Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat...

By tryon777 - 29/7/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML

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Love

Family values

Everyone's an expert

Hello everyone!

By Nikki Lynn Richardson - 18/5/2020 02:00

Late arrival

Today, I went to the store to go buy a pregnancy test because my period was 7 days late. I get home, go into the bathroom, pull down my underwear, pee and come to find out I'd started my period when I looked at it after peeing on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2015 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

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By LoveYouTooMa - 20/6/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

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By sadNsingle - 23/9/2017 06:00

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up right before my sister's wedding, because he didn't want to be there when we found out he gave the both of us an STD. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2012 16:37 - New Zealand

Today, I missed an important phone call. It's been so long since someone has called me that I didn't recognize my own ringtone. FML

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By screw life - 1/10/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

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By veebenjoo - 28/6/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, I got asked out for the first time in my life. During a prank call. By a complete stranger. FML

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By wellhellothere - 17/4/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm. Not only was it 30 degrees outside, but I was in the shower. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2010 01:47 - United States

Today, I got a spray tan for homecoming. While I was dancing, I got really sweaty and the spray tan rubbed off on the guy's white tux. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Grand Rapids

Marking territory

Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML

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By Jordan - 30/4/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

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By TacoMan32 - 6/12/2016 04:26 - Canada

Today, after months of unemployment, I finally started at a new job. The building burnt down on my very first shift. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML

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By neighbour hell - 25/4/2013 17:56 - Norway - Kristiansand

Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML

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By wrongplacewrongtime - 22/2/2013 06:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

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By Obviously works everywhere - 20/9/2017 23:15

The customer is always a dong

Today, a customer filed a formal complaint with corporate about me, because I wouldn't help her find things she wanted while I was off the clock. We were in a completely different store than the one where I actually work. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 03:07 - United States

Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML

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By kelizabeth - 5/8/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, I went with my fiancé to meet his parents. He was really sweet the whole way there, and once we got there he introduced me as 'the girl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said, "Are you sure?" I laughed, because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

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By tee - 6/4/2015 20:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

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By xTRYSOFTx - 7/3/2020 03:00 - United States

Crime scene

Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML

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By lancus - 7/6/2020 14:06

Patriotic ass

Today, my 6-year-old daughter and I were leaving a swimming pool when we passed the front desk, where there was a Canadian flag. She said, "Look daddy! A maple leaf! Just like on your ass!” I forgot that she knew about my tattoo and the flag. We ran out as people burst out laughing. FML

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By Misskittygal14 - 16/11/2017 15:00

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

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By coco - 18/6/2009 05:10 - Canada

Today, I was on a very crowded bus, standing near the back door. People had to get off at the stop, and being near the door, I had to step off the bus, allowing the people to exit. I was about to enter back into the bus, the door closed and the bus driver took off, leaving me stranded. FML

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By lostwife - 22/11/2011 16:20 - United States

Today, I lost my job for taking an unauthorized vacation. I just got married and requested time off for the wedding and honeymoon months ago; it was approved then. They forgot, and then got angry because I didn't remind them. I did remind them, the day before I left. FML

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By Liz0352 - 8/11/2018 04:30 - United States - Bainbridge Island

Today, my youngest son's teacher surprised me with a box of diapers. Apparently my son told her I was pregnant, but I'm not. I had to explain to her I'm just fat. She apologized and felt awful, and told me to keep the diapers. My children are 5 and 7. FML

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By bee - 23/12/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I got my report card from school. I pulled my grade up in Algebra from a D to an A. My parents told me that they never expected me to accomplish this, and good job but they've already enrolled me in boarding school. So much for all that extra credit and staying late after school to study. FML

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By Karaoke Queen - 20/11/2018 12:00

Today, I went to a work event and was having my picture taken with a coworker. Since we had done karaoke together, someone said we should pose like we were singing. I held my hand up like I was holding a mic and opened my mouth. It looked like I was performing a sex act. My boss glared at me. FML

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By fuzzy - 23/9/2009 10:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. We haven't seen each other for a while so for a surprise, a few days ago, I decided to shave my pubic hair. I've come up in a huge rash that looks like some sort of infection. Not quite the sexy surprise I was hoping for. FML

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By rutho - 27/3/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

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By ScoozieBooze - 20/12/2012 18:17 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

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By ashleyyyy - 28/10/2011 15:59 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

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By perenoel - 3/12/2011 16:24 - France

Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML

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By SatelliteUser - 3/12/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2012 07:02 - United States

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

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By pinky - 12/2/2010 05:13 - Australia

Today, when setting up for a rehearsal, my eldest teacher was standing next to me. My music teacher announces that it will be a tight fit and hard for everyone to fit in the area. The old teacher next to me leans over and whispers, "I'd like to fit in your tight area." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2015 04:20 - United States - Tempe

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

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By fishingforubies2 - 24/7/2015 14:02 - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

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By Benji - 13/10/2008 08:32

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

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By - 4/1/2020 18:00

The best method!

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

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Top comments

By Mirorbo | 26

#1155955 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:22

Fuhohoho.... You were up until 2 in the morning waiting just to chat? Darling, I would have given her just 15 minutes before going off to bed!~

By Uranus_fml | 0

#1156197 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:51

Yeah, Why didn't you try and call her.

