Intimacy: Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy,... - FML

By aero00 - United States

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

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Commando

Nerves of steel

Sick burn

By catwoman - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

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By Anonymous - Romania

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Alpine

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

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By GamingWolfy5

Today, I got angry at my computer, and instead of bashing my keyboard with my fists, I bashed my face on the keyboard. It REALLY hurt. FML

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By justfriends - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It's okay, though; she says we can still go on the vacation I planned next month for our 3 year anniversary, just "as friends." The tickets are non-refundable. FML

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By Explicit - United States

Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But six"; however, because of my accent it sounded like "Butt sex". For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about "Butt sex". FML

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By testom - Netherlands - Rotterdam

Today, my husband accidentally erased some pictures from our hard drive. No worries, nothing major: just everything from our wedding and the birth of our first child. FML

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By Lola987

Today, on my birthday, I tried to be a good girlfriend by making sure my boyfriend of 3 years alarms were set for work on his phone. Noticed he’s back to talking to his ex as the messenger bubble had her face in it.. He was asking for boob pictures...FML

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By nudesurprise - United States

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

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By stillpoor - United States

Today, I found out I won a 20 000 dollar scholarship. After celebrating with my family by jumping around the room for a half-hour, we realized it was addressed to someone else with the same last name. When we called to tell her, she said it was weird because she had received my rejection letter. FML

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By Spec - United States

Today, my blind friend bragged to a group of people that she knew all of us by smell. We all took turns standing in front of her, and she would tell us who we were. When I got in front of her, she thought I was my dog. FML

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By pootythe5th - United States

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

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By lonely girl - United States

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

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By AnonymousOne

Today, I took my car to dealer because of the loud knocking sound I heard while driving it. Twenty-four hours later, they told me it was fixed. Fifteen minutes after I drove away, the tire flew off my car while I was on the highway. My car is now totaled. FML

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By Marcus Whitfield

Bear of a man

Today, I came to the unsettling realisation that the 2XL jacket that was originally 3 sizes too big for me is now a perfect fit. FML

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By Lily

Today, I did a sprint in gym class. Despite being the skinniest in the class, I ran slower than everyone else, including two morbidly obese people. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I managed to spill piping hot oil all over my kitchen floor, thinking it was too hot to clean right then and there I left it for a few hours to cool. I forgot about it, and slipped over in it bashing my head into my cupboard handle, FML

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By Walker Alldredge - 15/9/2020 00:02 - United States - Ogden

Out of it

Today, I was recently diagnosed with mononucleosis. This means that I'm really tired. I had been planning a trip with my sister and my cousin, but I didn’t wake up this morning at 7 because of the Mono, and they didn’t bother to wake me up. They went without me, to all my favorite places, leaving me at home with nothing to do. FML

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By bookbroke - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out that someone found my lost library card, and instead of returning it, took out multiple items. If they don't return them, I'm on the hook to paying over $100 for them. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2020 08:01 - United States - Brookhaven

Booty pic

Today, I went to CVS to print out some pictures. I accidentally printed out a booty pic, tried to go behind the counter and they yelled at me, "Ma’m you’re not supposed to be behind here." Then the lady held up the picture and said, "Was this one the accident?" FML

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By 4_and_20_blackbits - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

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By me - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's response to my question about where our relationship was going was, "Let me check what my Celtic Runes have to say about it." FML

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By CriminalMistake - United States

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

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By emix - United States

Today, I was dropping my new boyfriend off at his house. I had never been there before, so he was giving me directions as I drove. We passed a small trailer home on the right. I commented without thinking, "I'm so glad I don't live in a house like that." My boyfriend told me to turn right. FML

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By Anonymous

He's a very naughty boy

Today, a Jehovah's Witness followed me around, talking about Jesus. My dad's a pastor. I hear this stuff all day, every day. FML

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By hannahj88 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

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By MarcusJones713 - United States

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

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By pchis4ever - United States

Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML

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By onething - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

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By ruhrohraggy

Today, I got a haircut. I wanted three inches cut off. When the lady finished, she had cut off everything but three inches of my hair. FML

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By Not a programmer yet - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss told me that the company will be hiring a programmer for our department. I had the idea for the position when we went over my 3-year career path last month, but it wasn't approved. I now get to look over résumés from other people applying for my dream job. FML

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By fml - United States

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

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By soliveyerlife - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML

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By Not turnt - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

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By mrmr - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2021 00:01 - Australia

Unreasonable

Today, after finishing work and collecting my bag from my locker, I yawned as my manager came to ask me a question. She yelled at me for yawning. She then told others that I have a chronic yawning problem at work and need medical intervention. I can't even yawn once after a long tiring day on my own time. FML

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By Tanner_6969

Unreasonable

Today, my boss told me I can't use the computer for entertainment. This coming from the same person who spends hours at a time every day on Facebook and other similar websites. I'm also not allowed to sit down while using the computer, which I use about half of the day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I stopped at a yellow light. The guy behind me did not. He had no insurance. FML

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Top comments

By KiddNYC1O | 20

#1149732 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:23

at least you banged him!

