Love: Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When... - FML

19/02/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 726

You deserved it 11 792

Own it

This Charming Man

Don't hate the player…

03/02/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 219

You deserved it 11 089

26/10/2017 22:56

Today, as I got on the bus to commute to work, its front right tire exploded. Everyone, including the driver, glared at me while getting off. The next bus arrives in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 895

You deserved it 250

25/08/2013 21:36 - France - Marseille

Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 484

You deserved it 5 253

04/03/2009 23:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 265 111

You deserved it 35 361

World's best babysitter

By KarinaO - 22/06/2021 22:01

Today, I trusted my mother-in-law to watch my 3 year-old son while my husband and I were at work. She fell asleep while watching him and he somehow opened the door, ran outside, fell and scraped his knee. Her response was, "Oh well, what doesn’t kill him makes him stronger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 237

01/12/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I left my friend this big Facebook wall comment about how adorable his son is. Just after posting, I read the other peoples' comments and find out that it's his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 170

You deserved it 39 952

Time is running out

By teachinginhell - 29/09/2021 08:00

Today, I'm a teacher at a primary school, with 20 schools in their network. A week before end of term assessments, they decided to move assessments a week early to allow them to observe data. I have 2 days to teach 2 chapters or my kids will lose 20% of the paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 82

09/12/2012 14:53 - United States - Conroe

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 197

You deserved it 3 735

Alexa, play "Just Make it Stop" by Low

By Spanish Steps - 19/09/2021 07:59 - Spain

Today, I got stoned with the clowns at the birthday party I took my niece to. This is a new low point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 894

14/04/2014 20:12 - United States - Ellicott City

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 535

You deserved it 8 138

Triage

By Anonymous - 22/09/2019 14:01

Today, while at my job as a nurse in the ER, someone came in with a hangnail. They threw a fit that they had to wait because we were managing a heart attack, a man with colon cancer and a kid with appendicitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 90

17/02/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, in a sporting goods store, my mom was over on the other side of the store, when a cute guy came over to talk to me. When she saw this she grabbed a bat, walked over to us and said, "If you ever even look at my daughter again, I will beat you shitless." She was serious. He ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 426

You deserved it 2 676

21/03/2012 17:12 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 164

You deserved it 69 286

28/01/2010 00:09 - France

Spicy

Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it. But does this mean we can have sex?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 457

You deserved it 3 603

Hope there's no dancing involved

By InjuredTriviaNerd - 09/03/2021 09:00 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, I fell on a crack in the pavement and broke my ankle. Next week, I'm supposed to fly interstate to be on a quiz show I've spent two years in the audition process for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 93

08/08/2011 07:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 778

You deserved it 3 994

26/12/2015 23:04 - United States - Warminster

Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 348

You deserved it 10 610

11/05/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 644

You deserved it 588

02/11/2018 17:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I woke up to 6 missed calls. I called back to find a woman asking how I know her boyfriend after seeing our texts. I told her he's been my boyfriend for 4 months, and she told me he's been hers for over a year. He vehemently denied knowing who I am as I spoke, even with obvious proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 015

You deserved it 285

06/12/2012 19:23 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 760

You deserved it 85 487

12/06/2014 05:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 803

You deserved it 10 800

14/07/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 300

You deserved it 10 136

14/10/2013 13:10 - United States - Jefferson

Today, someone in my 8-floor appartment building got an airhorn. They seem to enjoy using it. I can't work out where they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 604

You deserved it 3 110

30/01/2012 01:27 - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 714

You deserved it 10 876

22/12/2012 23:29 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 833

You deserved it 6 132

30/10/2012 13:27

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 191

You deserved it 3 279

What? It's just helpful advice because we know better.

By Moimoi78 - 01/02/2017 05:00 - Australia - Eatons Hill

Today, I introduced the concept of 'mansplaining' to my husband. Ever since, he's been deliberately mansplaining every single thing to me. All. The. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 121

You deserved it 5 068

23/12/2018 02:00

Today my car was broken into. The only thing taken were condoms and lighters I had in the glove box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 195

Oddball

By Fatherless - 24/06/2021 18:00

Today, the guy I’ve been dating told me to lose his number and never see him again all because I told him I grew up without a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 45

03/10/2014 07:00 - United States - Merced

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 2 714

20/11/2012 21:57 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 618

You deserved it 5 360

28/08/2012 02:57 - United States - Wrentham

Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 386

You deserved it 1 992

Red tape

By Matei - 12/03/2015 00:36 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, after 4 years of nicely asking, I wrote an official memo to our logistics department, asking for new chairs for my subordinates. The logistics people came and concluded that there are more broken chairs than good ones, but suggested that perhaps we should all go on a diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 922

You deserved it 3 022

30/04/2009 12:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 790

You deserved it 18 504

Fart wars

By district12 - 18/02/2012 22:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 881

You deserved it 2 890

Sketchy-looking dude

By NinjaTurtle93 - 17/02/2021 21:30

Today, I overheard a lady tell her child in a store that, “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll tell that guy over there to take you away.” She was referring to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 67

28/10/2014 18:04 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 515

You deserved it 4 684

30/11/2011 02:09 - United States

Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 810

You deserved it 5 622

29/10/2009 00:53 - Canada

Spicy

Today, the guy I was seeing put candles all over his room to make things romantic. As we were getting it on, a plastic bag caught fire next to the bed. He had the brilliant idea to wave it around to put it out. Burning pieces of plastic landed on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 233

You deserved it 3 301

08/02/2013 21:20 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 126

You deserved it 3 658

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Top comments

Climaxx 11

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

Aw, he's caring! Sounds like he was kinda polite about it :L

DontClickOnMe 28

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

How embarrassing, but sounds like someone needs to brush their teeth better.

Comments

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:14

At least he didn't yell it to the class

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:25

always take a few peppermints with you just in case brushing your teeth isnt working

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Sunday 19 February 2012 10:50

Or make a huge deal about it.

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Sunday 19 February 2012 11:28

u shoulda said, i ate a mint, ur just smelling ur own breath, then walked away, slowly

taekwondogirl987 0

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Sunday 19 February 2012 14:57

Sorry op!! Did you brush this morning tho? :/

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

Aw, he's caring! Sounds like he was kinda polite about it :L

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Sunday 19 February 2012 12:19

I hate bad hygiene

DontClickOnMe 28

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

How embarrassing, but sounds like someone needs to brush their teeth better.

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Sunday 19 February 2012 10:08

Don't forget the tongue!!! (;

LaughinStock 16

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Sunday 19 February 2012 11:04

AND flossing :) don't want those pieces of orange hanging in between teeth.

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Sunday 19 February 2012 12:06

AND gargling using Crest (my favorite) the one that is not alcohol free :)

TheEpicMilkMan 13

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:20

well he could have busted you out about it but instead he was private about it and i mean i would have said thanks and took it cause in all honesty it would be embarrassing but it would keep you from having bad breath :3

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:22

That stinks!!! (haha)

CheckItOutItsYou 7

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Sunday 19 February 2012 10:22

No

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Sunday 19 February 2012 12:15

made me chuckle!

Linkerdoodles 15

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Sunday 19 February 2012 15:31

I think the worst part about this comment is the "(haha)"… Seriously?

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Sunday 19 February 2012 21:03

So does this comment.

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:22

That stinks!!! (haha)

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:24

If you want someone to like you hygiene is the first step.

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Thursday 23 February 2012 4:13

Your really cute!!!!!!

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:25

Hey, at least he was nice about it :)

Krirn 21

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:25

At least you know he noticed you.

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Sunday 19 February 2012 9:26

I now wallow in shame over my double...

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 279

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 69