Love: Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 29

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 133

29/07/2010 00:40

Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 240

You deserved it 5 065

Love

Broken heart

Age difference

Working from home rules!

23/07/2015 18:28

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 748

You deserved it 3 170

08/07/2015 13:58

Today, I guest-played as a catcher for a new fastpitch softball team. After the first couple of innings, the batter fouled a ball back into my catcher's mask. As a concussion test, the coach asked me what her name was. I decided to fake the concussion rather than admit that I'd forgotten her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 151

You deserved it 5 973

04/11/2017 19:30

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 351

You deserved it 464

28/09/2013 16:25

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 660

You deserved it 4 368

20/03/2013 02:16

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 010

You deserved it 3 042

29/04/2009 05:39

Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 090

You deserved it 14 776

07/12/2015 13:28

Today, my dad read that if you pass gas from both ends at the same time it will create a vacuum inside your body and you'll implode. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 301

You deserved it 1 670

24/01/2010 05:01

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 647

You deserved it 2 839

02/04/2009 05:13

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 274 806

You deserved it 88 014

27/01/2011 20:15

Today, I found out that the money my boyfriend has "secretly" been putting away for the last two months is not for an engagement ring like I'd thought, but for a trip to Vegas I'm not invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 261

You deserved it 7 616

02/01/2011 00:51

Today, my boyfriend told me to stuff my bra before going to a party with him and his friends because he didn't want to be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 470

You deserved it 5 169

30/03/2017 00:00

Today, my cat looked like it was about to puke, so I put it outside. Unhappy with the situation, it leaped on to the kitchen window ledge and squeezed in through the open window, only to projectile vomit mid-leap all over the kitchen counter. I found a hairball in the butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 331

You deserved it 724

02/08/2009 06:10

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 725

You deserved it 4 124

The charity

By DreDre - 12/12/2019 03:00

Today, I found out that the dude I love has been taking the money I used to support him and buying heroin with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 952

You deserved it 690

11/05/2012 19:30

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 707

You deserved it 4 213

Enjoy yourself

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 14:01

Today, I woke up after a 16-hour shift, and my back is out. I worked it in order to "enjoy" my 2 days off. I can barely move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 79

04/06/2011 11:22

Today, my aunt gave my cat aspirin because when she touched his nose he had a 'fever'. I came home to a dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 114

You deserved it 4 152

08/09/2009 22:08

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the gym storage room at school. Apparently so did my Chemistry and Drama teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 121

You deserved it 7 571

06/07/2013 19:45

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 700

You deserved it 10 263

Full of himself

By myfavoritesgouda - 24/06/2021 17:13

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself, after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 543

You deserved it 9 622

10/09/2010 04:02

Today, I bought my boyfriend two concert tickets (of our favorite band) for his birthday. I was expecting him to bring me since I gave them to him and I like the band too. He said, "Sweet, thanks, I'll call my friend now and see if he wants to go. Think you could give us a ride?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 961

You deserved it 5 995

08/01/2017 19:23

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 586

You deserved it 967

12/02/2009 13:28

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 110

You deserved it 38 983

13/09/2010 09:40

Today, I procrastinated on doing my on-line training for my new job. Thinking it would only take a few hours to complete, I started it in the early evening. It is now almost 4 am, and I start my new job in 3 hours. There is still about another hour and a half on on-line training left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 704

You deserved it 52 898

Good girl

By StarvedForAffection - 13/01/2021 17:01

Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 232

04/07/2015 09:30

Today, my internet was so slow I couldn't even load an internet speed test to see how slow my internet was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 621

You deserved it 2 836

You wanker!

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 22:00

Today, my brother arrived at the cabin we’re staying at on a trip. He insisted he got the bed I chose. My father responded, "You wouldn’t want the bed if you knew what he did in it last night." I laughed until I realized there's a mirror where he could've easily seen "what I did last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 1 789

15/03/2009 03:56

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 074

You deserved it 17 255

27/01/2009 01:32

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 719

You deserved it 3 190

23/05/2016 18:44

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 755

You deserved it 1 403

05/01/2010 05:00

Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 597

You deserved it 3 253

01/02/2011 13:05

Today, I was going through the history on my computer. Apparently, while I was at school my mother used my computer, and I now know my mother wants to learn how to make her breasts look larger, amongst other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 038

You deserved it 3 880

24/04/2009 09:37

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 341

You deserved it 10 711

18/12/2009 22:14

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. These kids started to fight and scream at each other. I leaned next to her and said, "Man am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 428

You deserved it 32 888

14/07/2015 17:00

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's 'Mambo Number 5' on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 742

You deserved it 1 730

All kinds of wrong

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 14:01

Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 163

We need to see the video!

