Intimacy: Today, the guy I've been seeing asked me to have a threesome.... - FML

By emi - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, the guy I've been seeing asked me to have a threesome. With his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25131

You deserved it

2717

Tweet

Share

Face value

QUIET PLEASE

Projection

By thatsmejl - United States

Today, I had to fire an employee because she constantly calls in, or is late to work. She became very emotional and I felt kind of bad, so I walked her out myself. We then got stuck in the company elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31062

You deserved it

3933

Tweet

Share

By Katrina - 22/9/2020 20:02 - United States - Phoenix

People are dingdongs

Today, a guest came to the front desk and pretended to have a gun under his shirt while demanding passes to the water park. He was shocked when I had security remove him - he thought it was a funny joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1367

You deserved it

83

Tweet

Share

By peachykeen - United States - Savannah

Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I walked home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22901

You deserved it

1903

Tweet

Share

By Pissed - United States - Newton Center

Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29304

You deserved it

2489

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33351

You deserved it

6231

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29115

You deserved it

3561

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 02:12

Falling Down

Today, I woke up in hospital. Apparently, I fell down the stairs, broke 3 ribs, one toe, and hit my head so much that 12 stitches were needed. I also blacked out for an hour before my husband found me covered in blood. Recovery should take about a month and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1716

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By davav74 - United Kingdom - Ely

Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26551

You deserved it

1921

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52923

You deserved it

4402

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend proudly showed me that he's put me in his favourites contact list on his phone with a heart image. Cute, but I saw another contact on the list with a heart image as well: his favourite take out restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2550

You deserved it

705

Tweet

Share

By rejected - United States

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27116

You deserved it

79145

Tweet

Share

By Baustigt - Australia - Perth

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43629

You deserved it

13781

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandmother has been complaining that I spend too much on food, so I started cooking food from scratch. I happily showed her my recipe book and encouraged her to try a few. She then mocked me for wasting time by not buying frozen food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35720

You deserved it

3471

Tweet

Share

By Sadmom - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10873

You deserved it

1391

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Dollard-des-ormeaux

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48452

You deserved it

3312

Tweet

Share

By bobjope

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29127

You deserved it

2724

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36972

You deserved it

3250

Tweet

Share

By soljaboy - United States

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13084

You deserved it

152277

Tweet

Share

By triple l - United States

Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24698

You deserved it

2691

Tweet

Share

By Ali - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my father cut my hair for the first time. Now, I always have to wear a cap when I go outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5425

You deserved it

851

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28254

You deserved it

3807

Tweet

Share

By brokeandsad - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26498

You deserved it

9562

Tweet

Share

By Jeff

Fight Club for Dummies

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1879

You deserved it

241

Tweet

Share

By peepants

Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2104

You deserved it

286

Tweet

Share

By djangle - United States

Today, my marriage counselor told me I have the communication skills of a Lou Gehrig's patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11212

You deserved it

17006

Tweet

Share

By professionalmedicineman - United States - Arlington

Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I forgot the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "medicine man". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13006

You deserved it

2882

Tweet

Share

By NotRussian - United States

Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30888

You deserved it

3425

Tweet

Share

By Too manly - United States - Stockton

Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42416

You deserved it

4514

Tweet

Share

By what even - United States - Athens

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33546

You deserved it

4821

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47774

You deserved it

8034

Tweet

Share

By suckstosuck - United States - Dana Point

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

62808

You deserved it

13505

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Decatur

Today, I drove across two states to see my brother, who's had a history of heart problems. My mother had sent me a long e-mail saying he was on his death bed and wanted to talk to me to "get his affairs in order." When I arrived worriedly, he was fine. My mother guilt-tripped me to come visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25606

You deserved it

3648

Tweet

Share

By Wells Fargo Worker

Well shit.

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4304

You deserved it

218

Tweet

Share

By apparently_disabled - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33014

You deserved it

2903

Tweet

Share

By Nick M

Today, my 18th birthday, I woke up vomiting with a temperature of 104 degrees. After I settled back in bed with some water, my mom said, "This is how you're supposed to feel on your 21st birthday, not your 18th." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7154

You deserved it

723

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Beaumont

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40370

You deserved it

8338

Tweet

Share

By crying over wasted milk - United States - Monterey Park

Today, in a fit of jealousy, my 10 year-old unplugged my freezer and lifted the lid before bed. It’s over 80°F in my garage. Now, my entire supply of breast milk is destroyed. Not only do I not have enough stored to feed my own baby, I was also donating to local hospitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2233

You deserved it

246

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Converse

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46694

You deserved it

4512

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend found a picture of herself on a website filled with pictures of thin people. I was in the picture, also. I was crossed-out with the word, "EWW" written next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34048

You deserved it

4305

Tweet

Share

By Rae - United States

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54164

You deserved it

2790

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6573950 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:54

He doesn't seem to care if his girlfriend finds out about you so I think they are in an open relationship and he just didn't share that with you. Shitty deal

By gatorclay97 | 28

#6573927 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:25

Well? Was it fun?

COMMENTS

By gatorclay97 | 28

#6573927 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:25

Well? Was it fun?

By hoeslikedicks | 21

#6573929 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:28

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

By Moskaaa7 | 26

#6573938 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:33

How about NO.

Reply

Stazza11 | 27

#6574604 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 11:39

You crazy Dutch bastard!

Reply

Its_Sinon | 15

#6574617 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 12:59

How about YES

By PharmacyJoe | 13

#6573939 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:34

I'm wondering how his girlfriend feels about all this. Good luck to both of you.

Reply

Pepsiisbae | 15

#6673996 - Thursday 18 August 2016 23:56

Probably not very good seeing as he was dating them both and tried to do a threesome with them

By abhig | 14

#6573942 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:40

Kick his nuts and ask how was the kicksome ??

Reply

CaptainSmith28 | 19

#6574351 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 0:42

Boooooo

Reply

Badkarma4u | 17

#6576080 - Friday 8 April 2016 1:34

Despite what you see on TV kicking someone in the nuts is dangerous.

Reply

mrbman | 3

#6586390 - Friday 22 April 2016 20:56

Yeah, because assault is a good thing.

By hammonds92 | 21

#6573944 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:41

Trick him say you will then when you meet her sell that A$$ out!!

Reply

cheeeksss | 29

#6574611 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 12:29

If he is asking for a threesome, which will include the girlfriend, I'm fairly certain the girlfriend knows about this. Otherwise, I see no point in the guy asking.

By crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6573950 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:54

He doesn't seem to care if his girlfriend finds out about you so I think they are in an open relationship and he just didn't share that with you. Shitty deal

By 12ig12 | 12

#6573951 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:56

People like that don't even deserve 1 girlfriend

Reply

mrbman | 3

#6586392 - Friday 22 April 2016 20:58

Just because you are sexually repressed, doesn't mean the rest of is are.

Reply

Pepsiisbae | 15

#6673997 - Thursday 18 August 2016 23:58

#48 he has a point guys with 2 girls dont deserve 1 girl

By HitmanKillsYou | 13

#6573963 - Monday 4 April 2016 13:30

what, was it a terrible time?

By worldclassrager | 39

#6573984 - Monday 4 April 2016 14:34

No longer seeing...right?

Why am I asking? It's obvious it over if it's posted online...