The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

Simple pleasures

By juggalo2 - 10/10/2021 05:00

Today, at work, I overrode the limit on my forklift, allowing me to carry four pallets instead of two. Then I was able to place them all within a ten-foot radius, giving a massive boost to my efficiency. My excitement faded when I realized that was actually the high point of my day/week/month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 305

Breakfast time!

By shit flavored eggs - 09/03/2021 00:30

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 473

Nice try

By Anonymous - 11/06/2022 22:00

Today, I was texted out of the blue by a girl I treated to dinner last year. Since then, we'd chatted and met in passing a few times, but she'd turned down or cancelled all my other date invitations. Sadly, she wasn't trying to meet up. She wanted $500 to benefit a male friend, who was down on his luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 132

Redesign

By rian - 03/04/2021 21:30

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 90

Not that sort, I swear

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 11:01 - Luxembourg - Mamer

Today, I threw out a bunch of Coca-Cola bottles that had been in my room for who knows how long. My mother noticed them in the recycling and promptly told our neighbours that I have a "coke habit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 182

They're still books, technically

By breakmyfall - 15/11/2020 02:02

Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 133

The jury's out on this one

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 11:03 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I start my second week of jury duty. I was only supposed to do one week of jury duty and then go on a week of a pre-paid vacation. Instead, I’m required to go back to court this week, I’m spending my evenings doing my regular job, and I lost nearly $1,000 that I pre-paid for lodging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 150

Funny story

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 16:00

Today, my therapist started laughing at me whilst I was telling my story. He said, "Sorry, I can't help it" and burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 132

He started it, sorry

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 15:01 - United States

Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 173

It's all too much

By dreams2383 - 11/11/2022 11:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, at 4:30 a.m., I hit a deer on the freeway on my way to work. I've only had this car for 6 months and it's totaled. I had to wait hours for a tow. On his way to pick me up, my husband's radiator blew and his serpentine belt shredded. I also missed a day of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 106

Jealous much?

By Ruthie - 05/07/2023 18:00

Today, I can no longer talk to my best friend thanks to his insecure, overbearing girlfriend of 3 months. We never talk about anything that crosses boundaries, and it's actually him who initiates the conversations. She’s forced him to block my number and social media accounts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 193

The best day of your life

By Bridey Bride - 18/04/2022 21:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, my sister looked prettier in her bridesmaid's dress than I did in my wedding dress. I love her to bits, but she won the genetic lottery out of the two of us, so even on my wedding day I feel inferior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 281

Weird family

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 10:01 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, I found a picture on my phone of me and my best friend that I didn't take. Turns out my dad did, from behind, and it got onto my Google photo backup, which means that he was logged in to my Gmail from his phone when he did it. And my family wonders why I don't trust them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 129

Trad wife double standard goals

By Double standards - 03/08/2022 16:00

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 116

Mix up

By Bd Grndp - 05/05/2022 14:00

Today, as part of my grandad's great struggle to return to the 1960's, he tried to refuse a lifesaving blood transfusion until the nurse could confirm the blood hadn't been donated by anyone who was black, brown, chinese or asian, and so on. My dad is black and I'm half black, so I suspect he doesn't like me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 17/12/2018 13:30

Today, I have a busy week scheduled at work, so I took my file home to smash out some reports. Naturally I did not do any work at home and then I also forgot to take the file back to work the next day. Instead of saving time, I wasted an hour driving home to collect it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 2 168

Sexy time

By yuckmouth! - 28/11/2022 10:00

Today, having been in a bit of a dry spell, my husband woke up feeling frisky. I was feeling it too, but I asked if he could get up and brush his teeth as I’d already brushed mine and wanted to have some fun. Instead, he stormed off, insisting I'd ruined the mood. Sorry but morning breath is gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 632

Yummy

By EwwwwYuck - 03/08/2020 02:02

Today, I set my parrot in the bathroom while I cleaned his cage, thinking he would be safe there. He was in fact safe, but not so the used maxi pad he chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 362

Thanks Jeffree Star

By whysoserious??? - 07/12/2022 12:00

Today, my girlfriend has become completely obsessed with YouTube makeup tutorials. She’s already beautiful and used to take 30 minutes tops to get ready. Now every time we leave the house, it’s some 2-hour paint session where she ends up looking like an unrecognizable fucking psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 160

Cryptic reaction

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 03:01

Today, I found out I’m pregnant with the man I’ve been in love with for almost a year. When I told him, he got down on one knee, cuddled my abdomen and said, "Get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 203

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Erik Monkey - 27/04/2022 07:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend finally showed me the porn she likes to watch. Amputees were involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 266

Screen time

By Anonymous - 08/11/2022 14:00

Today, we had a power surge. I don’t know how, but the living room TV blew up and burned the image into the LCD so that even though the telly is dead, you can still see a freeze frame of the last thing I was watching. It was a porno, and you can see absolutely everything. My dad is going to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 954

Bad moon rising

By Anonymous - 05/04/2023 02:00

Today, my husband walked in on our daughter naked in the bathroom, which was awkward enough for both of them, but it also meant he discovered her nipple piercings and thigh tattoo. She’s only 15 years-old. The shouting hasn’t started yet, but it's coming soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 533

Free vacation

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 14:01

Today, I learned my husband was told to isolate for 10 days but hid it from me and pretended to go to work every day, then snuck back home after I left to take the kids to daycare, and has basically had a chore and child-free holiday, playing Xbox every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 263

Welcome

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 20:01

Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 153

Painful

By rise - 08/05/2021 10:59

Today, I had a massive, pounding headache. I asked my mom for some painkillers and she said, "No. You don’t deserve pain relief. Ever. For anything." What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 98

New man

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 08:01

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me the day before yesterday, got a job at my workplace. He shows up dressed his best clothes, clean-shaven, and with perfume. For the 10 months we dated, I only saw him in baggy tops, sweatpants, a weird beard, and the smell of sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 253

Thanks Disney

By please stop talking about Bruno! - 05/02/2022 16:01

Today, my kids have watched Encanto about 37 times. When they aren’t watching the movie, they ask to hear the soundtrack. When they aren’t listening to it in the house, they ask to hear it in the car. I’m starting to hear these songs in my nightmares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 255

Road rage

By Anonymous - 04/09/2022 14:30

Today, while I was reluctantly driving to work on a Sunday, some guy in a shiny Audi threw a plastic root beer bottle full of urine at my old Toyota. He didn’t even bother to put on the cap on, like a gentleman would. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 117

Double trouble

By HipstrCharizard - 07/11/2020 23:02 - United States - Nobleboro

Today, I found out I might have Covid due to my manager's roommate getting it by being irresponsible. Two days ago, I found out I may have hep A from getting takeout at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 139

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 086

You deserved it 51 344

Today, I was supposed to start my first day of work at my dream job. However, my car had other plans and refused to start. When I called my boss to tell him I was going to be late, he told me not to come in at all and fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 856

You deserved it 1 064

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 916

You deserved it 4 412

Today, I realized that I've only had 3 men show interest in me: A blind man, a drunk, and a guy so desperate, he's been trying for over 5 years of solid "No"s. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 384

Today, the ex who I'm still in love with told me he wishes we could be together, but that first I really need to get over the fact that he already has a wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 771

You deserved it 7 389

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 858

You deserved it 70 198