COMMENTS

By therealbmw | 2

#1155853 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:11

there's always tomaro

Mickay1232 | 0

#1155949 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:22

I would have just went to bed an said the next day "sorry I fell asleep and I had to go to work" lol

281go | 4

#1155990 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:26

ehh people need sleep...... like 1 said there's always tomaro.....

mtl_gtrst1723 | 0

#1156026 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:30

if u waited for more than an hour, ydi

yasmeenjonasx3 | 0

#1156030 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:30

yeah! #1 is right! tomaro seems like a good friend who would video chat with you instead! :)

gogo_speedracer | 0

#1156062 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:33

At least now she has to make up for it!! =D Some how..

jearojas | 4

#1156065 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:33

why didn't you guys set a time?
also, you could have called her.

therealbmw | 2

#1156096 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:35

fuck u #13

KSants7 | 0

#1156129 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:40

eh, monthly? lol

kassieparis | 8

#1156160 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:44

didn't you try to call her? like on the phone? x

wertan10 | 0

#1156227 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:55

you should send her a pic of your Wang

956TXking | 0

#1156233 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:55

mas puto

mrguy266 | 0

#1156272 - Thursday 29 July 2010 10:03

Dude..yeah that sucks. but still, grow a pair. don't be a pussy and post it online for something ordinary.

Arsonnist | 3

#1156286 - Thursday 29 July 2010 10:06

Haha nice #13. A grammar Nazi with a sense of humor.

LexaDear | 0

#1156390 - Thursday 29 July 2010 10:39

Show her your genitals, your genitals, show her you genitals, YOUR GENITALIA!

but I would just stay up all night if I were you.

sexybitch92 | 0

#1156526 - Thursday 29 July 2010 12:07

Awwww you love her !<3

Raiden353 | 0

#1156721 - Thursday 29 July 2010 13:41

lol #38. Jon LaJoie reference for the win

linx468 | 8

#1156845 - Thursday 29 July 2010 14:49

That song rules #38

Elicy1984 | 0

#1156863 - Thursday 29 July 2010 14:55

YDI, for waiting so long

LMFAOwned | 9

#1157364 - Thursday 29 July 2010 17:02

Lol @ 14 and 38.

14 - Sex reference ftw.

38 - Jon/Youtube reference ftw.

Have a nice day,
Wal-Mart Customer Service

indianstrongman | 0

#1157805 - Thursday 29 July 2010 19:22

LOL!! epic fail, u should tell her that's the last time u do that for her again and stick to your guns on that!

iB_fml | 8

#1160028 - Friday 30 July 2010 5:54

sorry op, I can totally relate to that one

Epickitty58 | 29

#5990490 - Saturday 28 June 2014 3:03

Tomaro? Do you mean TOMORROW? Even autocorrect thinks you're saying TOMATO!

By RileyL29 | 0

#1155855 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:12

wow... real fml...

956TXking | 0

#1156239 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:57

who knows what IT is.

youngrob | 0

#1156253 - Thursday 29 July 2010 10:01

clearly a girl. she's has titties. are you guys dumb?

mike12345678 | 0

#1156333 - Thursday 29 July 2010 10:18

you gotta wake that bitch up man

cantfightfate | 0

#1156870 - Thursday 29 July 2010 14:59

does that look anything like a guy?

randomlettrrs | 8

#1156987 - Thursday 29 July 2010 15:51

a little

duke_nukem_25299 | 0

#1157625 - Thursday 29 July 2010 18:13

i agree

By robbilee | 14

#1155858 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:12

that's hard times dude. next time tell her to go to ur house, but intact leave with friends.

Bees_fml | 0

#1156849 - Thursday 29 July 2010 14:49

English, please!

swimchic007 | 0

#1156905 - Thursday 29 July 2010 15:18

I'll attempt to translate #3 :)
"That's harsh dude. Next time, tell her to come to your house, but instead you'll leave with your friends."

Bees_fml | 0

#1157236 - Thursday 29 July 2010 16:38

Hello, harsh dude! Nice to meet you!

Close enough ;-)

luis420 | 0

#1157746 - Thursday 29 July 2010 19:03

#57 wins

By hsshae | 0

#1155870 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:13

better buy a energy drink

By Mirorbo | 26

#1155955 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:22

Fuhohoho.... You were up until 2 in the morning waiting just to chat? Darling, I would have given her just 15 minutes before going off to bed!~

Trumane | 4

#1156151 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:42

heh thats what he tells us :P

we all know what he thought was gonna happen :)

but i do feel sorry for you OP. thats not cool

mak3_1t_ra1n | 0

#1164017 - Friday 30 July 2010 22:06

8-way to make an effort!

By francesss | 0

#1155999 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:27

awh. ): that's not considerate of her. she couldve let you know she was tired.

By schwancy | 2

#1156075 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:34

awwww. False hopes. :(

By teriberri | 0

#1156116 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:39

Awwww that was cute on your part....

By Sarah__Louise | 0

#1156156 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:43

aww your sweet op

Bees_fml | 0

#1157678 - Thursday 29 July 2010 18:30

His sweet op?

By Uranus_fml | 0

#1156197 - Thursday 29 July 2010 9:51

Yeah, Why didn't you try and call her.

linx468 | 8

#1156471 - Thursday 29 July 2010 11:30

I see you have emoji.Emoji FTW 

Bees_fml | 0

#1156887 - Thursday 29 July 2010 15:06

Maybe he didn't call because she only has a landline and the OP didn't want to wake her housemates/family at that hour.