Today I snuck into my ex-boyfriend's house at 9 AM to surprise him... No no. That's a terrible start. Bad idea.

#8: That's why restraining orders were invented.

#10 You can't restrain love, baby.

Usually I don't agree with people who jump straight to "leave him/her" in relationship FML's but in this case I must agree... Please, OP, please tell me you aren't still with that douchewaffle?

#15: That's what I tell the police but they still won't unlock my handcuffs. :(

Maybe if you stopped trying to hump them as they restrained you, you wouldn't still be in them, Welshite.

I can't win, it seems. When I was arrested for humping them, I tried to show that I was willing to change for the better. Sadly, it appears that they have little appreciation for modern dance as even my twerking was deemed indecent. I had a foam finger and everything. :'(

#1, she should at least give the three-way a chance. You young people today are so quick to throw things out!

Or she can say "boyfriend"

16, I've never heard douchewaffle before, but it is an appropriate name.

I'm with #8. I'm tired of seeing people say "you mean ex boy/girlfriend" because that would imply that they were already exes.

I hate it because it's stupid and unoriginal. I'm confused as to why that comment is still upvoted even after being posted a thousand goddamn times.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.

ok ok #91, #8, and #100 I get your points now. maybe I should've said. "your New ex-bf "ill think of more original comments to bring to fml next time

#23 haha id probably give it a shot if everyone was in agreement.

But...it'll be fun.

What is a Carrie underwood?

73- look up the video before he cheats by her and you'll understand.

giving advice on what to do after everything has happened and is over with is helpful....not

that reminds me of the little boy in grown ups two

Shows how much care he has in it. What a cold-hearted dick.

Orgy?

#5, you're right. Two is company. Three is a crowd. What's four? A fist fight, maybe?

I think she was referring to ANOTHER kind of celebration...

true I didn't think of it like that

Or a relationship.