Monday morning blues

By desperate905 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks 25 390
You deserved it 28 814

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I go to bed half an hour later.

before bed is much nicer. helps you sleep...


I go to bed half an hour later.

Same, helps me sleep.

I wanna know what you're doing that takes 30 minutes

48- all the right things

Sadly, I do both!

I don't see anything wrong with that really

Forever alone

Well, I don't exactly SCHEDULE it, but if I wake up early it's a nice way to start the day ;) especially if you have ~intimate dreams

Fap fap fap fap fap

I wonder if OP is the 7 year old you got in trouble for whackin it in public.

I go to bed an hour late, barely get any sleep :(

FAP - Forever Alone Party

Now do "Schlick", 185. What do those stand for?

It's all about priorities!

Um, at least you're fulfilling your needs... AND it's a good way to wake yourself up?!?!

When you ejaculate, your body releases hormones that makes you sleepy and tired... Just lettin ya know

Tututut, 25, the gender of OP is nowhere mentionned, so she could be a girl (would also explain the thirty minutes) and I don't know how other girls feel after they'd orgasmed, but it gives me a lot of energy.

the more that I think about it, this is definitely something a girl would do. notice all the guys' confusion

51 - sleepy and slightly loopy. And by 'slightly loopy' I mean 'intellectual musings on apples' (at least in one case).

I don't know about other girls but whenever I orgasm it makes me want to fall asleep

Here I am, another girl going against the apparent norm (according to certain dating blogs) that only the men get sleepy after coming and women want to lie awake and talk. We are such rebels. Also, it's rather unsettling (but VERY Internet) that some of us are completely comfortable with talking about our orgasms with people we'll never meet in real life.

It's exactly because they'll never meet those people that they are comfortable speaking about it

51- Your pic freaks me out. No offense.

I never get tired ;)

It reminds me of that line from American Beauty: "This will be the highlight of my day".

Good ol' wake and shake!

Have you ever done that

before bed is much nicer. helps you sleep...

Listen to him, I'd bet he's experienced on the matter. :) ha.

why cause i'm a nerd? well yes, i have been without a gf for 2 months..... :(

Haha! No not because you're a nerd, because you're a guy. :)

Not only men masturbate.

I can vouch for #3 comment

If the OP is /that horny/, I'm sure it is also done before and after bedtime.

Haha believe me I know that, 23. ;) I was just attempting to explaining why I thought that he was experienced in the matter, not because he thinks he's nerd but because he is a guy. Didn't mean it in a offensive way or anything like that.

I agree before bed is better partly because there's no time limit

I will second thar

nice toilet 130

17 - i wasn't taking any offense. but yes, experience haha

Pentium, you're really cute. Just wanted to tell you. That is all. :-)

I don't see why, u look very attractive to me

I feel insomnia.

It's 11:50pm can't go to sleep... Guess what I'm going to try?

Honestly. It does. I sleep much better now. ;)

-3 do you play WoW?

Ur not a nerd(:

I'm sure you'll find someone enventually! Until then..enjoy masturbating. :)

Handgelina, meet my little brother, he can grow and shrink at will

I don't know, but I think a bunch of people have done that at one point.

I guess it's good for him. (: Get all the practice you need buddy before you make it to the big leagues! Show Palmala Handerson a good time and I'm sure you'll get the confidence you need to ask out a real girl. (;

Getting confidence by wanking? Oh really? I bet if he would do something else with the time he spent wanking, like actually trying to get a girl, he would have one. Just my 50 cents.

It's a joke but take it how you want.

And I'm pretty sure the phrase is "my two cents" I could be wrong.

63-Do u mean Pamela Anderson?

It helps you last longer, so it is good practice.

no he doesnt

126 - read the name Palmela Handerson again, then remind yourself of the subject of this FML

Damn, mynewaccount you sexy, just sayin [;,, text me.... LMFAO

Hey #5 do you have an fb? ^^

71 is obviously a fan of 50 cent.

No, Palmela Handerson!

Ahh desperate I see.

Hey your super cute

I would leave millions of potential babies on your face!

What about you??;)

At least you're prepared. It would be worse to get late to school/work because of that. Nevertheless, isn't it a little awkward to schedule your masturbation?

Exactly... I mean doing it is fine, but schedule for it is weird ....

Is that weird, because um, I've never scheduled that before...

I have a really busy life. I have to schedule mine. :|

I have to schedule mine. I leave for school by 6-6:30 and am there by 7. I stay for 10-12 hours. And usually don't get home until around 10-11. Then homework. I also have Saturday classes and other weekend activities for school. So. I mean. It may seem weird, but some people just lead really busy lives.

I'm sure many people have similarly hectic schedules, friend. Just do it before bed like the rest of us. You don't have to put it in your day planner.

Oh and 156? Perhaps you'd have more 'alone time' if you left out all the unnecessary punctuation. It's basically a telegraph at this point. Stay in school. Jack off in the bathroom when you get bored in class ;)

Didn't mean to add in the extra punctuation, ha. I absentmindedly half the time while type on my iPhone. Anyway I usually pass out after homework. Too tired to masturbate.

Half an hour? Your my hero :)

Before I sleep, I prefer to do this. Like someone said, helps ya sleep. If that's your thing tough to get you up, hey, whatever floats your boat.

As long as it makes you happy...

If he was happy, why would he be posting this on FML?

Get your day started off right!

With frosted mini wheats?

What's the story mornin' glory?

What's the word, hummingbird?

What's the gist, physicist?

No, it's an old song from a movie called Bye Bye Birdie.

Hav e you heard about Hugo and Kim?