Health: Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment... - FML

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 18:25 - United States

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 408

You deserved it 3 250

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Another great day to be alive

Ah yes, homophobic jokes, so funny

By ???? - 25/01/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 853

You deserved it 6 658

Great boyfriend

By Anonymous - 03/05/2020 23:00

Today, I'm 37 years-old and recently out of a job. As my boyfriend refuses to pay more than half the rent as long as I live here, I have no choice but to move back in with my mom, 8 hours away. My man is quite happy to pay the entire rent as soon as I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 523

By Kilika - 08/06/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 410

You deserved it 3 808

By Oops - 13/09/2016 18:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 927

You deserved it 845

By Prego my ego - 23/07/2009 17:39 - France

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 988

You deserved it 7 839

Not working out too well, huh?

By Coldandcalculated - 13/10/2021 02:00

Today, I learned that my fiancée copied my house key early into our relationship. The reason being is that in case I were to catch her cheating, which I did, she could come in and trash my place when I called off the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 121

By alex - 24/02/2012 21:35 - United States

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 743

You deserved it 34 115

By CallMeJesusFreak - 23/06/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I couldn't prove my son has had chickenpox, so his school gave us the option of getting a potentially dangerous shot he didn't need, pay for an expensive blood test to show that he previously had the virus, or sign a waiver stating I'm a religious nut refusing medical treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 937

You deserved it 7 871

By Mattrd - 05/02/2013 00:42 - United States

Today, my co-worker told me that I need to quit smoking because it was making me look and smell horrible. I've never smoked in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 638

You deserved it 3 915

By shescomfortablynumb - 05/06/2009 07:49 - United States

Today, I had a 3rd date with a great guy. Over dinner, he told me that he wanted to see more of me. When I agreed, he pulled out his schedule book and started to tell me he was dating 5 other women besides me. He then told me what week in the "rotation" would be mine. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 528

You deserved it 4 751

By anonymous - 03/07/2011 04:47 - Canada

Today, it took me 5 hours to paint my deck, only to have it ruined by the neighbor's cat running all over the undry paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 723

You deserved it 3 419

By Lindsey - 24/05/2014 15:22 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 207

You deserved it 20 760

By scaredofbozo - 11/03/2011 16:05

Today, I woke up screaming after a nightmare about clowns, which wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't been surrounded by coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 438

You deserved it 28 265

By Anonymous - 27/11/2012 05:06 - United States - Appleton

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 529

You deserved it 13 372

By FishFlingingMonkey - 22/08/2015 03:55 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 208

You deserved it 8 052

By patrick - 17/03/2010 16:15 - United States

Today, it's Saint Patrick's Day and the nicest day of the year so far. I'm spending it in the bathroom, puking up the sushi I'd eaten last night. The luck of the Irish can't help me on this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 966

You deserved it 5 223

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 05:40 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 144

You deserved it 5 248

By DrunkPeopleSuck - 19/07/2019 16:00

Today, a customer at the bar I work at yelled at me for calling her "Ma'am." I asked what she'd prefer, and she gave me her name. When I called her by her name, she yelled at me for not calling her "Ma'am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 09/11/2009 09:12 - Canada

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 001

You deserved it 3 790

By Anonymous - 20/02/2019 04:00

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 974

You deserved it 169

By Danno - 01/01/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to email a girl to go on a date with. I've never had much luck with dating in real life, so I figured the game would be more kind to me. After a while I went back to check my email, and the fake girl I'd propositioned told me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 839

You deserved it 7 372

By chrono19 - 04/05/2014 10:11 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. It was all the stuff I'd forgotten there when visiting a month ago, along with some other things I'd left behind when I moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 415

You deserved it 5 666

By gimp. - 08/05/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 234

You deserved it 5 249

By Anonymous - 08/09/2014 10:55 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was told by my teacher that she had 'given up' teaching me because someone had told her I have a mental illness, and that I don't understand what she says. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 438

You deserved it 3 838

Tindersticks

By noluckthere - 10/09/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and set all my stuff on fire. Why? Because she found my Tinder account. I haven’t even used it since I met her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 039

You deserved it 70 027

By Anonymous - 21/05/2018 15:00

Today, I found out I have a new allergy: the sun. My face is so swollen that it has started to bleed to relieve the pressure. Today is also day 6 of the 3-month European trip that I spent all year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 306

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 09:03 - Australia

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 013

You deserved it 3 473

By Anonymous - 26/03/2013 00:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 341

You deserved it 7 273

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 04:30

Today, it was the first day after my promotion. Everyone, including myself, was shocked that I was promoted so quickly. I figured it was because of all the hard work and overtime I'd put in. However, my coworkers figure I'm just sleeping with the boss, and constantly glare and snicker behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 04:08 - United States - Bloomdale

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 635

You deserved it 4 385

By xxxdwangelaxxx - 18/04/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 062

You deserved it 34 555

By Spinster - 30/09/2015 05:26 - United States - Brush

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 3 years what he thought about marriage in the future. "Who knows? We might meet other people soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 146