By YellowCatch | 0

#1149787 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:36

bounce chika bounce bounce!

COMMENTS

By KiddNYC1O | 20

#1149732 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:23

at least you banged him!

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1149746 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:26

win

Reply

djbrooke12345 | 0

#1149785 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:35

1- win!

Reply

reapfml | 0

#1149815 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:48

he took advantage of u while u were out

Reply

bonicr | 0

#1149825 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:51

#1 read my reply to you on the FML about the tick and you'll see how that applies.

Sicko...

Reply

CRAZYBISCUIT | 7

#1149828 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:51

KIDDNYC10 your not ment to say that your own comment is a win. 

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1149847 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:58

#20 I don't see it? and sorry that you got offended

Reply

twinny_sc | 13

#1149917 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 0:24

Safe sex is great sex :D

Reply

fisheatsbear | 6

#1149964 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 0:48

fooling around with "some guy". you mean you don't know his name?

Reply

tman118 | 0

#1150001 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 1:02

fuck you

Reply

SeanFredrick | 3

#1150030 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 1:24

Op at least you weren't concious and didn't have to feel the initial pain or embarassment which he did and Boing!

Reply

youngrob | 0

#1150054 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 1:31

1 is a win and a half

Reply

Shookitup | 0

#1150199 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 2:03

why would you do that on a trampoline?? isn't it usually outside?

Reply

SeanFredrick | 3

#1150239 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 2:07

^ Maybe she didn't mean fooling around like that? dirty mind?...

Reply

Shookitup | 0

#1150249 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 2:09

^^^ I highly doubt they were tickling eachother like little school girls -_-

Reply

19eightyeight | 4

#1150580 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 3:17

^^^^ that was hilarious, cutie!

Reply

oarisimo | 4

#1151054 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 5:01

43-some people live on private property or have fences. so unless they were jumping really high while naked I doubt anyone would notice, especially if it were dark. But maybe they were, who knows?! lol

Reply

VegasSkiess | 0

#1151222 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 5:51

so u were left there knocked out with a rather horny person u don't even knw well enough to stop referring to him as "some guy" hmmm....

Reply

icantbelieveit1 | 0

#1151776 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 8:56

win

Reply

azhein | 0

#1151875 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 9:37

were there other people on the trampoline because I don't see why there was a hard enough bounce to knock you out otherwise

Reply

tifa608 | 4

#1154168 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 22:32

lol tht true

Reply

sk8trzero53 | 0

#1155828 - Thursday 29 July 2010 8:53

ha total win #1

Reply

LolAtYourFail | 12

#1974978 - Monday 17 January 2011 1:37

did you notice your hymen was gone?

By Cuppycake1488 | 0

#1149734 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:23

Sowwy :'( that sucks..

By Cbizzlez | 10

#1149737 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:23

he prolly raped you while u were out...

By bigwood22 | 0

#1149739 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:24

hahaha that aucks

By killersnake33 | 0

#1149742 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:25

lol my guess is he finished

By Erh96 | 0

#1149751 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:28

Ooooh it sounds like that would be hot. But FYL for that!

By melmosuzanne | 0

#1149760 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:29

although I also had to see my brother have sex w his gf on my trampoline a few years back

Reply

KrystalCaliyah | 0

#1150095 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 1:49

you should pull your shirt up

Reply

shepaintsmusic | 6

#1150574 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 3:16

agreed...

Reply

lollipopblue | 0

#1151518 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 7:25

you should just burn that shirt...

Reply

marieduh | 0

#1152556 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 15:17

agreed

Reply

Shitz_N_Gigglez | 0

#1153634 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 22:01

Better yet, just keep your pictures off the internet in general.

Reply

roflinyourwaffle | 0

#1154182 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 22:46

agreed.

Reply

everydayim_fml | 0

#3344518 - Sunday 25 September 2011 17:24

Wow guys thats rude...

Reply

YourMomxD | 8

#3464995 - Friday 21 October 2011 7:17

You're rude to point out that they were bein ruse. (And yes, it was rude of me to say this. But I don't give a fuck.)

Reply

BillyDisselhorst | 3

#3782641 - Saturday 24 December 2011 20:21

Whats rude is scrolling down the comments and all of a sudden a hippo in a green shirt is staring up at you.

By supertaylor | 0

#1149764 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:30

at least he didn't rape you

Reply

justsayfuck | 5

#1149821 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:49

It's going to be a long list if you want to sum up all unrelated 'at least this and that didn't happen'. It doesn't make sense either.

Reply

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1150344 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 2:28

Atleast you didn't get pooped on by a pokémon.

Reply

wolfstalker213 | 14

#5759973 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 5:59

Or did he? -XFile theme-

By jumpinurpants | 0

#1149773 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:33

niceeeee. not

Reply

xtfauthorx | 0

#1149985 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 0:56

I love your picture, it's so original ;)

By loserboii | 11

#1149776 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:33

well you obviously remember it