By Natasha - 20/2/2021 21:30

Revenge

Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

913

You deserved it

85

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

Incognito browsing

Doomed

By NotJobbing - United Kingdom - London

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31305

You deserved it

3119

Tweet

Share

By pinkrazrgirl247 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13397

You deserved it

52096

Tweet

Share

By CrappyValentine - Netherlands

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11328

You deserved it

37779

Tweet

Share

By hannah

Today, I discovered that every time my period ends, I queef loudly and uncontrollably. I’m literally too embarrassed to see a doctor about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1654

You deserved it

337

Tweet

Share

By justmylife - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years called my house even though I was with him at the time. He needed to talk to my mom. He asked her to break up with me for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33627

You deserved it

3117

Tweet

Share

By sistermonster - France - Salon-de-provence

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25403

You deserved it

37767

Tweet

Share

By Medic - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23516

You deserved it

4312

Tweet

Share

By muddled - United States - Joliet

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23800

You deserved it

5105

Tweet

Share

By Poordaughter5 - Germany

Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11056

You deserved it

763

Tweet

Share

By sigh - United States

Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34997

You deserved it

3093

Tweet

Share

By liz - United States

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44104

You deserved it

15139

Tweet

Share

By rochellamaya - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37158

You deserved it

4252

Tweet

Share

By convict possibly

Today, I got to try on a stunning suit that made me the handsomest man in the world. Upcoming prom? No. Wedding? No. I attended a date... A court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3311

You deserved it

2032

Tweet

Share

By UkuleleTime - United States - Garner

Today, I worked in a shoe store. As I was removing the shoes off an older man I felt a squish, and pulled back my hand to see brown and yellow. The man then looked at me and said, "Looks like I missed a spot." Dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26008

You deserved it

1828

Tweet

Share

By jacks_smirking_revenge - United States

Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23601

You deserved it

52250

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and sister fooling around in the shower together. Supposedly, she was sleepwalking, and he was trying to wake her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48543

You deserved it

3268

Tweet

Share

By queenbee - United States - Media

Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26058

You deserved it

2477

Tweet

Share

By unsuccessful popping - United States - Tappan

Today, a woman bitched me out at the grocery store, saying that since I'm not Indian, I shouldn't be wearing a bindi - a red dot on my forehead - because it's "cultural appropriation". I was too embarrassed to tell her it was actually a pimple I'd been trying to pop on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32189

You deserved it

2828

Tweet

Share

By Bonecrusher - United States - Sonoma

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30342

You deserved it

5305

Tweet

Share

By lonely - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my few relationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and I said, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental, defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well, at least you're honest." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14553

You deserved it

46433

Tweet

Share

By uglyyyyy - United States

Today, I was working my job at Sephora when I overheard two women talking. One of them asked her friend, "Is being pretty a requirement to work here?" Her friend turned to see me, turned back to her friend and said, "I guess not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39853

You deserved it

3243

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44347

You deserved it

2676

Tweet

Share

By Singlelady - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11751

You deserved it

1147

Tweet

Share

By groomfail - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I was madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?". After seeing this, she locked herself in her room and cried for 4 hours exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I had invited my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

104523

You deserved it

11622

Tweet

Share

By FlyAwayPlease - United Kingdom - Mold

Today, the boy that I met online six months ago and expressed my love to sent me a picture of himself and confessed how old he really was: thirteen. I'm eighteen years old and holding a steady job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24137

You deserved it

8229

Tweet

Share

By Alyce - 5/12/2020 23:02 - United States - Lewistown

Best of both worlds

Today, I was finally diagnosed with insomnia. The trouble is, because of my physical disability, I also have diagnosed chronic fatigue. Barely can stay awake during the day, can't sleep at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

903

You deserved it

48

Tweet

Share

By cloud7

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36749

You deserved it

6869

Tweet

Share

By Levi2411 - 6/1/2021 11:01

Work is hell

Today, I had to do the job of 3 to 4 people. Spending the first half in the bakery by myself, I then had to run over to the deli and cook everything for the day while helping lines of customers. Why? Because 8 people are on Covid leave. Instead of shutting down the department, welcome to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

940

You deserved it

1177

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Australia

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35681

You deserved it

8915

Tweet

Share

By itsover - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via facebook. I don't even have a facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39389

You deserved it

3364

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Rosthern

Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37137

You deserved it

4134

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Kitchener

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25191

You deserved it

2385

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Casper

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54468

You deserved it

10261

Tweet

Share

By etsl - France

Today, I've learnt that the girl I love thinks I'm gay. To be honest, I'm having doubts too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59231

You deserved it

15314

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made the discovery that I'm in a true love triangle; both of my girlfriends are dating one another. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16659

You deserved it

69310

Tweet

Share

By CoffeeStained - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27294

You deserved it

10051

Tweet

Share

By Me - France

Today, I was rejected for a job I really wanted, they said I didn't have enough experience. I designed the systems they are implementing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39686

You deserved it

2059

Tweet

Share

By dtmfa - United States

Today, I spent the night with my guy, whom I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29937

You deserved it

4923

Tweet

Share

By keerta_fml

Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4713

You deserved it

396

Tweet

Share

By facepalm - United States - Gainesville

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40253

You deserved it

4357

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By rainbowdonnareed | 15

#7973120 - Sunday 21 February 2021 3:42

Well how was the hospital?
Start a go fund me

By EVR | 8

#7973277 - Sunday 21 February 2021 20:40

Do the tik tok challenge and gorilla glue her hair, see how she feels now!

COMMENTS

By Regis Bent | 8

#7973062 - Saturday 20 February 2021 21:48

Next time she's sleeping, super glue her arms and legs to her so she can't move

By RichardPencil | 29

#7973072 - Saturday 20 February 2021 22:11

Do the same to her and play that Go-Gos song, "Our Lips Are Sealed."

Perfect!

By Mas Stewart | 4

#7973088 - Saturday 20 February 2021 22:50

Damn that's Savage.

By rainbowdonnareed | 15

#7973120 - Sunday 21 February 2021 3:42

Well how was the hospital?
Start a go fund me

By mando | 8

#7973134 - Sunday 21 February 2021 6:37

Time to be quiet then.

By EVR | 8

#7973277 - Sunday 21 February 2021 20:40

Do the tik tok challenge and gorilla glue her hair, see how she feels now!