Geek: Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 87

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 178

01/03/2009 02:42

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 639

You deserved it 133 758

Late term

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Save yourself

08/12/2013 22:07

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 200

You deserved it 3 407

06/04/2009 17:15

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 058

You deserved it 5 972

Round and round

By Decibell - 18/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out the trigger to my horrendous, disgustingly painful migraines that last up to 5 days is... Pain. My migraines are literally causing themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 133

17/02/2015 19:17

Spicy

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 304

You deserved it 4 072

11/02/2009 00:41

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 307

You deserved it 3 589

Weirdo alert

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 04:26

Today, while running, a man ran up next to me and started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me and I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he sat down on my lawn in protest. He has been there for over 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 176

You deserved it 8 407

24/02/2015 15:10

Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 065

You deserved it 2 943

09/09/2009 20:16

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 850

You deserved it 4 599

16/04/2009 08:40

Spicy

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 060

You deserved it 16 950

07/03/2010 17:25

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 695

You deserved it 5 633

Dumbass

By notrocketscience - 07/05/2012 15:57

Today, the father of my child couldn't understand why he had been laid off from his job as a painter's assistant. He couldn't find a broom or vacuum, so he "cleaned" a carpet by laying down strips of painter's tape and pulling it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 321

You deserved it 3 736

03/03/2012 16:12

Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 848

You deserved it 31 713

25/04/2015 12:58

Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 267

You deserved it 3 092

28/05/2014 04:13

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 793

You deserved it 5 932

04/10/2011 01:19

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 251

You deserved it 54 550

Hot tub

By Anonymous - 03/08/2012 08:21

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 970

You deserved it 2 675

09/01/2012 00:59

Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 304

You deserved it 3 248

29/01/2011 11:55

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 844

You deserved it 4 114

28/04/2014 21:27

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 272

You deserved it 7 699

29/08/2018 20:30

Today, I had to carry the dead weight of my 90-pound husky upstairs to the bath because he hates it. He cried the entire time, loudly. He then rolled in the dirt when I let him outside to pee not even an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 705

You deserved it 485

18/12/2011 23:36

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 592

You deserved it 30 702

17/03/2010 12:48

Spicy

Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 035

You deserved it 28 651

04/02/2010 07:22

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 710

You deserved it 31 461

09/09/2009 04:22

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 647

You deserved it 5 769

02/01/2010 05:33

Today, our airplane was delayed because of issues with the de-ice-ing. Then, because it had too little fuel. Then, because of engine troubles. Then, because our first officer needed to be replaced due to legal restrictions on pilots' hours. Now, I get to go straight from the plane to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 774

You deserved it 2 332

14/11/2018 13:30

Today, while writing a midterm, my period came unexpectedly. Too bad my male professor was the one to notice and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 915

You deserved it 169

10/10/2015 04:33

Spicy

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 246

You deserved it 5 052

29/12/2009 10:57

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 256

You deserved it 3 043

28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 378

You deserved it 783

09/08/2019 12:00

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 119

11/08/2010 19:19

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 7 222

18/10/2018 22:00

Today, a girl confessed that she's loved me for years and wants to marry me and have my children. It was my half-sister and she said it in front of everyone at a family wedding. I don't know who to be most afraid of at this point: her fiancé or my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 909

You deserved it 167

06/06/2009 05:10

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 876

You deserved it 5 582

18/07/2013 20:53

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 319

You deserved it 12 001

04/07/2014 22:02

Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 490

You deserved it 7 512

30/01/2014 20:55

Today, I was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods in the nice cool weather, when a mountain biker came out of nowhere and tore past, barely missing me. As I counted my luck, another biker followed the first and crashed right into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 727

You deserved it 4 400

26/04/2009 12:35

Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 105

You deserved it 4 890

03/03/2011 14:21

Today, it's my birthday. My parents, whom I live with, told me that they did not get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 068

You deserved it 8 288

03/05/2011 12:04

Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 154

You deserved it 2 795

27/03/2013 08:00

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 879

You deserved it 5 973

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Sunday 1 March 2009 15:08

it is possible that he had valuable information on there (contacts, photos, notes, etc, that were not synced to their computer for some reason), bu spending 300 dollars on colored fliers seems a little absurd. I wouldn't be surprised if this was an exaggerated figure (by a few hundred). Guy seems like he deserves this one though.

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Sunday 1 March 2009 15:45

since everyone else already pointed out how dumb it was to spend $300 on fliers, i'd just like to point out that you're probably never going to see that phone again. when you own something that EVERYONE wants, don't lose it.

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Sunday 1 March 2009 14:47

Agree with #1. o.O

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Sunday 1 March 2009 15:08

it is possible that he had valuable information on there (contacts, photos, notes, etc, that were not synced to their computer for some reason), bu spending 300 dollars on colored fliers seems a little absurd. I wouldn't be surprised if this was an exaggerated figure (by a few hundred). Guy seems like he deserves this one though.

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Sunday 1 March 2009 15:12

EPIC FAIL=]

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Sunday 1 March 2009 15:43

#1 said it all

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Sunday 1 March 2009 15:45

since everyone else already pointed out how dumb it was to spend $300 on fliers, i'd just like to point out that you're probably never going to see that phone again. when you own something that EVERYONE wants, don't lose it.

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Wednesday 23 August 2017 11:18

everyone didn't want it...

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Sunday 1 March 2009 16:17

ohhh... tough one. but the 300$ on fliers- WHERE WERE YOU PUTTING UP FLIERS?!?! THE WHOLE CONTINENT?!

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Sunday 1 March 2009 16:26

Should've just bought a new phone for all that cashhh.

thebaroness1984 0

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Sunday 1 March 2009 16:43

If you lost the phone, it's gone, honey. Don't waste your time trying to get it back.

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Sunday 1 March 2009 16:48

An iphone cost like 199 right? So you just wasted like nearly 700 dollars if you go out and buy a new one right now. It's highly, highly doubtful you'll find your iphone, so you might as well get a new one instead of looking for it.

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Wednesday 23 August 2017 11:22

uh.... 199+300=499. where did you come up with the extra 200?

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Sunday 1 March 2009 17:17

i'll be this guy: you don't have insurance on your phone? also agree with 27...how many freakin flyers did you make?