Miscellaneous: Today, while leaving a football game, I saw a half-empty bottle... - FML

17/10/2011 22:54 - United States

Today, while leaving a football game, I saw a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew on the ground. It was night-time and there weren't many people around, so for a laugh, I picked it up and tossed it behind me as hard as I could. It hit someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 314

You deserved it 53 842

And today, on Dr Phil…

Stop talking!

Weird reason to leave, but OK

06/09/2012 12:46 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 583

You deserved it 10 425

19/07/2012 02:15 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 792

You deserved it 3 840

11/12/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend backed out on our date so he could help his best friend get ready for some kind of drag queen competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 224

You deserved it 6 863

Liability

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 11:00

Today, my friend broke ties with me after I came out of the hospital from attempted suicide. She was the one who called the police for me to go in there in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 188

14/04/2019 14:00 - South Africa

Today, on the one-year anniversary of my best friend committing suicide, my boyfriend of 2 years decides to dump me because he wants to focus on his skateboarding career. He doesn't even know how to skateboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 276

You deserved it 191

19/04/2015 15:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 690

You deserved it 7 850

01/08/2012 01:54 - United States - Bellevue

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 906

You deserved it 1 788

01/05/2014 09:59 - United States - New York

Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 224

You deserved it 4 775

01/02/2015 16:17 - United States - Gurnee

Spicy

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 224

You deserved it 4 241

28/04/2013 13:57 - China - Shanghai

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 796

You deserved it 12 505

06/07/2018 19:00

Today, in desperate need of cash to get me by until payday, I decided to pawn one of my nicer possessions, a Coach purse. Today, I learned that counterfeiters are getting a lot better at their profession. Now I have no money AND a fake purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 057

You deserved it 596

04/07/2009 04:04 - Italy

Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 358

You deserved it 3 374

You've got mail

By Silentshdw13 - 14/03/2016 23:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, after moving back in with my parents, I found out they had held on to a chunk of mail still being sent during the time I had been changing my old address. Included was a summons to jury duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 763

You deserved it 1 411

12/03/2017 02:00

Today, I'm on opioids due to severe pelvic pain. Taking them makes me constipated and increases my pain, which leads to taking more painkillers. I can choose to be in agony and the possibility of pooping, or be in slightly less pain and completely bunged up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 838

You deserved it 452

Can it, now!

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 00:01 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I learned that I've married into a family that talks to movie characters as they’re doing stuff in the movie. Good luck hearing the dialogue now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 120

04/09/2012 07:54 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Spicy

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 969

You deserved it 4 684

More cowbell

By Piitaaraq Vaisanen - 24/09/2021 05:00

Today, I was editing sound on a recording of a live music show. The woman who hired me said she wanted less reverb. I told her that this is how the recording was and I can't magically remove acoustic reverb from something recorded in a church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 63

04/01/2014 23:43 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 755

You deserved it 17 589

21/04/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 848

You deserved it 3 468

23/03/2009 15:46 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 430

You deserved it 134 159

14/11/2010 08:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over with a broken engraved bracelet that I paid 50 dollars for. I was so angry but when I stated "I am going to call them and get a new one!" my boyfriend said back to me "No it's okay, I didn't really like it anyways." It was for our 2 year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 004

You deserved it 15 187

17/08/2013 08:24 - United States - Hays

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 973

You deserved it 7 821

Not the one

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 16:00

Today, my ex, who I'm still love with, told me he's engaged. We weren't together for long because he didn't want a committed relationship. Guess it was just me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 200

09/07/2019 12:00

Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 226

11/02/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 402

You deserved it 6 256

18/11/2012 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 151

You deserved it 2 502

Can't stop, won't stop

By Matt8 - 07/12/2012 01:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 335

You deserved it 2 093

28/09/2013 21:01 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 327

You deserved it 2 882

19/09/2010 00:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 271

You deserved it 9 110

12/12/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for me still being at their house at 1:00 am. I'm 24, he's 22 and we really were studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 787

You deserved it 4 908

02/11/2016 17:34

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 480

You deserved it 775

Conspiracies claim another victim

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 11:02

Today, after learning that "phones are tracking you" and that "Google is spying on you" from some shady website, my son destroyed all our phones and computers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 164

10/12/2013 21:32 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I taught a college course with a group of 30 adults. I was educating them on leadership and gave a 25 minute lecture, with examples like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, and how they changed the world. Then I opened the forum to see who inspired them. The response? Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 825

You deserved it 4 809

27/10/2009 16:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party. But when I went in, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 763

You deserved it 7 352

19/04/2018 15:00

Today, my husband thought it was the best idea ever to clean the cat's litter box with the brand new vacuum cleaner instead of tipping it into a bin bag. My house now fills with the smell of warm cat piss every time I hoover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 546

You deserved it 382

28/01/2013 11:52 - United States - York

Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 704

You deserved it 6 778

Are you sure you're OK?

By H…… - 20/11/2020 20:08

Today, my roommate and I were talking about how much better my dog has gotten at not peeing in the house, and how I was doing better at not losing my temper when he did. A few hours after this conversation, the dog pissed all over the floor and I screamed so loudly that now my throat hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 1 679

Porn addiction

By Anonymous - 03/04/2021 12:00 - United States - Boise

Spicy

Today, I was recording a video on Snapchat to send to one of my friends, while unaware that my father had walked in behind me. I was talking about how I can’t watch porn anymore because my phone is broken. He now knows too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 1 187

04/10/2012 05:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 635

You deserved it 2 507

21/06/2013 04:44 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 061

You deserved it 9 021

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:05

You shouldn't dew that again.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:05

Why? How would you get a laugh from it?

