Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the...

By legit - 2/3/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20152

You deserved it

46797

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Fashion Police

They're everywhere

By Marcipaud - 5/5/2016 17:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12505

You deserved it

972

Favorite

By nja - 12/7/2020 23:01

Socializing

Today, it's the first day in 14 weeks I've got dressed up and gone out anywhere other than to go food shopping. Shame it’s to attend a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1439

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By Crashburn - 16/1/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40739

You deserved it

15355

Favorite

By OverIt - 25/2/2014 22:24 - United States - Winchester

Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55535

You deserved it

11106

Favorite

By reddd - 10/5/2012 06:44 - United States

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28920

You deserved it

11363

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14485

You deserved it

26261

Favorite

By anonymous - 10/11/2016 14:29 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10687

You deserved it

749

Favorite

By Samm Povich - 25/2/2012 05:36 - United States

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35805

You deserved it

2521

Favorite

By greenchan - 25/2/2011 05:12 - United States

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51094

You deserved it

20850

Favorite

By Noname - 13/3/2009 07:27 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend that I've had a crush on him since our junior year. Since I couldn't see him I shot him a text. His response: "Yeah I know. I've tried kind of ignoring it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

80444

You deserved it

7743

Favorite

By leafscupwin - 16/10/2012 04:16 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the person that interviewed me for a job was the same person I called a "fat bitch" at a baseball game after she knocked over my drink while she was dancing. She recognized me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10041

You deserved it

45027

Favorite

By ihatelife - 14/5/2011 23:17 - Canada

Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received. I was excited because I'd been waiting for the coaches to call me back for tryouts for a week now. Trying to figure out how to listen to it, I ended up deleting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17202

You deserved it

28376

Favorite

By leigh2812 - 5/1/2010 22:03 - France

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41688

You deserved it

14373

Favorite

By anonymus - 27/5/2012 01:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31082

You deserved it

2208

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/5/2010 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I was forced to spend three hours looking at a fat guy's butt crack, seated directly in front of me in an exam. I'm pretty sure it lowered my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32998

You deserved it

7723

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/8/2020 02:01

Rude

Today, my brother-in-law still insists on referring to me as "his brother's wife" and tells everyone I'm not his "sister-in-law." I've been married to his brother for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1344

You deserved it

136

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/8/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36030

You deserved it

3468

Favorite

By nsb124 - 28/1/2015 08:07 - United States

Today, it was my brother's birthday. I was short on money but got him a present anyway. After opening it, he looked at it and said, "I didn't really want this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31691

You deserved it

2792

Favorite

By ellie - 23/11/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35575

You deserved it

3112

Favorite

By diddlysquat - 14/1/2009 08:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12976

You deserved it

53489

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 21:59 - United States - Elmwood Park

Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44751

You deserved it

5820

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/8/2020 23:02

Wrong place, wrong time

Today, my boyfriend are I are staying at his parents' while they are away. While having sex in their bed, the whole bed went crashing to the floor. We have no idea what to do, and we leave tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

594

You deserved it

2035

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 09:01

Walked into that one

Today, I stopped by McDonald's with my brother. I asked him what he wanted and I repeated his order. The lady said, "We don't have that here." I stupidly answered, "That's weird. We have it where I come from," and she replied, "Where did you come from honey, 1995?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1026

You deserved it

474

Favorite

By Sam - 21/5/2009 02:17 - Canada

Today, I ordered more memory and a new hard drive for my computer. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41876

You deserved it

8714

Favorite

By annoyedwithkids - 2/7/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I was baby sitting ten year old twins. When they first saw me, they ran away screaming and hid in the closet. This isn't the first house where this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33541

You deserved it

5382

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/12/2011 12:40 - Australia

Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26990

You deserved it

3259

Favorite

By SHUTUPDAD! - 17/10/2020 20:02

Noise annoys

Today, my dad found his old harmonica. It’s been five hours and he shows no signs of stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

973

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/12/2016 17:29 - United States - Charleston

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22277

You deserved it

2183

Favorite

By -_- - 12/1/2014 08:03 - United States

Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54335

You deserved it

4893

Favorite

By TheRuleEnforcer - 29/3/2013 08:33 - United States

Today, I was hit by a car in a parking lot. The person sped off; I broke three ribs. My parents screamed at me for not getting the driver's info. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42386

You deserved it

2837

Favorite

By damnedbydurberg - 22/11/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, after years of torment and relentless harassment, I finally built up the courage to stand up to a bully. I got a detention for swearing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40708

You deserved it

3360

Favorite

By akasoor - 11/2/2013 01:51 - Canada - Hythe

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30127

You deserved it

5900

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/6/2012 12:08 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25051

You deserved it

2779

Favorite

By natrat222 - 26/11/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa

Break up

Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2502

You deserved it

1020

Favorite

By dJ21 - 15/12/2009 09:23 - Guam

Today, I was at the airport getting ready to go to Hawaii. The guy at the counter said my flight was delayed. It turns out that the flight that was delayed was a flight going to Miami. My flight left at the regular time, and my luggage was on it, because I checked in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31365

You deserved it

3687

Favorite

By Twinner - 20/10/2009 19:03 - Canada

Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50035

You deserved it

4672

Favorite

By ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- - 4/9/2015 15:48 - United States - Laurel

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26273

You deserved it

1572

Favorite

By billjoebob424 - 19/3/2016 01:18 - Canada - Erin

Today, I walked in on my younger cousin trying to find Minecraft porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20546

You deserved it

1767

Favorite

By Steph - 21/6/2009 12:05 - Bulgaria

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58157

You deserved it

3223

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/7/2016 22:35 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16297

You deserved it

1112

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By m0nicam0nster | 0

#11183 - Monday 2 March 2009 18:56

yeah...clearly you WEREN'T hitting the insanely high notes if it sounded like you were screeching in pain.

By sexy1 | 0

#11359 - Monday 2 March 2009 21:02

are you a dude? that would be great!

COMMENTS

By King_of_Kings | 3

#10879 - Monday 2 March 2009 12:28

Now that is funny as hell.

LinkinParkPlaya | 0

#1021929 - Sunday 6 June 2010 23:30

YDI for singing like shi*.

yake12 | 0

#1241535 - Saturday 14 August 2010 20:29

obviously not "hitting" the high notes then were u

SydneyG | 0

#2799496 - Friday 1 July 2011 18:51

i agree lmao

By Meri_fml | 0

#10897 - Monday 2 March 2009 13:13

xDDD lmao

By Melody_fml | 0

#10920 - Monday 2 March 2009 13:44

yeahs....i'm sorry!!
i wouldnt EVER sing in the shower after that if i were you....just incase it happens again.
*shudders* i guess its a good thing i dont sing in the shower or live with me dad...