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The all-time greatest FMLs

Blinded

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 18:00

Today, I had a lightbulb over my head moment, by which I mean I was changing a blown bulb, which smashed, and I’m now half blind waiting for the surgery to remove the minuscule and yet still excruciating shards of glass from my right eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 115

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 22:58

Today, I found out my husband had a Pornhub account where he photoshops himself to look like a girl. The worst part is that I noticed he wore some of my maternity clothes in the pictures. I guess they were the only ones big enough to fit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 194

Help yourself

By danielle1575 - 24/06/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, my older, pill-addicted brother, came over to visit with me. After he left, I realized all my Vicodin was gone. I got my wisdom teeth removed two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 252

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 16:00 - Ireland

Today, as I was excited to celebrate our second anniversary, I paid for my girlfriend's three hour trip down and dinner, only for her to come over, break up with me, and then leave. Her Instagram story later read, "Don't let anything spoil your mood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 103

Cooking for none

By Mia - 26/01/2019 02:00

Today, I wanted to bake some chocolate chip cookies. As the first load was done, I tasted a cookie and it tasted too salty. Thinking it was because of the pinch of salt, I added more sugar to the batter, only to realize that the sugar I've put into the whole batter was actually salt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 2 456

The Matrix

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 13:59

Today, my husband and my kids seem to think that all of them sitting in the same room, engrossed in electronic devices, is a valid form of child/parent relationship. Whenever I try to interfere by, for example, suggesting a trip out or a game night, I get glared at like I suggested swimming with piranhas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 271

Too Much Information

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 11:02

Spicy

Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 186

Mom of the year

By Neo - 10/02/2022 16:00

Today, I told my mom that I'd vomited blood. She simply said, “Good” and went back to watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 118

Who are you?

By Boyufd - 19/06/2021 00:01

Today, it was my birthday. Also today, same as the past five years, my family forgot my mine and threw a party for my 5-year-old twin sisters who I share a birthday with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 96

Mr Knowitall

By put your money where your milkmakers are - 28/02/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I got pissed after my boyfriend tried mansplaining breastfeeding to me. I’ve nursed two children of my own, stocked and sustained two big freezers full, and still had leftovers to donate to preemies. He tried saying pumping "doesn’t increase supply" and that I just “got lucky” making so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 177

Great timing

By mylo - 03/12/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to spice things up and do 69. My mom walked in on us right as we came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 578

Artists are unpredictable

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 10:01

Today, I sent a tweet to my favourite artist to tell him that I loved his work. He replied that I was being rude and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 146

Revenge

By Natasha - 20/02/2021 21:30

Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 126

Such a Samantha

By heartbroken - 07/05/2023 22:00

Today, I excitedly told my best friends I was pregnant. Their responses were, "Ewww, I hate babies", "So we're not getting brunch anymore? That sucks" and "Do you need an abortion? I know a great clinic." Not one of them congratulated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 324

Helicopter

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 22:01 - United States

Today, my mother scolded me for having a lighter in my room. My reason I had it? The candle that she bought me for my 25th birthday. I don't even live with her anymore, she showed up uninvited, and started going through my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 146

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 16:00 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

Today, I’m pregnant and have been experiencing the most severe depression of all my life. My long-time therapist asked me to think about whether “this is the right time for me to be in therapy,” then dropped me as a client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 147

Or does he?

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 00:30

Today, I read a message from someone on Instagram asking if I wanted to "hook up with a nice guy sometime." It was my uncle – he doesn't recognize his own family before messaging them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 73

Blast from the past

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, I found a USB stick my husband was hiding. I checked and it had hundreds of pictures of girls from porn sites and Instagram. That wasn’t the issue. Hidden in those pictures was a pic of his ex-girlfriend, with whom he has not been with past 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 285

Sexy time

By yuckmouth! - 28/11/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, having been in a bit of a dry spell, my husband woke up feeling frisky. I was feeling it too, but I asked if he could get up and brush his teeth as I’d already brushed mine and wanted to have some fun. Instead, he stormed off, insisting I'd ruined the mood. Sorry but morning breath is gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 641

Reputable

By Heartbroken Dad - 30/12/2023 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out why this reputable personal trainer resigned from our local gym. My wife started an affair with him and he thought it was better to quit so their relationship could be ethical. The worst part of all of this? Our 1.5 year old son is actually his and not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 146

By XavierLing - 23/07/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 796

Noise annoys

By SHUTUPDAD! - 17/10/2020 20:02

Today, my dad found his old harmonica. It’s been five hours and he shows no signs of stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 145

Do you guys even talk to one another?

By Anonymous - 14/08/2023 18:00

Spicy

Today, my wife pretended she was going to suck my knob, but then bit it so hard she drew blood. Apparently, she saw the texts from my “girlfriend”. The texts were actually from our elderly neighbour, who asked me to feed her cat while she visited her daughter. She thought “feed my cat” meant "illicit sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 126

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 302

Clerks 3

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 21:30 - United States - Brunswick

Today, at my store, I had an old man violently accuse me of charging him for an extra pack of 99¢ Mounds candy yesterday. He held up my line for 10 minutes, fighting me about it. I didn't even work yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 98

Healthcare for all, now!

By Anonymous - 25/01/2022 20:01

Today, the gums around my wisdom teeth are so badly swollen that I can't talk. I called a dentist to find out if I could see them for a removal. They told me to contact a surgeon, or go to the hospital emergency room. I have no insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 236

Breaking!

By ThatLove - 12/06/2023 22:00 - Switzerland - Worb

Today, my boyfriend wanted my emotional support after his other girlfriend hit him with a phone charger when she found out he had two girlfriends. Yes folks, the open relationship thing was news for me, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 133

Smoked

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 17:01 - Canada

Today, I washed my clothes in the shared laundry room. All my clothes came out smelling like smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 151

Smooth sailing

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 05:02 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I found out the man I've been wanting to marry for a year and a half wants us to take a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 149

The doggo of our discontent

By doggone shame - 25/01/2023 08:00

Today, my wife is refusing to go on our honeymoon because the resort we chose won’t allow pets. She’s now angry with me for not checking before we booked the place, and is threatening divorce if I go without her. I told her we could just get a dog sitter, but she refuses. Oh well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 303

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The Top

The Top

Today, I got pulled over, not because I was speeding but because apparently, I looked like a kid driving. The officer said I was too short to drive and needed a booster seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 237

You deserved it 1 165

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 224

You deserved it 9 735

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 608

You deserved it 3 169

Today, I was getting my portrait done. The artist told me to smile. He looked at me, then said, "Oh, don't smile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 514

You deserved it 4 477

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methamphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 314

You deserved it 3 432

Today, I'm a medicine student, it's my sixth year, and I have spent the whole day in surgery. No one dared tell me that what I was wearing on my feet was actually supposed to be put over my hair. Which was embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 586

You deserved it 8 030