserved it 2049 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I almost died in the shower when I slipped and my dumbass self tried to grab the water. FML I agree, your life sucks 1495 You deserved it 397 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By trixieee Today, my boyfriend got a text from a "close female friend." The text was of her with no shirt on, and he quickly closed his phone. His explanation was that his female friends just want his opinion on how they look. I don't know what's worse, that there are several, or that he thinks I'm that stupid. FML I agree, your life sucks 2059 You deserved it 174 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By babysitter93 - United States Today, I was fired from the babysitting job I have had for 2 years. I thought maybe the mother had found out that I sometimes let her kids stay up late and have extra sweets. The real reason, as she told me, was that she didn't want her kids loving anyone more than they love her. FML I agree, your life sucks 58804 You deserved it 3541 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Asl94 - 16/1/2021 05:01 Are you calling me a fatass? Today, my mom asked me what I wanted as a gift, so I said a Cricut machine. She replied, "You don’t need exercise equipment, you need to eat healthier." A Cricut is a sticker maker. FML I agree, your life sucks 679 You deserved it 105 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By overly nationalistic redneck - Norway - Ytre Arna Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML I agree, your life sucks 48218 You deserved it 5290 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML I agree, your life sucks 26829 You deserved it 5002 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shooter71 - France Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML I agree, your life sucks 46006 You deserved it 3791 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Adam Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML I agree, your life sucks 8556 You deserved it 955 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/10/2020 11:02 The sweet smell of success Today, my dad decided to make home-made popcorn. He accidentally used old fish oil instead of mazola oil. Now the house reeks of fish and we can't even throw the popcorn out for fear of attracting wild animals. FML I agree, your life sucks 827 You deserved it 89 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lo_Bolian - United States Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML I agree, your life sucks 56558 You deserved it 3394 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML I agree, your life sucks 18394 You deserved it 47912 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By joe - United States - Easton Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML I agree, your life sucks 59575 You deserved it 8574 186 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ChocolateEverywhere - Australia - Melbourne Today, while I was at work, my kids had the great idea to make chocolate milk. My husband had the great idea not to clean up the chocolate mix the kids spilled, so the floor got covered in chocolate footprints. The cat then had the great idea to step in the mix, and cover everything else in chocolate paw prints. FML I agree, your life sucks 4684 You deserved it 463 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alchy - United States Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 13935 You deserved it 36137 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ashamed - United States - Brooklyn Today, in an effort to be more healthy, I bought a pack of protein bars as a substitute for snacks. I ate all 5 of them in one sitting. FML I agree, your life sucks 5115 You deserved it 4273 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, after weeks of watching car after car of solo drivers go by in the carpool lane every day, I decided to join them. I'm the one who got pulled over. FML I agree, your life sucks 10920 You deserved it 35110 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Stourport Today, I won a meal for two in a raffle. I had no one to go with. FML I agree, your life sucks 23951 You deserved it 2125 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I met my boyfriend's best friend. She was a girl he's known for years, and I respected that. She was sweet, until my boyfriend went to the bathroom and she threatened to stab me if I don't leave him. He doesn't believe me, and accused me of having serious jealousy issues. FML I agree, your life sucks 41869 You deserved it 2891 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anal4me - United States - Brooklyn Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML I agree, your life sucks 23762 You deserved it 3806 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kayla - United States Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 30749 You deserved it 8535 148 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Queasy - Canada Today, I found out that sitting in the third row at a 3D movie makes me vomit. Today I also found out that the big burly dude in front of me does not appreciate being vomited on. Now I feel nauseous and have a black eye. Not to mention I missed the last part of the movie. FML I agree, your life sucks 28146 You deserved it 6021 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By random2212 | 16 #6358982 - Thursday 23 July 2015 16:59 That takes talent Send a private message 140 1 Reply
By acorn2222 | 8 #6358993 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:06 At least you didn't pull a muscle in your neck while trying to give yourself a blowjob. Send a private message 131 1 Reply
By random2212 | 16 #6358982 - Thursday 23 July 2015 16:59 That takes talent Send a private message 140 1 Reply
Reply ukeandfoodislife | 19 #6358998 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:08 That happened to me once and now I'm extra careful of how hard I brush? You don't think it will ever happen but it does. Send a private message 14 1 Reply
Reply ukeandfoodislife | 19 #6359000 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:12 *brush. idk why it wrote a question mark Send a private message 9 1 Reply
Reply jake_braves | 25 #6359276 - Thursday 23 July 2015 21:45 My dad really hurt his back playing poker.. Send a private message 1 1 Reply
Reply ProximityToDeath | 20 #6359516 - Friday 24 July 2015 2:52 My step mom put her back out brushing her teeth once. Send a private message 1 2 Reply
By apineapple | 40 #6358983 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:00 Must have been some hardcore brushing. Send a private message 28 2 Reply
By UncleCaitlyn | 21 #6358985 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:02 Some pretty intense brushing Send a private message 16 2 Reply
By rieebee | 23 #6358987 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:03 Some like it rough. Send a private message 33 2 Reply
By olpally | 32 #6358988 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:03 This needs a follow up... Funny and painful all at the same time. How hard did you turn your neck to brush? Send a private message 3 11 Reply
By melons | 44 #6358992 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:05 Nope, there's definitely two of us... Send a private message 27 1 Reply
Reply i8cake | 12 #6359031 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:49 Been there done that too! It's such a pain in the neck! Apply a hot cloth (towel) to loosen up your muscles and you'll be fine in a day or so! Send a private message 12 1 Reply
Reply StiffPvtParts | 43 #6360369 - Saturday 25 July 2015 3:22 Happened to me, too ._. Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By acorn2222 | 8 #6358993 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:06 At least you didn't pull a muscle in your neck while trying to give yourself a blowjob. Send a private message 131 1 Reply
Reply UncleCaitlyn | 21 #6358997 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:07 I hate when that happens Send a private message 5 2 Reply
Reply MehNeckHurts | 5 #6359014 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:28 i have nothing to say... Send a private message 18 2 Reply
Reply KungFuJack3 | 16 #6359020 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:32 #20 Your name makes this so much better Send a private message 28 0 Reply
Reply MrKilgore | 14 #6359201 - Thursday 23 July 2015 20:25 #20 please tell me that you didn't have that happen... Send a private message 1 1 Reply
Reply QuaDECH | 13 #6359256 - Thursday 23 July 2015 21:24 Relatable. Send a private message 0 1 Reply
Reply wheresmymary | 22 #6359322 - Thursday 23 July 2015 23:21 Are you speaking from experience? Send a private message 4 1 Reply
Reply acorn2222 | 8 #6359353 - Friday 24 July 2015 0:02 Just to clarify #58, it is not from experience Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By emeraldisle | 30 #6358994 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:06 I must say I'm very impressed. Well done. Send a private message 8 1 Reply
By ukeandfoodislife | 19 #6358995 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:07 That makes two of us... I did the same when I was angrily brushing one time. Never again. Send a private message 8 1 Reply
By CliffyB03 | 28 #6358996 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:07 I bet you're the type of person with frayed bristles Send a private message 15 0 Reply
Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML I agree, your life sucks 176 You deserved it 23 0 Comments
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 515 You deserved it 64 7 Comments