Comments

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:05

Why? How would you get a laugh from it?

DrDilllonReese 12

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:08

You'd be surprised at what entertains these cavepeople....

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:09

Silly Pennsylvanians..

DrDilllonReese 12

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:17

I'm Pennsylvanian... I don't find this entertaining... Stereotypes at their finest...

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:40

Oh my gosh this is gonna be hilarious! Oh crap I hit someone in a highly populated area! :o

DrDilllonReese 12

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:45

Haha Pennsylvania is a lot more populated than people give it credit for, it has more Representatives than many states can claim.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:47

Sooooo just say sorry, laugh, and move on. Thats what I do!

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:47

I think its more of an fml for the person who got hit, 'Today, some random guy decided that for a laugh he'd chuck a half empty mountain dew bottle behind him. It hit me. FML' LOL

Notimetobleed 14

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 4:05

Field goal...

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 4:33

what have we learned today?

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 4:39

If he threw it behind himself for a laugh, didn't he expect/want it to hit someone?..

fanceh 10

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 4:53

Wait, so you are leaving a football game, which tends to cause huge cluster fucks of people, then assume because it is night time, nobody is around? The stupidity of peoples amuses me.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 4:57

Pennsylvania is the shit. Texas is dumb

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 5:08

108- not all objects are thrown with the intent to hit people...

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 5:28

Am I the only person that thought this fml was going to end with op drinking piss after reading the first line?

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 5:45

Ahahahhahaha. Wait... I don't get it... :/

zowieandzander77 1

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 6:08

I def thought that was going to be the end too

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 6:32

118- your a Dick.

detroitsucks247 3

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 6:48

lol i saw some guy at the bears game get hit with a bottle. 0.o

detroitsucks247 3

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 6:48

lol i saw some guy at the bears game get hit with a bottle. 0.o

detroitsucks247 3

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 6:48

lol i saw some guy at the bears game get hit with a bottle. 0.o

hinchkongfang 0

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 7:43

148, 49 and 150, did it REALLY need to be said 3 times?

jellitonoctopus 19

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 10:21

126- i thought the same after I read the first line too!

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 11:49

I thought he was gonna drink it haha

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 12:14

He's a retard

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 12:40

immediately.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 14:09

54, if you're some random walking behind OP, how do you know he was throwing it 'for laughs'? Also, quit with the territorial remarks. No place is better than another. You're all from the same country, right.

birdofparadise 16

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 21:39

He totally deserves it for Dew Abuse.

ohxdamnxkay02 12

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 22:28

i love Pennsylvania..

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Wednesday 19 October 2011 3:11

"half-empty"... this person is a pessimist.

DrDilllonReese 12

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Wednesday 19 October 2011 4:51

175- no place is better than any other? Heres a counter example. A private neighborhood compared to a ghetto.

ImFrackinBored 13

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Wednesday 19 October 2011 9:01

OP must be a pretty exciting person...

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Thursday 20 October 2011 22:52

you and i both -_-

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:05

You shouldn't dew that again.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:08

Or he'll be in a mountain of trouble.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:26

Next time look both ways so you don't accidentally stick your can in someone else's face.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:26

IOC he does it again, it'll be code red

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 3:06

I didnt know you could be hit on my an empty can... Eh eh?... No.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 4:18

67-your picture frightens me

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 4:55

illmatic and his puns are back! :D

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 5:53

booooooo!

claiiire_fml 17

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 6:09

ahhh! oh, 135, you scared me.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 6:51

Haven't you heard heard that song by lover boy?A pig and an elephant DNA just won't splice.

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Saturday 22 October 2011 3:00

It's like saying you dropped something. And then saying it fell.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:06

You're kind of a jerk.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 3:16

You're a jerk for calling op a jerk for no reason.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 3:50

Personally, I think anyone who picks up litter just to toss it again is a jerk. Throwing it where it could hit someone is a complete dick move.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:06

Why .. Just why .. lol

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 5:36

The real FML is that OP was actually recycling like a boss, but some idiot stepped in between OP and the bin.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 5:44

Oh my. I forgot a hyphen. :(

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 11:28

Why?!?! Ju-jus*sniffle* ... just... W-w-why.... Ju-js-just... Just... Just why LOL.

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Sunday 23 October 2011 4:35

hahaha this is some funny s***

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:06

Well oops.

xoxogossipgirl9 6

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:06

it's more like f the other person's life

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 3:07

I'd reply to this but it would just be moderated.

every1luvsboners 11

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:07

If I was the person that you hit I would have shoved that bottle up your arse until you told me that you loved it.

MrSassypants 32

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 3:18

Then after he tells you he loves it stick it up so more because, well, he loves it.

thisisafunnyname 12

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 4:44

Today after seeing my favorite football team get fucked in the ass, while leaving the stadium some asshe threw a half full can of mountain dew at me. FML

My_Nightmare 19

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 9:46

Boners, are you the reason for DocBastard's profile picture?! Ba ha

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:07

Football games are normally pretty populated events.

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:08

How lame is your life that THAT is your idea of a good laugh?

RyanTheKoolCat 0

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 2:08

shouldaa drank it yumm (:

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 55

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 143