All the FMLs

Yeah, it's not the only little friend I've found. And considering that when I took the snake to a reptile handler who knew a vet for venomous snakes because it was pretty and I had noticed some scaring, it turned out that the snake had the venom glands removed (improperly and likely illegally) So I really don't think they gave a damn about their animals at all. Yeah, I've found a few dead scorpions, mostly those black emperor scorpions anyone can get in a pet store. A few more interesting snakes and a couple harmless but interesting colour mutations of ball pythons. A couple of them were literally tied in a bag and just left there. Presumably they survived by eating each other. Aside from a rattlesnake and some weird ass snake that seemed to make a ton of noise by rubbing it's scales together nothing really spectacular. Glad I have a friend who's snake obsessed who introduced me to a guy who handles dangerous snakes because I was more interested in the kind of snake that can kill you rather then the pet store variety. I point them out and he takes care of it.

By nomorecleanballs4u - 28/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Tacoma

Today, my husband received a package in the mail containing a bottle of billiard ball cleaner for our pool table. Yes, billiard ball cleaner. I can't get that slovenly wretch to clean a toilet to save his life, but now he's determined to have the shiniest balls on the block. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 848

You deserved it 718

Talk about not getting the picture…

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 19:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally worked up the courage to break up with my boyfriend. His parents weren't able to pick him up for 5 hours. I ended up taking him to a movie to kill time and end on a positive note, but now he thinks we're cool and back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 497

You deserved it 2 033

By mstannyngdogevr - 28/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Orlando

Today, my fiancé and I moved into a new home a few houses away from our previous one. We were excited about not hearing our roommate's dog howling non-stop anymore. We can hear him from the new house. Very clearly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 968

You deserved it 1 950

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Troy

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my wish of a pet that I could take care of for a few years. They got a parrot. I guess 75 years or more is a few years to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 863

You deserved it 1 356

By Itchy - 28/02/2017 18:00

Today, I found out I'm allergic to soil, pollen, dust, mold, the colors green, yellow, orange, black and grey, most metals, wood, carpet, drywall, most hygiene and beauty products, and plastic. Basically, I was told to avoid the entire planet and everything man-made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 430

You deserved it 686

By Stargirl - 28/02/2017 07:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, in an attempt to support and encourage my efforts in getting a new job, my boyfriend said, "Imagine having triple what's in your bank account right now!" Triple what's in my bank account right now would be exactly $38.94. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 042

You deserved it 756

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 871

You deserved it 398

Evil

By Courts - 28/02/2017 21:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 554

You deserved it 530

An FML Photo captioned by hoperpq. Well done!

By hoperpq - 28/02/2017 09:36 - France - Paris

Today, mom was finally convinced that grandpap is senile when he decided to "hunt" the deer head mounted on the wall with his shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 373

You deserved it 187

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 04:00

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 327

You deserved it 1 630

Well done!

By ev_lyn_aw - 28/02/2017 02:00

Today, I received a company-wide email from my boss, praising a coworker's extra effort at improving our line of business. The coworker's efforts were a direct copy-and-paste of a plan I put together three months ago. No one cared when I gave the presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 920

You deserved it 446

By Brokebitch2017 - 27/02/2017 22:00

Today, I finally got my phone and internet services reinstated after a billing mishap. During the week that I was without service, I had 3 requests for interviews and a position offer. None of those opportunities are still available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 397

You deserved it 829

Sorry Stuart…

By connor1701 - 27/02/2017 20:00

Today, I went to put my coat on to go out. I put my hand in my pocket, not knowing there was a mouse sleeping in there. I squeezed it, it bit me and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 377

You deserved it 652

By Yudith - 27/02/2017 12:00 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I discovered a cold sore in my ear, which I need to treat with a cream. Because of health issues, I already have six different creams and lotions to apply to various parts of my body, including buttcrack and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 643

You deserved it 672

By pain in my gums - 27/02/2017 11:30 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I went to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth removed. The surgeon took a better X-ray to see what he was dealing with before he got started. When he came back into the room, he started to laugh and told me it was my lucky day because in the X-rays he found 2 big extra wisdom teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 973

You deserved it 395

By Tang - 27/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he wasn't on Facebook for the last two days. It turned out his father found out we were talking, and banned him from logging on. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 892

You deserved it 581

By GarnetShaddow - 27/02/2017 04:20 - United States - Boulder

Today, my boyfriend decided he preferred his other girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 535

You deserved it 757

Garnetshaddow tells us more.

Garnetshaddow 30

Sunday 26 February 2017 23:21

I am the OP, and very shocked this actually got published! (Though I HATE the GIF they chose... Can that get removed?) Basically, it's a shit situation all around. He knows her from his public speaking job, and she used to live out of state. He met me locally. He was going to tell her they were done the same day she told him she was job hunting in our state and moving to be closer. I did know pretty much the whole time. He kept setting deadlines on making a decision. Pretty much all of them were tied to whether or not she was actually moving here. This went on months. I finally told him he had to pick one girl to date... and he decided because she made the commitment of moving here from another state, she deserved at least a chance. Of course, he wants to be friends, wants to hang out, understands I won't wait but if things don't work out... I haven't heard from him since. I probably deserve it. I still feel like it's an FML.