Intimacy: Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy,... - FML

By aero00 - 27/07/2010 17:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 482

You deserved it 13 481

Good kid

This Charming Man

Still better off without him

By Thanksmom - 18/03/2016 06:23 - United States - Riverside

Today, my mom yelled at me for going through her closet for some warmer clothes. She had a rant about taking her clothes without her permission, all while wearing a pair of my boots and one of my sweaters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 045

You deserved it 1 443

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 07:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 010

You deserved it 3 791

By sleepy - 01/07/2019 02:10

Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 157

Times have changed

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 22:58

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 350

By 1.30am - 10/02/2012 09:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by text at 1:30 am because he didn't want to give me "the dread of answering a phone call." When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, "For what?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 610

You deserved it 2 667

By RhiannonMuh - 09/09/2016 20:01 - Germany - Starnberg

Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 359

You deserved it 3 029

By workinggirl - 07/03/2010 17:38 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 305

You deserved it 3 543

By nosymptoms - 10/02/2012 00:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried about a previous partner. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness, but I'd be even more grateful if we hadn't already slept together several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 615

You deserved it 7 241

By Anonymous - 03/01/2015 21:16 - United States - Newark

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 023

You deserved it 2 265

By MJensen - 10/05/2016 21:57 - Denmark - Herlev

Today, I wanted to be nice to my boyfriend and buy him a cake. Not only did I drop it in the bus, when I got home I forgot that I'd put it on my bed, and sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 931

You deserved it 4 223

Suspicious Minds

By Kelly - 29/11/2016 18:57

Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 719

You deserved it 2 394

By Jack W. - 09/12/2015 19:26 - United States

Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 993

You deserved it 2 097

By cinderella - 27/09/2010 14:47 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 341

You deserved it 4 463

By almost jobless - 11/07/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 603

You deserved it 32 735

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 10:48 - Netherlands

Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 604

You deserved it 4 144

By jemma - 04/08/2009 11:27 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was reading me a love poem he wrote for me. It was beautiful, and going really well until he read the last line, which had a girl's name in it. It wasn't my name. My boyfriend said "shit, wrong girl", and dug through his bag for a different poem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 991

You deserved it 4 716

By Anonymous - 03/01/2010 10:36 - South Africa

Today, my mother forwarded me an email my stepdad had sent her because he was annoyed that I left a light on last night. Talk about communication problems. I wonder how I'm going to tell them I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 016

You deserved it 6 712

By tax-man - 02/03/2013 02:35 - United States - Chapin

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 227

You deserved it 9 086

By failedexam - 06/11/2009 06:52 - Canada

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 683

You deserved it 6 134

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 08/06/2021 10:59

Spicy

Today, my husband seems to think sex once a month is adequate, and that it’s acceptable to nap on the sofa once he gets home from work, wake up for dinner, then go straight to bed. I also can’t speak to him while he’s eating, because he’s watching tv. I thought I had a husband, not a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 158

By Jolene - 26/12/2012 14:32 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 468

You deserved it 3 853

By teejayrn - 15/12/2012 11:48 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 489

You deserved it 2 434

Sobering

By Imnotfromhere - 13/06/2021 16:01

Today, I went to a bar to celebrate my 26th birthday. I got ripped off by the bartender all night because she secretly gave me non-alcoholic versions of my drinks. Apparently I look like I'm 16, so she thought my ID was fake. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 162

By frustrated - 29/06/2011 12:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 619

You deserved it 2 735

By NeverGonnaGetAny - 23/02/2009 19:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 510

You deserved it 23 765

By Anonymous - 29/08/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 398

You deserved it 4 339

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 14:43 - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 088

You deserved it 2 781

By BloodyHands - 17/12/2017 15:00

Today, my coworker and I were written up after we dropped a glass table, which shattered and left us with big cuts on our hands and arms. We weren’t written up for breaking the piece, but because a nearby customer heard us both swear in pain and reported us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 371

You deserved it 305

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 522

You deserved it 6 634

Thanks for nothing

By Somebody - 19/08/2020 17:01

Today, my mother-in-law came over. Probably thinking that the needles in our fridge were steroids, and wanting to do the right thing, she took them to throw them away. I'm diabetic, and they were my insulin. I went into shock after she left and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 513

You deserved it 123

Worst threesome ever

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 11:02

Spicy

Today, I finally got pulled into a threesome with the girl I've loved for years and another friend. She led the interaction with, "You only get to touch her" then, "I just wish [her ex] was here" and finished with, "OK, it's weird with you here, you can just go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 219

