By Anonymous - 8/1/2021 11:01

Odd one out

Today, I went to the mall with two friends. A modelling scout approached us and asked both of my friends if they were interested in modelling. When the scout finally noticed me, she asked if I was their mom. We're all the same age. FML

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933

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Miscellaneous

Friends

Out of it

Our house, in the middle of our street

It's the thought that counts

By peaaaak - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks

49059

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5026

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By TheSuregeon - United States

Today, I applied for my job, while working at my job. I hope they hire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26046

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5911

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By Ash_U

Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3321

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336

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 02:02

Cuties

Today, I shaved my penis and balls. When my girlfriend saw, she said, "You look like my little brother." He's 6 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

751

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394

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By Ughhhhh - United States - Stockton

Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10747

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3494

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By Teamarie - United States

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52730

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20808

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46567

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15681

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By anxious spaghetti

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend over text. We wore each others' hats, so I gave his back and asked for mine. He “accidentally” burned it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3656

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440

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By bellaboop1990 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60309

You deserved it

6344

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By DevilsTemptation - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1582

You deserved it

115

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By PseudoHappiness - United States

Today, I found out my debit card information has been compromised and that someone in San Jose, CA has completely drained my bank account. Joke's on them though. I was already broke as fuck. FML

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12561

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1340

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32747

You deserved it

4712

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By macattack - United States

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36673

You deserved it

4732

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By crakbbyaparently - United States

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31747

You deserved it

1874

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By kprice6 - United States

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

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34402

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33018

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By John - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30038

You deserved it

50455

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By El Sayer - United States - Saint Paul

Hey, Big Spender!

Today, I put a lock on my account because of several unknown purchases for large amounts. Turns out it was my girlfriend, without asking. Who is now mad at me for blocking her parcels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1707

You deserved it

163

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By Anonyme - France - Aix-en-provence

Today, on a train, I nearly choked while sleeping with my mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balled-up tin foil into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47893

You deserved it

7731

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By mylifereallysuks - United States

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

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9822

You deserved it

61939

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By Anonymous

Today, after a trip to the emergency room for severe stomach pain and almost passing out in the shower, I slipped on the wet bathroom floor and broke my two front teeth. FML

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1853

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105

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10574

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40272

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By number2 - United States

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

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29745

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3280

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

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47545

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5358

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By Bree - United States

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25566

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1712

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By anon - United States

Ouch

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34332

You deserved it

3752

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By hihaay - United States

Today, while on the bus, I found out the seat I'd taken was the preferred spot of a very hostile and extremely overweight freshman. Instead of letting me find different place to sit, she half sat on me, and completely ignored my attempts to dislodge myself all the way to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30046

You deserved it

2946

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By Failed Artist - United States - Des Moines

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21880

You deserved it

1719

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By Matt8 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30167

You deserved it

2075

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By SummersEve - United States

Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7698

You deserved it

33190

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By why lie - 4/6/2020 20:00

Age ain't nothing but a number

Today, my boyfriend renewed his driver's license and showed me the picture. I told him he needed to go back because they'd put the wrong birthdate. Turns out the idiot forgot he’s been lying to me about his age the whole time we’ve been together. He’s not actually 30. He’ll be 43 in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2638

You deserved it

465

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By unemployed - El Salvador - San Salvador

Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42709

You deserved it

3369

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By PeanutlyDisabled - France

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39148

You deserved it

3254

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By Anonyme - France - Lyon

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19662

You deserved it

6724

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By poohanne - United States - Ville Platte

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27857

You deserved it

10211

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By Snow - United States

Today, my mother informed me that I am not allowed to drive in snow. I live in Minnesota. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30249

You deserved it

2939

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By crétin-crédule - France - Isle

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20077

You deserved it

51171

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By avanti - United States

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61551

You deserved it

7901

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By Anonymous - United States - Macon

Today, as I was pulling into work at 15 weeks pregnant, I projectile vomit all over myself and my vehicle. I had an emotional breakdown as I went back home, and called my boss to let him know I would not be in that day. I am now looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3950

You deserved it

493

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By Bilibók Renáta

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1343

You deserved it

790

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By Frostbitten - United States - Freeport

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49103

You deserved it

6078

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7963042 - Friday 8 January 2021 15:55

You could always model for AARP, adult diapers, and that jellyfish stuff that's supposed to help old people from losing their memory.

What's it called again?

By Vesi | 26

#7963090 - Friday 8 January 2021 21:22

This is exactly how human trafficking is used. PLEASE PLEASE I beg of you, make your friends do a LOT of research to make sure the agency is legit! Further, make sure family members all know as well!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7963042 - Friday 8 January 2021 15:55

You could always model for AARP, adult diapers, and that jellyfish stuff that's supposed to help old people from losing their memory.

What's it called again?

By jfigley | 5

#7963064 - Friday 8 January 2021 18:12

Sounds like you either have a very mature look about your complexion or you dont take care of yourself and you look old. Which one is it?

By Vesi | 26

#7963090 - Friday 8 January 2021 21:22

This is exactly how human trafficking is used. PLEASE PLEASE I beg of you, make your friends do a LOT of research to make sure the agency is legit! Further, make sure family members all know as well!

By Jaclyn Hoffman | 5

#7963255 - Saturday 9 January 2021 20:52

Yes, that sucks, but I'd be grateful if I was you because that's how people get trafficked.