All the FMLs

By Bird - 21/11/2017 21:54

Today, I woke up, walked outside, and tripped over my dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 507

You deserved it 386

Achicken123 tells us more.

Achicken123 22

Tuesday 21 November 2017 1:33

I have no clue what happened, she was so young and one day she just stopped doing cat things. None of the vets we went to could find anything. At least she passed in her sleep while somewhere she loved.

By stupid useless criminal - 21/11/2017 19:00

Today, I saw a young child passed out unattended in a hot car so I smashed the windows to rescue him. After waiting with him for 30 minutes, his mom came out and called the cops on me. I officially have a probation violation and the mom went home free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 632

You deserved it 567

Smile!

By Anonymous - 21/11/2017 15:00

Today, some official photographs went live on our company website. As I took a closer look, I realised I was in the background of one photo unloading boxes from a van. My trousers were halfway down my ass, flashing my butt crack for the whole internet to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 906

You deserved it 1 462

By Dummy - 21/11/2017 05:00

Today, I found out that the little red dots all over my body aren't some horrible disease like I originally thought. They're bedbug bites. I've managed to not notice a huge infestation for 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 541

You deserved it 1 152

By Shan.nel - 21/11/2017 01:30 - United States - Greer

Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 464

You deserved it 1 354

By ChasingShadows67 - 20/11/2017 21:48 - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, I skipped class. I had never done it before, so I was a little nervous, but it was on my bucket list so I gave it a shot. Later, I found out that the professor cancelled class within the first five minutes. Everyone who showed was given extra credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 721

You deserved it 5 523

ChasingShadows67 tells us more.

ChasingShadows67 6

Sunday 19 November 2017 22:54

OP here -- I'm a straight A student with a 4.0 GPA. I have my tuition paid for at the college of my dreams. My parents were extremely strict, so skipping class was never an option -- unless I was practically dying, I was going. So yeah, skipping a class was on my bucket list. As you can tell, it didn't work out so well.

By HousemateHorror - 20/11/2017 19:00

Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 274

You deserved it 587

By SmellyLeg - 20/11/2017 15:00

Today, my bike slipped on ice and I slid spectacularly for several meters. While my helmet saved me from a cracked skull, nothing could protect me from landing leg-first in the dog poop somebody hadn't bothered to pick up. I had to go to school like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 341

You deserved it 327

By Anonymous - 20/11/2017 06:00

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 215

You deserved it 541

By Idktbh - 19/11/2017 05:00 - United States

Today, when I finished helping a customer, she said, “Thanks cutie!” When I thanked her she giggled and said, “I just like making people smile, plus I bet you don’t get called that often!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 239

You deserved it 335

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 01:30

Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 140

You deserved it 364

By Sariitaa_fml - 18/11/2017 19:00

Today, I was in the romantic section of a book store making fun of the titles. Thinking my friend was behind me, I read in a sexy voice, “Sleeping with a Stranger” and turned to laugh only to find the 70-year-old store manager smiling and winking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 864

You deserved it 1 543

Oops.

By Anonymous - 18/11/2017 01:30

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 895

You deserved it 1 134

By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 262

You deserved it 457

By Brightbulb - 17/11/2017 05:00 - United States

Today, I went to work feeling great. I'd just paid off my student loans and was planning a trip to see friends in Italy. I left work unemployed because a fraud case I exposed 3 years ago got the company sued for slander. It was thrown out because everything was fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 823

You deserved it 375

By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 3 993

By Misskittygal14 - 16/11/2017 15:00

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 578

You deserved it 1 183

By Stressed Seamstress - 16/11/2017 06:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my usual 15 minute return trip from the fabric store took almost an hour and a half due to traffic. Once I finally got home, I realized I misunderstood the pattern I'm using and only bought half the fabric I needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 344

You deserved it 786

Classy.

By Alexis - 16/11/2017 05:00 - United States

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 108

You deserved it 683

Coincidence?

By lessimportantthanatable - 15/11/2017 19:00 - United States - Northfield

Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 818

You deserved it 1 031

By Chiiii - 15/11/2017 01:30

Today, I got home from working abroad for eight months and opened my post. I'm being taken to court over three parking tickets my mom didn't tell me she'd gotten using my car. If we lose, my credit score is affected for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 357

You deserved it 321

By azouwa - 14/11/2017 19:14

Today, my mom stole 18 grand from my disabled sister's trust fund to give to an online boyfriend. As a trustee, the government can go after me for what my mom did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 873

You deserved it 329

azouwa tells us more.

azouwa 26

Monday 13 November 2017 16:33

She is also a trustee. There are 4 trustees. My 2 bros, my mom, and me. The govt can, and probably will, will go after all 4 of us. My bros and I will discuss it with the lawyer that helped us set the trust account up and have my mother removed.

Smooth move, teach.

By Faceplant - 14/11/2017 19:00 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I monitored my students as they conducted a lab experiment. I was walking to the other side of the room while looking at a student who seemed about to ask a question. When she looked up at me, I walked into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 045

You deserved it 706

By Anonymous - 14/11/2017 15:00

Today, I went on a hike. It had snowed the night before so I wore warm clothes. They didn’t help when I slipped and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 115

You deserved it 493

Spoiler warning

By Cantseethroughdoors - 14/11/2017 05:00

Today, everyone was signing a birthday card to surprise a coworker. I was told to go find someone who hadn't signed it so I went to the office next to mine, opened the door, and told them about the card. The intended recipient was sitting behind the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 982

You deserved it 1 298

Surprised? No, really. We can't tell anymore.

By Stella5127 - 13/11/2017 23:54

Today, while getting my eyebrows waxed, the girl pulled off a strip and screamed, "Susan!" The owner came over and gave a look of pure disgust before saying, "Oh honey, you need to focus. Just give her 5% off." My whole eyebrow was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 142

You deserved it 415

Stella5127 tells us more.

Stella5127 12

Sunday 12 November 2017 8:41

They gave me a baggy of this eyebrow pomade stuff....it was black, I have blonde hair. ??

By alwaysalabama - 13/11/2017 23:33

Today, I overheard my mother trying to convince my brother that it's okay that our aunt and uncle are also step-brother and step-sister. This sprouted from an earlier discussion of how it's normal for people to be related multiple ways, like with us and our cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 153

You deserved it 922

hadtomakeausername tells us more.

hadtomakeausername 1

Monday 16 January 2017 7:30

<p>OP here (I didn't hook my email when I orginally submitted)</p> <p>To clarify, my aunt and uncle were married with kids before they became step-sister and brother. My grandmother died (my uncle's mother), and coincidentially my aunt's mother had been widowed for some time. My grandfather (my uncle's father) married my aunt's mother. I just still think it is hella weird, but we just joke about it when we meet around for the holidays.</p>

By MonieIndmiddle - 13/11/2017 05:00

Today, my kids caught a virus from school. My husband stayed home with them since I make more money and he didn't want to risk me getting sick. Guess which adult has the runs and is puking every five seconds. Nope, not him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 130

You deserved it 343

By Truffle - 12/11/2017 23:22 - United States - Waldorf

Today, I got an almost $200 vet bill because my mom's cat tried to eat a cactus. This same cat chewed through a wall only a week prior. I have no idea what this crazy thing will do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 116

You deserved it 449

taintedtruffle tells us more.

taintedtruffle 42

Sunday 12 November 2017 8:35

He has plenty of cat toys and two siblings so I doubt he is bored. And no his name is Bananas because he's so crazy. I will encourage her to play with him more- he loves the wand toys . Thanks for the suggestions.