Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When...

By snowinggrey - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27697

You deserved it

11772

Favorite

Love

The opposite of a good idea

RIP in peace

Freak out

By TheRawrza - United States

Today, I was at a pool party. Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking my shirt off. A girl in the pool shouted "Hey, you're not the only fat one here, don't feel bad!". I was worried about what my friends would think of my new bellybutton ring, I don't think I'm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63122

You deserved it

8207

Favorite

By child abused - United States - New York

Not helping.

Today, my neighbor's pesky 7-year-old daughter, who is friends with the guy I really like, decided to help me with him. She used her phone to send him a picture of me. I was in the shower, completely naked and surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5935

You deserved it

739

Favorite

By Garchomp - United States - Dodge City

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53623

You deserved it

3582

Favorite

By FunFun in the Sun - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I'm on spring break on a tropical island, visiting family I hadn't seen in years. They invited me out to eat, and won't take no for an answer. All of this would be wonderful, if it weren't for the fact that I've been vomiting to the point of expelling bile and dry heaving for the last two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18177

You deserved it

1295

Favorite

By dotcomboy - United States

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12920

You deserved it

78666

Favorite

By mnote - United States - Sapulpa

Today, I didn't make dinner fast enough so somebody had a yelling and screaming temper tantrum. It would be understandable if the person who threw the tantrum was a child, and not my 57-year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34233

You deserved it

2897

Favorite

By icy - 6/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Prairieville

Not fair!

Today, I finally got a cable box for my TV. When I was connecting the cable, my tv fell and shattered the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2314

You deserved it

307

Favorite

By Guntherdog - United States

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57755

You deserved it

4041

Favorite

By facepalm - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28965

You deserved it

3028

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35885

You deserved it

16666

Favorite

By sad - United States

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69217

You deserved it

4090

Favorite

By wtf1234 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a picnic. After we finished eating he laid down, closed his eyes, and put his head in my lap. At the exact second that I bent down to kiss him, he jumped up to get the Frisbee. We both have bloody noses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32776

You deserved it

4371

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38311

You deserved it

4490

Favorite

By "Auburn_flame"

Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2240

You deserved it

319

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25306

You deserved it

1626

Favorite

By Mike - United States

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15072

You deserved it

54505

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to an audition for a play. The casting director thanked me for my time, but told me they would pass because I had "the emotional range of a turnip." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23393

You deserved it

7122

Favorite

By fucktheearth - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21369

You deserved it

1994

Favorite

By Diana - United States

We hear ya

Today, I found out that falling asleep with a bobby pin in your hair means waking up with one jammed in your ear drum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1467

You deserved it

358

Favorite

By rawr

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38267

You deserved it

3565

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Ballwin

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26521

You deserved it

2034

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19134

You deserved it

1179

Favorite

By still hungry - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28230

You deserved it

4126

Favorite

By prettyinpurple - United States

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7909

You deserved it

56056

Favorite

By Victoria - Australia - Perth

My name is?

Today, while interviewing for a job, I was greeted by the interviewer with a handshake and a greeting of, "Hello Victoria, my name is Bill." I responded with, "Hello. My name is Bill." I think it's safe to assume I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1311

You deserved it

394

Favorite

By Brie - United States

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35032

You deserved it

3178

Favorite

By Kitty - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56933

You deserved it

6780

Favorite

By sigh - United States - Frederick

Today, I was cleaning up litter from the street, when a guy asked who I work for. I said nobody and that I was just doing some community service. Before I could clarify that it was voluntary community service, he called me a "piece of shit delinquent", spat on me, and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44936

You deserved it

3308

Favorite

By BrokeandDesperate - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35380

You deserved it

8231

Favorite

By bubbashrek - United States

Today, I realized my soon to be ex wife is stalking me online. Everytime I block her she creates a new profile. She left me 9 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34542

You deserved it

2969

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32374

You deserved it

5062

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 02:00

Looks aren't everything

Today, I was watching "My 600-lb Life". Most of the people on the show are married or in relationships. I cant even find a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1183

You deserved it

272

Favorite

By Moody - United States

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9355

You deserved it

37934

Favorite

By dumbass stereotypes - 25/3/2020 20:00

The Gordon Ramsey of Racism

Today, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. He accused me of being a liar and trying to catfish him after I told him I like my steak medium-rare. According to him, that can’t possibly be true because black people only eat their steaks well done. No exceptions. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2016

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By oopsydaisy - United States

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34521

You deserved it

11948

Favorite

By InsomniacToBe - United States - Saint George

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26884

You deserved it

3804

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12839

You deserved it

24036

Favorite

By orangechicken - United States - New Hudson

Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24762

You deserved it

5847

Favorite

By squirty_joe - United States

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68157

You deserved it

20450

Favorite

By NeverGonnaGetAny - United States

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67479

You deserved it

23732

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Climaxx | 11

#4054856 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

Aw, he's caring! Sounds like he was kinda polite about it :L

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#4054858 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

How embarrassing, but sounds like someone needs to brush their teeth better.

COMMENTS

By rulingtomax | 0

#4054854 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:14

At least he didn't yell it to the class

MineIsBigger | 5

#4054907 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:25

always take a few peppermints with you just in case brushing your teeth isnt working

yahoowizard | 16

#4055147 - Sunday 19 February 2012 10:50

Or make a huge deal about it.

IAdminIFlow | 0

#4055198 - Sunday 19 February 2012 11:28

u shoulda said, i ate a mint, ur just smelling ur own breath, then walked away, slowly

taekwondogirl987 | 0

#4055612 - Sunday 19 February 2012 14:57

Sorry op!! Did you brush this morning tho? :/

By Climaxx | 11

#4054856 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

Aw, he's caring! Sounds like he was kinda polite about it :L

fugazeeb | 0

#4055320 - Sunday 19 February 2012 12:19

I hate bad hygiene

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#4054858 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:15

How embarrassing, but sounds like someone needs to brush their teeth better.

angeljewlz | 7

#4055068 - Sunday 19 February 2012 10:08

Don't forget the tongue!!! (;

LaughinStock | 16

#4055179 - Sunday 19 February 2012 11:04

AND flossing :) don't want those pieces of orange hanging in between teeth.

DocAwesome | 1

#4055255 - Sunday 19 February 2012 12:06

AND gargling using Crest (my favorite) the one that is not alcohol free :)

By TheEpicMilkMan | 13

#4054886 - Sunday 19 February 2012 9:20

well he could have busted you out about it but instead he was private about it and i mean i would have said thanks and took it cause in all honesty it would be embarrassing but it would keep you from having bad breath :3