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The all-time greatest FMLs

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By Infested Girlfriend - 30/04/2020 05:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boyfriend and I are so close that we share everything. This now includes his head lice. Thanks, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 313

Skin care routine

By Ow ow ow - 23/08/2022 02:00

Today, my sister shoved a fire extinguisher up my leg while I was asleep. Guess she was too dumb to realise CO2 extinguishers are minus 60°C, because I now have freezer burn up one thigh into my crotch and yes, even on my balls. The whole area has come up in fluid filled blisters and some of the skin has peeled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 130

Protips from Dad

By Anonymous - 08/01/2023 15:00

Spicy

Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 1 266

New saying just dropped

By Evan - 10/10/2022 15:30 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female friends' numbers. Her rationale is, “When them bitches are going through some shit, a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.” When I refused, she promptly dumped me because she doesn’t "need a potential cheater” in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 225

By yourwifelovesme - 04/06/2019 12:00

Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 394

Mud bogging

By Anonymous - 03/04/2022 14:00

Today, my new boyfriend told me he was having a “swamp day”. Apparently, it’s a day where for some reason, no matter how thoroughly he wipes his ass, he will need to wipe it again every 30 minutes, as shit continually leaks out of him and turns his ass crack “swampy.” I think I threw up a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 165

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 06:04

Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 221

Understandable

By Anonymous - 28/05/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that the dream in which I drunkenly phoned my boss and called him a "fat useless piece of shit" actually did happen. I woke up to 10 missed calls and 5 angry texts stating I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 3 263

Shorty

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 356

Meet the family

By annika - 06/09/2020 08:07 - Canada

Today, I finally took the courage to introduce my ginger boyfriend to my family. It didn't go too well. My dad asked if he could call him "Ron Weasley" and my 13-year-old brother asked if he had a soul. Now I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 236

By Jacoobic - 05/07/2019 20:00

Today, I bought an expensive, heat-resistant double-sided tape to attach my dashcam to the windshield. It didn't last five hours, but has stuck nicely to the floor mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 172

Unwanted

By Anonymous - 28/04/2021 00:30

Today, I found out my mom had been telling everyone how independent I was and just wanted to be left alone. I was homeless when I graduated valedictorian from high school and wondering why no one would let me stay with them, even when it was snowing. Now I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 118

It's alright

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 22:01 - Czech Republic - Prostejov

Today, I dreamt of my mom. She came over to me, and said, "Hey, I'm alright, the doctors were wrong." My mom died 4 months ago due to Covid-19 complications, and waking up shouldn't be so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 85

By Cogibbt - 03/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 145

You made them use coasters, Monica

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 229

Money changes everything

By Anonymous - 01/10/2022 22:00 - Australia - Crows Nest

Today, after my brother took his own life in 2020, my mother launched legal challenges to get 100% of the estate, as he'd left it to my sons as he had no kids. She was successful as the insurance company believed her lies with no proof. It took two years in court to overturn this. This ordeal has crippled me mentally and emotionally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 129

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, my wife got turned on by the muscular girl from the movie Encanto and asked me if I'd be willing to dress as her the next time we have sex. I love my wife and I enjoy sex as much as anyone, but she must have lost her mind if she thinks I'll wear a skirt so she can pretend I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 616

Is that even legal?

By jam - 27/07/2020 08:01

Today, my boss told me that I'm being terminated. Apparently, being pregnant means I was going to quit soon anyway, so there's no point. Now I have to get job so I don't get deported. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 216

Work work work work

By ghk - 26/09/2021 20:00

Today, I had my first day off in six months. My mother immediately came down to my room and demanded that I clean the entire house. As I was cleaning, she said, "You don’t get to relax. Ever. Lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 121

Superfreak

By Anonymous - 07/03/2023 03:00

Spicy

Today, I caught my brother masturbating into my underwear. Again. Our parents punished him, again, but I can guarantee he’ll carry on doing it anyway. Why can’t I afford my own house yet? I need to move out away from this creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 232

Very mean spirited

By Anonymous - 18/09/2022 23:00

Today, my dad's will included a DNA test he did on me when I was 3, proving I’m not his son. I thought we had a great relationship, but apparently he secretly hated me all these years for mom cheating, and decided to embarrass me in front of our family, half of whom it turns out I’m not related to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 111

Jagged Little Pill

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 22:01

Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 920

Get a load of this guy

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 14:00

Today my dad asked if he could walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I was just too speechless to respond. He asked me on my doorstep, at 2 a.m., which was also our first ever meeting since he abandoned my mom when she was 5 months pregnant with me, and just disappeared for 28 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 95

Relativity

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 17:01

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband of eight years has been cheating on me, so I decided to let the lady's husband know that she was unfaithful as well. His response was that I ruined his day. This has ruined mine and my kids lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 242

Ant life

By LIFT - 23/07/2020 08:01

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating on him and talking to other guys in a Facebook group that’s literally called, "A group where we all pretend to be ants in a colony." When I showed him what it really was, he dumped me for participating in something he said was so stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 590

Compassion

By Anonymous - 10/09/2020 11:02 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out the reason my mom took over 9 months to get me a therapist and much needed help after I told her how I had been depressed and suicidal for over two months. It wasn't because it was hard to find one, but actually because she thought I was making it up to cushion the fact that I got a C in a class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 155

Benjamin Button

By TooYoungForThis - 03/09/2019 20:00

Today, my father was helping me move into college. When we arrived, the students helping people move in mistook me for one of the parents. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 154

Healthy lifestyle influencer

By I’m done - 26/04/2022 10:00

Today, my already disabled mother is on the brink of becoming bedridden due to her weight. I flat out refused to buy fast food or unhealthy food to keep in the fridge. She started screaming through the wall that I was beating her, until the neighbors called the cops. Sadly, this isn’t the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 97

Nice guy

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, my friend fixed me up with a guy from her workplace. I'm painfully shy, so I really appreciated it and was looking forward to meeting him, since she described him as very sweet. Once the date got started, he continuously made fun of my speech impediment, until I finally left in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 122

Splat!

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 14:00

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 220

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The Top

The Top

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 341

You deserved it 3 135

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 384

You deserved it 3 884

Today, I logged on Facebook and saw my friend who'd been engaged, then broke the engagement, then got back together announce their new wedding date: three days before my wedding. She also sent me a message asking if I'd move my date. We've been planning our wedding for two years. She got engaged six months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 538

You deserved it 808

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that miles are the same distance for everything. He thought that human miles were different than mouse miles, because they're smaller. He's 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 975

You deserved it 2 479

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 642

You deserved it 32 474

Today, my soon-to-be-ex husband raised the bar. He sold our former marital home and put the money into a college fund for MY nieces. Now he looks great to my family, he already has a new place to live (thanks to his rich parents), and I’m stuck living with a college friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 219