By Lightweight - 08/03/2021 20:02

Today, I found out that while some people make out with others when drunk, I apparently sing a weird mash up between "Bad Romance" and Terry Pratchett’s Hedgehog song. My friends recorded it and posted it on Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 295

30/12/2015 05:55

Today, a guy came to install a modem in my apartment. He needed to get to the jack behind my TV stand, so I helped him move it. Once the stand was moved, I saw a used condom that was hidden underneath. My cat must have pulled it out of my garbage weeks ago. There's no way the guy didn't see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 355

You deserved it 3 781

16/02/2014 12:56

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 437

You deserved it 20 102

20/11/2018 17:35

Today, my best friend and my ex-boyfriend went on a business trip, got drunk, and ended up sleeping together. Now they want to start dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 786

You deserved it 314

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Top comments

Mirorbo 26

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:22

Fuhohoho.... You were up until 2 in the morning waiting just to chat? Darling, I would have given her just 15 minutes before going off to bed!~

Uranus_fml 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:51

Yeah, Why didn't you try and call her.

Comments

therealbmw 2

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:11

there's always tomaro

Mickay1232 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:22

I would have just went to bed an said the next day "sorry I fell asleep and I had to go to work" lol

281go 4

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:26

ehh people need sleep...... like 1 said there's always tomaro.....

mtl_gtrst1723 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:30

if u waited for more than an hour, ydi

yasmeenjonasx3 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:30

yeah! #1 is right! tomaro seems like a good friend who would video chat with you instead! :)

gogo_speedracer 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:33

At least now she has to make up for it!! =D Some how..

jearojas 4

Thursday 29 July 2010 9:33

why didn't you guys set a time? also, you could have called her.

therealbmw 2

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:35

fuck u #13

KSants7 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:40

eh, monthly? lol

kassieparis 8

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:44

didn't you try to call her? like on the phone? x

wertan10 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:55

you should send her a pic of your Wang

956TXking 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:55

mas puto

mrguy266 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 10:03

Dude..yeah that sucks. but still, grow a pair. don't be a pussy and post it online for something ordinary.

Arsonnist 3

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Thursday 29 July 2010 10:06

Haha nice #13. A grammar Nazi with a sense of humor.

LexaDear 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 10:39

Show her your genitals, your genitals, show her you genitals, YOUR GENITALIA! but I would just stay up all night if I were you.

sexybitch92 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 12:07

Awwww you love her !<3

Raiden353 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 13:41

lol #38. Jon LaJoie reference for the win

linx468 8

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Thursday 29 July 2010 14:49

That song rules #38

Elicy1984 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 14:55

YDI, for waiting so long

LMFAOwned 9

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Thursday 29 July 2010 17:02

Lol @ 14 and 38. 14 - Sex reference ftw. 38 - Jon/Youtube reference ftw. Have a nice day, Wal-Mart Customer Service

indianstrongman 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 19:22

LOL!! epic fail, u should tell her that's the last time u do that for her again and stick to your guns on that!

iB_fml 8

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Friday 30 July 2010 5:54

sorry op, I can totally relate to that one

Epickitty58 29

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Saturday 28 June 2014 3:03

Tomaro? Do you mean TOMORROW? Even autocorrect thinks you're saying TOMATO!

RileyL29 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:12

wow... real fml...

956TXking 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:57

who knows what IT is.

youngrob 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 10:01

clearly a girl. she's has titties. are you guys dumb?

mike12345678 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 10:18

you gotta wake that bitch up man

cantfightfate 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 14:59

does that look anything like a guy?

randomlettrrs 8

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Thursday 29 July 2010 15:51

a little

duke_nukem_25299 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 18:13

i agree

robbilee 14

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:12

that's hard times dude. next time tell her to go to ur house, but intact leave with friends.

Bees_fml 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 14:49

English, please!

swimchic007 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 15:18

I'll attempt to translate #3 :) "That's harsh dude. Next time, tell her to come to your house, but instead you'll leave with your friends."

Bees_fml 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 16:38

Hello, harsh dude! Nice to meet you! Close enough ;-)

luis420 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 19:03

#57 wins

hsshae 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:13

better buy a energy drink

Mirorbo 26

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:22

Fuhohoho.... You were up until 2 in the morning waiting just to chat? Darling, I would have given her just 15 minutes before going off to bed!~

Trumane 4

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:42

heh thats what he tells us :P we all know what he thought was gonna happen :) but i do feel sorry for you OP. thats not cool

mak3_1t_ra1n 0

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Friday 30 July 2010 22:06

8-way to make an effort!

francesss 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:27

awh. ): that's not considerate of her. she couldve let you know she was tired.

schwancy 2

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:34

awwww. False hopes. :(

teriberri 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:39

Awwww that was cute on your part....

Sarah__Louise 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:43

aww your sweet op

Bees_fml 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 18:30

His sweet op?

Uranus_fml 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 9:51

Yeah, Why didn't you try and call her.

linx468 8

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Thursday 29 July 2010 11:30

I see you have emoji.Emoji FTW 

Bees_fml 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 15:06

Maybe he didn't call because she only has a landline and the OP didn't want to wake her housemates/family at that hour.