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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Its_Sinon - 12/11/2015 08:38 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I got married. After the ceremony, my sister asked to talk to me. I followed her and she told me that we are no longer related because we don't have the same last name anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 484

You deserved it 1 863

By racello13 - 02/11/2015 15:26 - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I've been robbed. I came home to find my oven door missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 483

You deserved it 1 821

By Alanis - 21/07/2012 01:59 - United States

Today, I confessed to my co-worker that I've secretly loved him for months. He laughed hysterically for about a minute straight before shaking his head and excusing himself from the store. Even the fact that my boss fired him for leaving early isn't cheering me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 483

You deserved it 4 065

By DietWater - 07/08/2015 22:13 - United States - Beaumont

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 483

You deserved it 2 367

By Heyhey - 08/12/2008 08:46 - France

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years-old; he's 97. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 481

You deserved it 4 805

By Jessica S. - 06/09/2012 11:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that the mysterious and creepy weirdo guy that continuously sends me messages on Facebook is my manager at my new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 479

You deserved it 2 031

By WaxOnWaxOff - 06/09/2012 21:50 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 477

You deserved it 9 687

By burnnnnn - 22/02/2010 01:31 - Ecuador

Today, I was walking with a friend after buying two cups of steaming hot coffee. While crossing the busiest street in town I tripped and fell, spilling the coffee all over me. My friend didn't notice I fell right in front of her and tripped over me spilling her coffee on me as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 477

You deserved it 2 817

By AntiBobTheBuilder - 02/03/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my one person on my staff why having kids aged 6 to 9 hammering in screws with the butt end of a screwdriver is neither safe, nor a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 477

You deserved it 3 026

By BowlofCherries - 22/05/2012 02:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 477

You deserved it 5 280

By dammit - 12/09/2015 08:11 - Australia - Redbank

Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 476

You deserved it 4 792

By Doesn't Matter Had Sex - 09/09/2015 02:37 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Spicy

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 475

You deserved it 4 517

Monday morning blues

By desperate905 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 475

You deserved it 28 923

By bucktooth - 26/04/2012 23:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 475

You deserved it 2 672

By alltimelove - 18/11/2010 15:34

Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 474

You deserved it 10 038

Spooked

By yourmom - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 474

You deserved it 9 759

Bad boy

By twinkie2 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone, my dog nabbed it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 472

You deserved it 14 227

By kaileekat517 - 21/11/2010 18:36 - United States

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 472

You deserved it 3 488

By secret dancer - 16/08/2011 16:55 - Sweden

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 470

You deserved it 11 377

By Anonymous - 29/10/2015 20:53 - United States

Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 468

You deserved it 1 655

By whattdafuuukkkk - 05/06/2012 11:56 - United States

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 465

You deserved it 6 600

By emi - 03/04/2016 17:18 - United States - Oklahoma City

Spicy

Today, the guy I've been seeing asked me to have a threesome. With his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 464

You deserved it 2 790

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 09:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 464

You deserved it 4 659

By mcore - 24/07/2015 23:20 - United States - Akron

Today, I was hanging out with my neighbor. He asked me if I wanted to play Twister, and I said no because I thought it would be weird. What was his response? "C'mon. You can leave if it gets sexual". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 464

You deserved it 2 191

mcore tells us more.

mcore 19

Sunday 26 July 2015 0:49

To explain a little bit more, I've known my neighbor for almost 10 years. We were best friends growing up, and are still really good friends today. I'm pretty sure he was joking when he said it, but it was still weird and out of the blue. And for the person who asked, no, I definitely did not play.

Can I make it any more obvious?

By itisobviouseinstein - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - New York

Today, a bible-toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 462

You deserved it 3 858

By hamiltonma - 04/07/2015 17:27 - United States - Boone

Today, I walked outside to see the fireworks. I also got to see my neighbors burning a couch in the parking lot of my apartment complex to celebrate, right next to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 459

You deserved it 1 736

hamiltonma tells us more.

hamiltonma 22

Tuesday 7 July 2015 2:46

OP here. To elaborate, I live in a college town and my apartment complex is right next to campus, as I also go to school. However, I don't think that burning a couch is really normal for anyone to do to celebrate haha. When I went outside, I asked them to move the couch since it was really really really close to my car. Really what they did next is the crazy part. They brought their truck around, hooked it to the back, and pulled it to the middle of the parking lot! Not even joking! It was pretty crazy but in the end, my car didn't get damaged so I'm okay with it. Thanks for all the comments! Really funny! P. S. The burning couch did smell really bad!

Plop

By TimeForACareerChange - 18/07/2012 00:54 - United States

Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 459

You deserved it 2 339

By distracted - 13/07/2015 13:56 - Australia - Pymble

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 459

You deserved it 4 085

By Ves - 03/02/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 458

You deserved it 8 582

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 10:35 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 457

You deserved it 24 767

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The Top

The Top

Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 327

You deserved it 2 429

Today, my daughter wore my favorite Christmas sweater to an ugly sweater party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 883

You deserved it 9 625

Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 489

You deserved it 39 423

Today, my boyfriend proposed with the perfect ring, restaurant, flowers, and champagne. He’s never been this well prepared for anything in his life, so he admitted that my mother planned the whole thing and forced him to propose, even though neither of us want to get married. She even bought the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 172

Today, I was chopping weeds with a weed whacker. I heard something get caught in the blades, and realized it was a frog when the leg hit me in the eye. The rest of the chopped frog ended up on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 254

You deserved it 5 512

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 170