Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked...

By jajaja - Canada

Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

Serious times

Freshman blues

By n0taplumber - United States

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

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By bastardddd - United States

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

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By radiationkillz - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought several bottles of Potassium Iodine pills and a gas mask, due to the radiation scare from Japan. We live in Texas. FML

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By fuck people - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

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By damn cats

Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 08:00

He's a very naughty boy

Today, a Jehovah's Witness followed me around, talking about Jesus. My dad's a pastor. I hear this stuff all day, every day. FML

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By NeverLookingAgain - United States

Today, I faced my fears. I've always had a weird fear of looking out of windows at night, afraid a face would suddenly appear. When I heard a strange noise outside, I looked out the window. Sure enough, the face of a man suddenly appeared. FML

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By Curt - United States

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

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By J - Malta - Piet?

Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Huffman

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

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By TehUglyLife - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

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By youreajoker - Australia

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

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By Jonnyboo - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

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By Nickname - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

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By Herdad - United States

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

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By >.> - Canada - Chestermere

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

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By reginaphalange - Australia

Today, I found out that my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. I had just finished planning a surprise party for her. FML

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By hatelife - United States

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

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By fml9124 - 7/11/2020 17:02

Legalize it!

Today, my state decriminalized small amounts of every hard drug you can name. Heroin, LSD, cocaine, you name it. I'm a recovering addict. I moved to Oregon to get away from the big city and drugs and take in nature. No I didn't. I knew this would happen. I'm screwed. FML

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By Unfortunately Me - United States - San Jose

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

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By go snope yourself - United Kingdom

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

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By GrannyAt22 - Canada

Today, I had to buy a wrist brace for a repetitive strain injury. I got the injury because I was knitting too much. I'm 22. FML

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By tkoester - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

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By UnpaidBabysitter - United States - New York

Today, I was shut in a boiling hot room with six children: a 10-year-old who kept shouting, a belligerent 7-year-old, two 5-year-olds who thought hitting me was funny and two 2-year-olds, who wouldn't stop crying. Their parents were just outside, laughing away, ignoring me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML

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By pwndbykidz - Canada

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 20:00

Tasty

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

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By notafan - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I spent nearly half an hour looking for my favourite pair of shoes. I ended up getting so pissed off that I accused my boyfriend of stealing them. He then pointed out that I was wearing them. FML

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By lame-o-prof - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

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By angela - 9/4/2020 23:00

Busted!

Today, I went to a party. Although I wasn't drinking, I was still afraid the cops would bust me. Halfway through the party, the cops showed up. I tried to hop a fence, ripping my pants and cutting my leg in the meantime. It wasn't until was on the ground that I found out there was a gate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

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By Bee - Canada

Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML

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By Scared - 28/8/2020 05:03

Meet the parents

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Remember the show Honey Boo Boo? They seem sophisticated compared to the family of weirdoes I got to meet. It's almost got me reconsidering my planned proposal. FML

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By gettinganF - United States - Severn

Today, while in class, my friend would not stop annoying me by tapping me on the shoulder every so often. After the fifth time, I lost my patience, told him to F off, and slapped his hand. Only it wasn't my friend tapping my shoulder this time, it was my teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - Greece - Athens

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

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By justjust - United States

Today, I was at work at a preschool. I was sitting outside with the kids and was getting bored so I started singing. One of the little girls runs up and puts her hand over my mouth and tells me to stop. I'm in a select chorus at my highschool and plan to major in choral studies in college. FML

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Top comments

By jessssxo | 0

#10360 - Sunday 1 March 2009 23:44

haha, he's so wrong.

By vonstrangle | 0

#10409 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:35

he must not know it's a turn on when girls coordinate their brace elastics with the nearest holiday. haha yyeah. sorry about those little metal guys, you'll be a babe when they come off i'm sure.

COMMENTS

By jessssxo | 0

#10360 - Sunday 1 March 2009 23:44

haha, he's so wrong.

crazycornn | 0

#871399 - Friday 19 February 2010 6:06

yeah braces are supa sexy!

GiRl951 | 0

#974999 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:26

smack him

Black_Moon_Fang | 0

#1117486 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 4:06

haahah yea!!!! makes girls look cute :)

DisappearingRose | 18

#1287841 - Monday 23 August 2010 4:07

Yeah, he's definatly wrong! I look great in braces and my ex boyfriend and boyfriend thinks I look better. So far my life has been great since I've gotten used to them, but idk how I'm supposed to French kiss ;)

sillybabee | 3

#1375758 - Thursday 9 September 2010 9:29

um it's impossible for braces to get stuck while making out and crap...I used to have them, I asked my orthodontist((:

iiNfAMoUs_KiiD | 3

#2408968 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 11:08

what !? haha I think girls with braces are cute, well thats if you have a cute face tho lol

multiplecoloredc | 0

#2520907 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:22

Uhmm, he is badly mistaken. My boyfriend has braces and he is so adorable, and French kissing isn't a problem. I would prefer him with braces than without.

baden18830 | 5

#3245999 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 11:45

yeah they're def cute, long as you're pretty to begin with, they won't make anything worse

By Sleepwalker_fml | 3

#10363 - Sunday 1 March 2009 23:45

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

ambrz | 0

#840546 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 8:53

whoa ur eyebrow is intense lmfaooo

amerrah | 4

#877625 - Sunday 21 February 2010 4:28

Haha VERY

By Amkii | 0

#10373 - Sunday 1 March 2009 23:52

lol What a jerk. Sorry about the braces, though.

By i_am_tiff_21 | 0

#10379 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:00

He is definately wrong. Boys don't care if a girl wears braces.

By julesies | 0

#10381 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:03

nah, don't worry. boys don't really care, unless the boy has braces too. THEN you have a problem...

By katiebug | 0

#10382 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:05

Haha that was pretty awful of your dad, but from my experiences, guys don't really care about braces.

By dammn | 0

#10383 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:07

lmao that was so mean !

By Grawrgh | 0

#10389 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:16

Are you kidding me? I'm a sucker for a girl with braces.

dannnn_fml | 0

#980018 - Thursday 15 April 2010 6:42

haha

By vonstrangle | 0

#10409 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:35

he must not know it's a turn on when girls coordinate their brace elastics with the nearest holiday. haha yyeah. sorry about those little metal guys, you'll be a babe when they come off i'm sure.

By greenfinch | 0

#10410 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:36

He is SO wrong...