By WhoopteeDooDoo - 12/10/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, I pulled into the gas station to fill up only to realize I had forgot my wallet. By the time I went home, got it, and came back, the price had gone up eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 229

You deserved it 4 958

By rimenrezon - 06/01/2015 14:10 - United States - Tampa

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 865

You deserved it 2 465

By smidgit - 19/05/2016 17:32

Today, after many days of messing around with wording and pictures, a huge and expensive printed card order came in to the office. I spelt the first word wrong. I can't get a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 869

You deserved it 9 762

By Anonymous - 05/12/2011 00:40 - United States

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 218

You deserved it 49 042

Ghost Shoes

By Fuckedupmom - 23/08/2018 13:00

Today, my 3-year-old daughter has been crying non-stop for an hour because she wants to take off her black shoes. She's not wearing any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 723

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 06:58 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 808

You deserved it 3 122

By stanky - 19/06/2015 14:47 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 245

You deserved it 2 968

By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Racine

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 933

You deserved it 5 153

By Anonymous - 07/07/2009 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I queued up for few hours in torrential rain to see the Harry Potter premiere. After just four hours sleep and waking at 3am, I fell asleep during film and missed the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 790

You deserved it 62 887

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:23

at least you banged him!

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:36

bounce chika bounce bounce!

Comments

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:23

at least you banged him!

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:26

win

djbrooke12345 0

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:35

1- win!

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:48

he took advantage of u while u were out

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:51

#1 read my reply to you on the FML about the tick and you'll see how that applies. Sicko...

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:51

KIDDNYC10 your not ment to say that your own comment is a win. 

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:58

#20 I don't see it? and sorry that you got offended

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 0:24

Safe sex is great sex :D

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 0:48

fooling around with "some guy". you mean you don't know his name?

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 1:02

fuck you

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 1:24

Op at least you weren't concious and didn't have to feel the initial pain or embarassment which he did and Boing!

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 1:31

1 is a win and a half

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 2:03

why would you do that on a trampoline?? isn't it usually outside?

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 2:07

^ Maybe she didn't mean fooling around like that? dirty mind?...

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 2:09

^^^ I highly doubt they were tickling eachother like little school girls -_-

19eightyeight 4

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 3:17

^^^^ that was hilarious, cutie!

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 5:01

43-some people live on private property or have fences. so unless they were jumping really high while naked I doubt anyone would notice, especially if it were dark. But maybe they were, who knows?! lol

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 5:51

so u were left there knocked out with a rather horny person u don't even knw well enough to stop referring to him as "some guy" hmmm....

icantbelieveit1 0

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 8:56

win

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 9:37

were there other people on the trampoline because I don't see why there was a hard enough bounce to knock you out otherwise

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 22:32

lol tht true

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Thursday 29 July 2010 8:53

ha total win #1

LolAtYourFail 12

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Monday 17 January 2011 1:37

did you notice your hymen was gone?

Cuppycake1488 0

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:23

Sowwy :'( that sucks..

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:23

he prolly raped you while u were out...

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:24

hahaha that aucks

killersnake33 0

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:25

lol my guess is he finished

Erh96 0

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:28

Ooooh it sounds like that would be hot. But FYL for that!

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:29

although I also had to see my brother have sex w his gf on my trampoline a few years back

KrystalCaliyah 0

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 1:49

you should pull your shirt up

shepaintsmusic 6

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 3:16

agreed...

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 7:25

you should just burn that shirt...

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 15:17

agreed

Shitz_N_Gigglez 0

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 22:01

Better yet, just keep your pictures off the internet in general.

roflinyourwaffle 0

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 22:46

agreed.

everydayim_fml 0

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Sunday 25 September 2011 17:24

Wow guys thats rude...

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Friday 21 October 2011 7:17

You're rude to point out that they were bein ruse. (And yes, it was rude of me to say this. But I don't give a fuck.)

BillyDisselhorst 3

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Saturday 24 December 2011 20:21

Whats rude is scrolling down the comments and all of a sudden a hippo in a green shirt is staring up at you.

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:30

at least he didn't rape you

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:49

It's going to be a long list if you want to sum up all unrelated 'at least this and that didn't happen'. It doesn't make sense either.

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 2:28

Atleast you didn't get pooped on by a pokémon.

wolfstalker213 14

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Tuesday 19 November 2013 5:59

Or did he? -XFile theme-

jumpinurpants 0

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:33

niceeeee. not

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Wednesday 28 July 2010 0:56

I love your picture, it's so original ;)

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:33

well you obviously remember it

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 17

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 19

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 156

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 241