Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked...

By jajaja - 1/3/2009 19:45 - Canada

Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML

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Miscellaneous

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By Wtf - 10/2/2017 15:00 - United States - Peoria

Today, I was asked to babysit for a family that attends the daycare I work at. All of my coworkers warned me that they were rough kids but I shrugged it off. As soon as the parents left, the 7-year-old girl said, "Oh good now I can focus on death and my plans". FML

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By rob - 23/11/2008 10:59 - France

Today, my mum prepared my bag for football practice. In the changing room I found one of her thongs. FML

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By ilovemom - 1/12/2009 06:20 - Costa Rica

Today, after reading a very emotional article about always letting your loved ones know how much you love them in case it's your last time seeing them, I went to my mom and told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was for everything. Her reply? "Shut up kid, Vince Vaughn is on Ellen". FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

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By emegemerald - 4/7/2011 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to visit my great grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 16:17 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

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By FunGhoost - 20/2/2015 13:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

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By gaga - 22/5/2012 07:34 - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML

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By DisappointedDaughter - 26/6/2019 16:03

Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined since I let her move in with me a year ago. So far, the list contains a Christmas tree, my power drill, a toaster oven, inherited kitchen knives, an expensive bath towel set, multiple kitchen gadgets, a flatbed scanner and a laser printer. FML

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By im_not_me - 9/12/2009 12:31 - Australia

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on Facebook. She's in the forces, and it was her birthday. I asked her if she liked the flowers I sent her. She thanked me, then asked if she could remove our relationship status. When I asked why, she said, "It's not like we're really going out anymore." FML

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By dawg - 15/12/2014 03:50 - United States - Stuart

Today, I found out that the "IRS scam" that I ignored last week was actually not a scam, and now I have a warrant out for me. FML

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By Rachael - 24/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I wondered why the cashiers at my local chip shop were being so unusually friendly and knocked money off my bill. Then when I got back to my boyfriend's house, I noticed my bright red bra shining through my black top like a light. I debuted my tits for some chips. FML

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By Hi-Tech - 3/3/2015 15:34 - Europe

Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2013 00:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2016 21:43 - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

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By dummy441 - 21/4/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls up and a bunch of guys get out who look really drunk. I jokingly said to the sober-looking man who had driven the van "Sucks you have to be the designated driver!" Turns out the "Drunk" guys were actually mentally challenged. FML

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By tdtf - 16/3/2016 09:11 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, I was taking the final exam for one of my classes. The teacher came over to my desk, grabbed my test and ripped it in half. Then he grabbed my hand and read the note I had written on it to remind myself to pay rent. FML

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By Username - 8/7/2011 20:02 - United States

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2010 15:40 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML

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By NotAnInLawFamilyMan - 10/12/2014 14:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

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By edot - 16/1/2010 03:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see John Mayer. Being 6'2", I didn't think there would be any trouble seeing the stage, until three 6'6" men stood directly in front of me, pissed in a cup and managed to spill it over me. FML

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By vcarder - 4/10/2013 20:25 - United States - Newton

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

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By fail - 15/6/2012 15:36 - United States - Greeneville

Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML

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By Anatomy - 28/1/2017 22:00 - United States - Albany

Today, after being suspicious for some time, I learned that my husband really has been going to the library in his free time to study anatomy. Specifically female anatomy, with the librarian, in the back closet. FML

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By notagyno - 29/3/2013 14:19 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I realized how badly medical education has ruined me when I couldn't enjoy erotic literature because of one subtle anatomy mistake the author made. FML

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By liquidknight - 10/9/2012 12:48 - United States

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

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By anne - 17/6/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

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By rabbitkiller - 20/6/2015 10:42 - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriends house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

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By notexactly - 23/4/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML

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By EpicBunBun - 10/5/2017 18:00

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He had stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

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By Chris Chandler - 2/11/2018 17:30

Today, I was so parched I had to take way too long at the water fountain. I was drinking for so long a line started to form. As I finished my drink, the guy behind me puked on my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2015 17:42 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

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By Anon - 6/6/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

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By cduttl1230 - 26/6/2010 00:30 - United States

Today, after getting my appendix taken out, we had to drive over five sets of railroad tracks. Then, my four year old brother decided to punch me in the stomach because, "I took away his mommy for two days." FML

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By storyofmylife - 15/3/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

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By Cashier - 9/3/2011 05:36 - Canada

Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for 'the trouble' I caused. FML

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By forgotten - 19/10/2014 18:19 - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

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By :( - 31/7/2016 04:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

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Top comments

By jessssxo | 0

#10360 - Sunday 1 March 2009 23:44

haha, he's so wrong.

By vonstrangle | 0

#10409 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:35

he must not know it's a turn on when girls coordinate their brace elastics with the nearest holiday. haha yyeah. sorry about those little metal guys, you'll be a babe when they come off i'm sure.

COMMENTS

By jessssxo | 0

#10360 - Sunday 1 March 2009 23:44

haha, he's so wrong.

crazycornn | 0

#871399 - Friday 19 February 2010 6:06

yeah braces are supa sexy!

GiRl951 | 0

#974999 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:26

smack him

Black_Moon_Fang | 0

#1117486 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 4:06

haahah yea!!!! makes girls look cute :)

DisappearingRose | 18

#1287841 - Monday 23 August 2010 4:07

Yeah, he's definatly wrong! I look great in braces and my ex boyfriend and boyfriend thinks I look better. So far my life has been great since I've gotten used to them, but idk how I'm supposed to French kiss ;)

sillybabee | 3

#1375758 - Thursday 9 September 2010 9:29

um it's impossible for braces to get stuck while making out and crap...I used to have them, I asked my orthodontist((:

iiNfAMoUs_KiiD | 3

#2408968 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 11:08

what !? haha I think girls with braces are cute, well thats if you have a cute face tho lol

multiplecoloredc | 0

#2520907 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:22

Uhmm, he is badly mistaken. My boyfriend has braces and he is so adorable, and French kissing isn't a problem. I would prefer him with braces than without.

baden18830 | 5

#3245999 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 11:45

yeah they're def cute, long as you're pretty to begin with, they won't make anything worse

By Sleepwalker_fml | 3

#10363 - Sunday 1 March 2009 23:45

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

ambrz | 0

#840546 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 8:53

whoa ur eyebrow is intense lmfaooo

amerrah | 4

#877625 - Sunday 21 February 2010 4:28

Haha VERY

By Amkii | 0

#10373 - Sunday 1 March 2009 23:52

lol What a jerk. Sorry about the braces, though.

By i_am_tiff_21 | 0

#10379 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:00

He is definately wrong. Boys don't care if a girl wears braces.

By julesies | 0

#10381 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:03

nah, don't worry. boys don't really care, unless the boy has braces too. THEN you have a problem...

By katiebug | 0

#10382 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:05

Haha that was pretty awful of your dad, but from my experiences, guys don't really care about braces.

By dammn | 0

#10383 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:07

lmao that was so mean !

By Grawrgh | 0

#10389 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:16

Are you kidding me? I'm a sucker for a girl with braces.

dannnn_fml | 0

#980018 - Thursday 15 April 2010 6:42

haha

By vonstrangle | 0

#10409 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:35

he must not know it's a turn on when girls coordinate their brace elastics with the nearest holiday. haha yyeah. sorry about those little metal guys, you'll be a babe when they come off i'm sure.

By greenfinch | 0

#10410 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:36

He is SO wrong...