You deserved it 2 406

By udnrizh - 08/10/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 362

You deserved it 5 336

By swervelol - 14/07/2016 19:06

Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 702

You deserved it 1 085

By fuckendog - 25/07/2014 06:05 - Australia - Virginia

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 210

You deserved it 55 627

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 660

You deserved it 7 423

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 23:32 - United States

Today, I checked over my notes from yesterday's midterm review so I could study for the test on Monday. It seems I was so exhausted, I'd done nothing but scribble unintelligibly all over the first page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 089

You deserved it 8 062

Bootstraps

By thanks dad - 07/07/2021 07:01 - United States

Today, my dad paid for plane tickets for my brother’s girlfriend and her two kids so they could go to the family reunion on the other side of the country. He refused to buy my ticket though, because I "should’ve planned better." I lost my job due to Covid and used my savings to pay rent and bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 60

By Xpload - 29/01/2014 18:26 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 391

You deserved it 4 207

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:19

What about yogurt? Juice? Smoothies? Cream of wheat? You lying sack of excrement.

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Monday 10 January 2011 1:36

nooooooooo, rectal surgery -_-

Comments

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:10

I'm guessing braces?

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:18

What are you talking about? I will kill anyone or anything just to eat pudding..... (I would prefer to kill Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears)

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:21

Then don't post your comments as replies to #1 if they aren't relevant.

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Monday 10 January 2011 1:36

nooooooooo, rectal surgery -_-

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Monday 10 January 2011 2:24

braces SUCK! that's exactly what they're like.

sophie2212_fml 0

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Monday 10 January 2011 3:00

omg.. I had braces.. first week is hell! I was eating jelly lol

pussydestroyer29 0

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Monday 10 January 2011 5:44

honeylove... no shit dumbass

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Monday 10 January 2011 8:12

I had to have a jaw widener springs elastics soo much stuff and it really hurts but it's worth it!

UtterCatastrophe 4

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Monday 10 January 2011 13:45

Ya I had to tighten my jaw and wear rubber bands to close the stupid gap. But now I have pretty white straight teeth! And OP at least you'll get/stay skinny! :)

UtterCatastrophe 4

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Monday 10 January 2011 13:49

I didn't mean tighten my jaw. I had to have that stupid thing that twists and hurts cuz it's making a space for the braces. Gah it's been years since I had braces.

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Monday 10 January 2011 17:03

The first day of when I had braces I had to eat mushy food. That was it...

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Tuesday 11 January 2011 2:11

you guys are a bunch a bitches. I work as an ortho assistant and I currently have braces. I hope it hurts! I love hurting my patients! mwahahahahahahah

randomguy1millon_fml 0

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Sunday 8 May 2011 19:21

I have them and the second day they stopped hurting pussy

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Sunday 10 July 2011 20:32

Look at the bright side, you can suck down cup after cup of chocolate pudding until you're full :)

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Tuesday 4 October 2011 18:57

RPE....rapid palette expander...ouch!

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:11

Oh man, that sucks. I'd starve.

mygreenhoodie 0

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Monday 10 January 2011 14:33

at least she's not lactose intolerant

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:11

I give it three weeks, then the pain will be gone =)

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Monday 10 January 2011 13:57

It depends on the person. If op's a pussy, could take longer. And judging by the slim fast, it doesn't look good.

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Monday 10 January 2011 13:57

You've obviously never had braces before. You go back monthly to get them tightened and you're to where you were

rcloca 10

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Friday 13 July 2012 21:49

Not me. I have to get them tightened every 10 weeks.

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:13

Aww, hopefully you'll soon be able to eat again! Until then, drink lots of smoothies, they're delicious ^^

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:17

Stick to the slimfast so you won't be so fat.

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:19

What about yogurt? Juice? Smoothies? Cream of wheat? You lying sack of excrement.

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Monday 10 January 2011 5:25

Mashed potatoes? Jello? Milk? Spaghetti-O's?

DanielleTheOne 3

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Monday 10 January 2011 11:08

exactly, I got mine on less than a month ago, but I wasn't lacking anything even in the first few days. I have a mollar to mollar herbst aswell and if you know what that is then you know it's not a lot of fun, and i got mine 2 days before christmas. I think you should gain some food knowledge before you die of mal-nourishment. Pudding and weight loss milkshakes? For goodness sake :/

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:31

u don't eat slimfast u drink it

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Monday 10 January 2011 7:53

Not the way I use it! lol

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:32

Aww, braces, right? I have them too. I can't eat anything for a week or more after they've been tightened. It sucks. But it never occurred to me to write an FML about it

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Tuesday 11 January 2011 7:49

a week or more? wow, I usually have my appt. around 4 so after I get mine tightened and what not I can go home and eat dinner when it's done with no problem. The only time I ever had pain was the day after and the second day after I got my braces on.

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Saturday 23 July 2011 0:09

wow, mine are just a tiny bit sore when I bite down after getting them tightened. but I can eat just fine.

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:39

There are a LOT more foods you can eat besides Slimfast & pudding after getting braces or having maintenance done on your braces. It's your own damn fault for just sticking to those two particular foods.

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Monday 10 January 2011 0:45

Why don't you have some soup, you weirdo. You have a disturbingly limited knowledge of food.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 10

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 2 175

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 193