Love: Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When...

By snowinggrey - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

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Love

Instadrama

BO Central

Public transport FTW

By You Are My Sunshine - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

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By MikaPika - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, my boss offered me a 3% "raise" with new commission targets. Consequently this "raise" would result in my income being reduced by a third. Apparently, if I can reach my current targets, they're too easy. So, as a reward for being great at my job, I get a reduced salary. FML

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By Pip - United States

Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML

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By DudeManBro69 - United States

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML

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By micahmatt - United States

Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML

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By purplexangel - United States - Lubbock

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes. I am an elevator mechanic. FML

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By CelibateHero - United States - Notre Dame

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

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By creeper - United States

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. When the show was over I got the chance to meet them. When I met the guitarist and told him my name, he recognized me. To my disappointment it was as the facebook creeper. FML

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By Scarlet

Today, after calling my bank to see where my paycheck was, and waiting on hold for my entire lunch break, my boss told me she forgot to submit my deposit. I was relying on that money to pay for lunch today as I used all I had for bills. Looks like I eat tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 05:01

Men and their balls

Today, five years after the birth of our last child, my husband still hasn't gotten the vasectomy he swore he would get. He wouldn't let me get my tubes tied, because it was "the least he could do," but when I ask about it, I'm a nag. FML

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By toryzhere - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for six months with my best friend of five years. After asking him what she had that I didn't, he responded with one word - "Boobies." FML

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By imsadnow - United States

Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break, a little boy walked up to me and told me I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. I'm a guy. FML

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By oh well - United States

Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML

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By Jograd - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fairview

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 23:00

Dream baby dream

Today, I woke up to my father sobbing his eyes out in the kitchen. Apparently, I screamed, "DON'T TELL THEM I'M PREGNANT!" in my sleep last night. FML

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By Thistle - United States

Today, I filled out an application at WalMart after being unable to find a job in three months. I just graduated from law school. With honors. FML

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By NotYourLady - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

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By Anon - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML

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By sad45 - Canada

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

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By 0stvn0 - Canada

Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fpo

Today, I ordered ramen to go. I looked at my order and discovered a cockroach. Disgusted, I showed it to them, and they apologized by "replacing" it for free. Later on, while I was enjoying the delicious food, I once again discovered a cockroach buried under all the noodles. FML

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By coffeewench

Today, while I was reading in a park, a drunk bum started talking to me. After a few minutes of awkward conversation, he said, "You're really pretty, and you have nice eyes, but you have chubby cheeks. What's up with that? Did you eat a lot of peanuts when you were a kid or something?" FML

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By - France

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

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By Flyboy - United States

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

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By cmendez - United States

Today, my mother who is 75 years old just told me and my sister that we are adopted. I'm 45 years old and my sister is 49. FML

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By BW - United States

Today, I woke up on the coldest morning of the year to discover that the gas fireplace has run out of propane, and there is no water because the pipes are frozen. While trying to locate the frozen pipe, I forgot to let the dog out, and she peed on the carpet. FML

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By idk ask freud - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

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By whymomwhy - United States - Salem

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Montpelier

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I shattered my iPhone screen. Pieces of glass are chipping out and can easily slice up any idiot who slides their finger across the screen. Unfortunately, I was that idiot. There's blood in the cracks of my screen. FML

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By nazirah4shizzle - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

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By jensoulstealer - 16/3/2020 20:17

The Omen 4

Today, my year and a half old daughter has discovered the joy of temper tantrums. She is now throwing them constantly. Everywhere. Anytime. FML

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By James - 1/4/2020 17:00

Gordon says you SUCK

Today, my sister was so bored during the lockdown that she let me attempt to cook an omelette without turning the stove on, just so she had something amusing to watch. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Kung?lv

Today, I looked up my childhood bully on Facebook, hoping she'd gone fat and ugly. Turns out she's drop-dead gorgeous and very successful. FML

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By carpetoops - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

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Top comments

By Climaxx | 11

#4054856 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

Aw, he's caring! Sounds like he was kinda polite about it :L

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#4054858 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

How embarrassing, but sounds like someone needs to brush their teeth better.

COMMENTS

By rulingtomax | 0

#4054854 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:14

At least he didn't yell it to the class

MineIsBigger | 5

#4054907 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:25

always take a few peppermints with you just in case brushing your teeth isnt working

yahoowizard | 16

#4055147 - Sunday 19 February 2012 10:50

Or make a huge deal about it.

IAdminIFlow | 0

#4055198 - Sunday 19 February 2012 11:28

u shoulda said, i ate a mint, ur just smelling ur own breath, then walked away, slowly

taekwondogirl987 | 0

#4055612 - Sunday 19 February 2012 14:57

Sorry op!! Did you brush this morning tho? :/

By Climaxx | 11

#4054856 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

Aw, he's caring! Sounds like he was kinda polite about it :L

fugazeeb | 0

#4055320 - Sunday 19 February 2012 12:19

I hate bad hygiene

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#4054858 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

How embarrassing, but sounds like someone needs to brush their teeth better.

angeljewlz | 7

#4055068 - Sunday 19 February 2012 10:08

Don't forget the tongue!!! (;

LaughinStock | 16

#4055179 - Sunday 19 February 2012 11:04

AND flossing :) don't want those pieces of orange hanging in between teeth.

DocAwesome | 1

#4055255 - Sunday 19 February 2012 12:06

AND gargling using Crest (my favorite) the one that is not alcohol free :)

By TheEpicMilkMan | 13

#4054886 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:20

well he could have busted you out about it but instead he was private about it and i mean i would have said thanks and took it cause in all honesty it would be embarrassing but it would keep you from having bad breath :3