Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out...

By sexyswollen - Netherlands

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Added flavor

Trans women are women

By ahh - United Kingdom

Today, the last person I invited to my birthday party called and said they couldn't come because another party "came up" and they "hope I understand". It's on December 31st. This happens every year without fail. FML

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By really? - United States - Highland

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

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By Pizzaguy - United States - Dundee

Today, I got a call from my manager saying that I won't need to work this weekend. Too bad I already cancelled a family vacation because he threatened to fire me if I didn't work this weekend. FML

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By only 10 more hours to go - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

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By SarahNB - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

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By Anonymous

Good bye!

Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and instead of talking to him I burped, and he just walked away. FML

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By Lisa - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was training a new volunteer at a clothing donation center. While explaining how to sort donations, I reached into a garbage bag full of clothes and something on my hand caught my eye. It was a bed bug. The bag was full of them and they sought refuge up my arm. FML

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By bugger

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

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By 3.14 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

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By Oja1 - United States

Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML

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By butterflyzag20 - United States

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

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By anonymous - United States - La Pine

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

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By SherryBaby - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex asking if I would go out with him that night. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

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By flop of shame

Today, I was walking into work holding a coffee and a bunch of other things. My employee saw me and held the door. I was almost there when I dropped my coffee, tried to catch it, tripped over the curb and fell flat on my face. I heard the door close while still lying there. FML

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By secret meat - United States - Framingham

Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML

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By Sally - United States

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

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By crabmunch15 - United States - Victorville

Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML

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By jolene11 - United States

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

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By Cam - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Long secret

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is still scared of his ex. It's been 8 months and our relationship is still "secret." Why? Because he's scared that she will find out and tell his family about us. FML

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By hardwarekit - United States - Fairport

Today, a customer bought several drill bits. When I asked him, "Do you want a bag for your bits?" he just stared at me uncomfortably, apparently thinking I was trying to come onto him. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I dropped in on my wife at her part time waitressing job. As I was leaving, I gave her tushie a playful squeeze. I was then tackled by some acne-ridden teenage blockhead trying to impress the hot waitress by beating up the guy groping her. FML

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By Blood on my hands - United States

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

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By Rachel - United States

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

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By leapple - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

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By Jesica Mcgee - 29/10/2020 18:02 - United States - Ferndale

Narcissist

Today, I got a job, a good job with benefits, 401 k, took a lot of work to get this: background check, drug testing, being qualified and I need to pay bills. I can't even be happy because my husband got demoted. It's all about him, and fuck my hard work. FML

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By audied - United States

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

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By Octobre - United States

Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML

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By mikeyamazing - France

Today, feeling festive, I sent everyone on my phone's contact list a holiday message. Almost everyone replied back "who's this?" FML

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By mama’s boy

Chuck E. Cheese awaits

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

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2124

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By Anonymous - United States - El Paso

Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML

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By HLRJ - United States - Concord

Today, after my husband said he forgot our anniversary 2 days ago because he was so focused on planning for today, he forgot what was so important about today. It's my birthday. FML

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By EternalBlossom - United States

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

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By Tony

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

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By cereal stepper

Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML

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7651

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By loganHchrist - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

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51947

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By ditched?? - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving around town in his car. To my surprise he took me out to lunch. As we were leaving, a girl walks up and asks if he had room for one more for a ride, sadly he only has two seats in his car. Guess who had to walk! FML

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Top comments

By what_what | 0

#636861 - Saturday 24 October 2009 22:51

Noord Holland! Represent

By _fake_ | 0

#643972 - Thursday 29 October 2009 5:27

I submitted one similar to this a while ago.
(Got denied, though.)

I'd gone to get my eyes dilated for the first time, and apparently I happen to be one in 200,000 people who experiences vomiting, loss of motor skills, temporary blindless, and extreme light sensitivity, lasting for nearly a week.

But yeah, red skin is much shittier.
FYL.

COMMENTS

By what_what | 0

#636861 - Saturday 24 October 2009 22:51

Noord Holland! Represent

Intoxicunt | 5

#636875 - Saturday 24 October 2009 22:56

*Waves flag*
Yay.

Ajjas013 | 6

#636889 - Saturday 24 October 2009 23:01

But you're special!

A83_fml | 18

#637021 - Sunday 25 October 2009 0:27

dus dat!

Wet_Dream | 0

#637962 - Sunday 25 October 2009 15:59

kut hollanders

rottentomatoes | 7

#1213757 - Monday 9 August 2010 20:40

flikker op BELG D:

*boos*

By oolala110 | 0

#636862 - Saturday 24 October 2009 22:51

FIRST!

By meezer008 | 0

#636867 - Saturday 24 October 2009 22:53

stfu

By ashleynonymous | 0

#636888 - Saturday 24 October 2009 23:01

Sounds like something that would happen to me. it's just that kinda luck. Sorry, your life is effed.

By pwnrzero | 0

#636890 - Saturday 24 October 2009 23:02

lmao, happened to me with proactiv.
now i have little to no options with acne meds, since most of them use the same ingradients as proacitv.
and the ones that dont do not work on me.