Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the...

By gonnafail - 16/11/2013 20:18 - United States - York

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

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Miscellaneous

Inspirational tale

Alternative medicine is bull

Risky business

By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, I shaved half my eyebrow off trying to shave my uni-brow. FML

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By Adoptee - 22/5/2011 23:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML

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By INeedMoney - 28/1/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the hospital. This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see what she wanted. When I asked her what she needed, she mumbled something. As I leaned in closer to hear what she was saying, she threw up all over my face. Apparently, she was nauseous. FML

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By lolographic24 - 13/2/2010 13:44 - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

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By EmbarrassedChild - 30/7/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

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By Again - 25/7/2015 16:55 - United States - Pell City

Today, I received my replacement debit card in the mail after losing my previous one. I've already lost my new one. FML

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By EmbarrassedWife - 10/1/2019 04:00

Today, I texted my husband saying, “No sex tonight, it’s a bloodbath” and realized it was in a group chat with his parents, not directly to him like I'd intended. FML

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By rb - 1/5/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2017 19:00

Today, I returned home from my honeymoon and met my dad for coffee. He told me he's been seeing someone and he's so happy. It's my new mother-in-law. They moved in together during my wedding weekend. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2016 13:52 - Madagascar

Today, nearly six months later, my incompetent, lazy coworker still refuses to believe I didn't screw my way to the promotion both of us were competing for. FML

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By hopeless - 6/7/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

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By ProudASDmom - 30/3/2016 02:39 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, my son's first impression of our new neighborhood was to be yelled at by the first kid he tried to introduce himself to, because my son was on the edge of their lawn. Half-an-hour later, I got a lecture at the corner store, because the clerk thinks vaccinations caused my son's autism. FML

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By blinkme - 28/8/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

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By Sharon - 10/12/2016 13:51 - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, my own dog bit me quite severely when I was in the middle of teaching a dog obedience class. Everyone had a good laugh at me and in the past few hours 4 of them have contacted me to let me know they won't be attending future lessons and that they'd like to get their money back. FML

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By well great. - 17/5/2013 22:28 - United States - Pascagoula

Today, my friend told me she'd lost her notebook filled with crucial notes for our finals. She asked if she could borrow mine and copy my notes. She then lost my notebook too. FML

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By what did i marry - 25/5/2018 12:00 - United States - Memphis

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the Earth is not flat. He didn’t believe me. FML

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By Elizabeth Ann - 21/9/2018 14:00

Today, after months of planning, I finally got my first tattoo: my cat's paw print. I love it so I showed my friends pictures. One said it looks like poop and the other said it looks like I have a disease. FML

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By poisongrl - 6/9/2011 22:53 - Macedonia

Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML

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By Raw95 - 15/3/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

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By Smoothskin - 19/9/2013 21:18 - Australia - Heidelberg

Today, I shaved my face after several months of growth. This would be OK if my 4-year-old daughter would still talk to me. Apparently she doesn't recognise me, and I'm scary. FML

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By dumbass1991 - 12/12/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

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By sunburychick - 13/9/2009 09:27 - Australia

Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2013 17:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

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By kerensa - 15/7/2012 05:51 - Australia - Mornington

Today, a lady threw a coke bottle at my head because she had a non-winning lottery ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, I broke my right leg. I've had one shot of morphine, and even that only relieved the pain a little. It's now totally worn off and I have yet to get pain medication of any kind. My leg has been broken for over nine hours now. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

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By sad - 30/3/2012 22:21 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML

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By music man - 25/2/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML

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By badteacher - 24/10/2010 05:26 - United States

Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML

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By mislabelled mother - 24/3/2018 01:30

Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font I chose uses a fancy capital L that can easily be mistaken for a capital F. It looks like I have "I'm A Good Fuck Charm" tattooed on my wrist. FML

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By robm - 26/7/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 08:00

No one likes a smart-ass

Today, I accidentally stumbled on a method of getting my job done in about a third of the time, so my boss made it mandatory for all employees. Unfortunately, my coworkers now can't slack off pretending jobs take 2-3 hours, and their constant petty revenge bullying is driving me mad. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

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By Tyler - 25/8/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML

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By YYY - 29/5/2019 18:00

Today, I put all my clothes into two piles. One pile had clothes I usually wear, the other clothes I wanted to donate. When I was done, I put the piles into two jumbo trash bags. I came back a bit later and they both were gone. My mom donated both bags. I have no clothes. FML

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By DramaQueen - 19/7/2009 06:45 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2013 04:44 - Chile - Santiago

Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

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Top comments

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5757092 - Sunday 17 November 2013 2:52

He sounds like a walking meme.

By seriouslypony | 9

#5757106 - Sunday 17 November 2013 2:55

I feel you OP, once I got a debate partner whose rebuttal was "Well I'm right because you're a dumbass".
Thankfully we got graded individually.

COMMENTS

By deviking | 10

#5757088 - Sunday 17 November 2013 2:51

I suppose he's been trolling to much

boxbrandon11 | 20

#5757129 - Sunday 17 November 2013 3:01

You mad, bro?

dingleberrysteve | 6

#5757173 - Sunday 17 November 2013 3:34

well was he mad bro?

BrandiLush | 31

#5757229 - Sunday 17 November 2013 4:12

*too

SilentNightz | 9

#5758334 - Monday 18 November 2013 2:43

To be honest, this FML post made me chuckle.

SarcasticShade | 16

#5760026 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 6:27

This needs an illustration.

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5757092 - Sunday 17 November 2013 2:52

He sounds like a walking meme.

\ | 28

#5757210 - Sunday 17 November 2013 4:01

"Haters gonna hate"

HeyHeyFishFillet | 34

#5757252 - Sunday 17 November 2013 4:29

"Potatoes gonna potate"

gc327072 | 29

#5757327 - Sunday 17 November 2013 5:38

"Gators gonna gate"

dingleberrysteve | 6

#5757362 - Sunday 17 November 2013 6:21

creepy cgan

dingleberrysteve | 6

#5757363 - Sunday 17 November 2013 6:22

chan*

cyttex | 13

#5757477 - Sunday 17 November 2013 9:05

What are you trying to spell 54?

masterof1 | 7

#5757997 - Sunday 17 November 2013 20:13

Debators gonna debate

By teamlightskin | 14

#5757093 - Sunday 17 November 2013 2:52

Hopefully your teacher will understand and not let it effect your grade.

griggypop | 4

#5757146 - Sunday 17 November 2013 3:13

I could be wrong as I haven't yet googled it but I think is affect

\ | 28

#5757240 - Sunday 17 November 2013 4:19

In this setting it's "affect." Some advice I recall was that if you don't know whether to use "effect" or "affect," just use "impact." Works just as well :)

Lacist | 19

#5757257 - Sunday 17 November 2013 4:33

I think effect as a result and affect as currently idk that's just me and it works.

Nyx_fml | 23

#5757263 - Sunday 17 November 2013 4:35

Both 'affect' and 'effect' can be used as a noun or a verb. So, Google if you must!

Robbieisadowg | 16

#5757341 - Sunday 17 November 2013 5:53

#36 As the saying goes, "Synonyms are for when you don't know how to spell a word".

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5757693 - Sunday 17 November 2013 15:19

39- no, affect is a verb, and effect is a noun.

Paracosmic | 5

#5757859 - Sunday 17 November 2013 18:56

"Effect" can also be used as a verb. It has a different meaning from that of "affect," however.

Topasofmagic | 17

#5759500 - Monday 18 November 2013 23:48

God damnit, where were you with this info when I had my english exam/essay?! I spent like 10 minutes (of 50 minutes) trying to remember which one to use... :'(