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The all-time greatest FMLs

One nation, under rod

By LaLa - 20/09/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 215

Ups and downs

By Kirstie Campbell - 08/06/2020 08:08

Today, I finally realized that my bipolar depression gets worse in hot weather. I live in Hawaii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 203

By Not Supportive - 19/05/2019 16:06

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous so I, not thinking, made comments that included the words "killing", "dying" and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 587

Role model

By thanks sis - 03/07/2020 05:02

Today, I went over to visit my sister. She had a bunch of pictures of me on her wall. I thought it was sweet, but a bit odd. Turns out she looks at pictures of me to motivate herself whenever she doesn’t feel like working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 370

Pampered

By really karen?! - 29/09/2021 20:00 - United States

Today, I had to place a call home because a student was late every single day. The mom rudely replied, “Yeah well she doesn’t really like getting up in the mornings. Can’t you just wait and start class like 30 minutes later?” Now I have to have a conference with this spoiled brat and her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 110

Doing my part

By VonGore - 03/09/2021 14:00

Today, my professor stated that every student who had perfect attendance would be exempt from taking the final. Having perfect attendance so far, I was thrilled. Then come to find out I have jury duty the day before the exam; she won't excuse my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 145

Plans

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 02:30

Today, we saw a woman with two out-of-control children. As we walked away, my husband said to me, “Disgusting, I’m glad we’re never having children.” News to me, he'd always said he wanted a kid before we married. An uncomfortable conversation is imminent, damn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 225

Fire…?

By Ashley - 14/10/2019 22:00

Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 171

A bit much

By Anonymous - 27/08/2019 18:00 - United States

Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 1 006

This Is Us

By Anonymous - 04/11/2021 16:59

Today, I located my birth dad and asked him why I was put into care. Turns out my mom died, and since he hadn’t wanted me in the first place, he just gave me away and hoped to never see me again. He didn’t even invite me in, he threw a beer at me and threatened to call the cops unless I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 236

Late late late

By Lady Julia KaNeko - 20/06/2019 10:15 - United States - Meridian

Today, after going to bed at a decent time last night so I could get up early, I overslept. Not only that, I thought today was the day of my job interview, so I rushed to get ready and go. As I parked in the parking lot, I realized today was the day before said interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 478

Booty-full

By Enya - 26/07/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, the guy from college my sister set me up with told me I'm too nice to continue lying to. Turns out he's one of my sister's booty calls and she bribed him to go on a date with me so I'd stop being so miserable and depressing. Apparently he didn't want to take me out, so the bribe was she'd let him do butt stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 167

Biphobia is a thing

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 06:01

Today, I’m bisexual. My straight friends think it’s a phase and I should just "pick one". My LGBTQ friends think I’m straight and should stop "posing". I’m regularly accused of trying to steal people's partners or asked to join marital threesomes. Can’t I just be a regular person? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 453

Open-minded

By plaid_is_cool - 05/05/2020 05:00

Today, my mom called me and asked me to fix her computer, three days after saying she never wanted to see me again for dating a boy. I got lectured to on how I'm ruining my life the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 246

Stinky

By Carolina R-h - 18/06/2019 16:30

Today, my 2-year-old woke up from her nap with a full diaper, then decided to climb down from her bed and got stuck under the railing, leaving a stinky trail of poop everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 259

Psycho

By Anonymous - 27/06/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I came home early to find my (now ex) girlfriend having a screaming argument with my son, because he caught her trying to burn pictures of my late wife. I'm back to being single, but at least I can be proud of my son for standing up to her (he's usually very timid). Can't believe I was dating that psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 133

I'm horny, horny horny horny…

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 11:01

Spicy

Today, my husband chose to masturbate. I'm not getting laid for the forth night in a row, because initiating sex is too hard for him. Just once, I want to not have to initiate or flat out beg for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 293

It's not you it's me

By mei - 02/06/2021 02:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out I’m a firstborn. My last boyfriend broke up with me because my hair blows in my face when the car window is down, and the one before that broke up with me because I only sleep with one pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 222

By hannahpasdebol - 02/05/2017 17:39 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend, a math teacher, wanted to recite multiplication timetables while making love in order to come less quickly. He could only recite up to the number 5 because as it turns out, the timetables actually turn him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 184

Lrn 2 Read

By in love with a nerd - 02/09/2019 15:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend refuses to talk to me because of a misread text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 257

By wowawesome - 18/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 375

Bad women's anatomy

By Anonymous - 07/07/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend noticed dark lines that look like scars on my inner thighs. He confronted me about them, thinking I was cutting myself, and now wants me to see a therapist because he thinks I'm suicidal. They're stretch marks. He won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 132

Genetics

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 17:00

Today, my twin sister gave birth and somehow now weighs less than before she was pregnant. She also has huge boobs now and not a stretch mark in sight. Meanwhile, I’m still carrying an extra 15 pounds, even though I gave birth 5 years ago, and so many stretch marks I look like a fat zebra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 354

By Anonymous - 27/08/2019 12:00

Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 268

Bizarre love triangle

By too close for comfort - 19/02/2023 02:00

Spicy

Today, my guy friend told me he wanted to try being with another guy. I told him I’d help him anyway I could. Who knew his “help” was him wanting me (a woman) to help him get hard since he couldn’t get it up for the guy? Guess not letting him grope me or jerk him off meant I’m unsupportive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 269

By Jenna Berreth - 01/08/2019 16:00

Today, being my usual clumsy self, I slipped on the stairs and landed on my tailbone. Hard. Now, I can't even sit up. I have to drive to school and sit on a very hard plastic chair for four and a half hours tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 157

Call the cops

By Shelby1992 - 29/09/2022 02:30

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. He responded with kidnapping my dog while I was at work. He texted me a picture of him holding a piece of chocolate to his mouth, threatening to feed it to him if I didn’t get back with him. I took him back because I can’t bear my life without my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 367

Harsh

By SkipBeatOtaku - 29/08/2020 23:02

Today, my estranged father died. No one bothered to tell me, and the only reason I found out was because his wife texted my sister. When I asked about the service, I was told I was not welcome in the state he had lived in, because I was no longer family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 361

All-natural, Facebook-sourced, Mother-in-law

By Calimero0 - 24/03/2020 16:00

Today, my mother-in-law thinks she's the only person in the world who can stop the coronavirus crisis. So far, she has brought thyme, honey, lemons, parsley, ridiculously expensive and poisonous silver water and, of course, the cure-all: berry juice. You'd wonder how I have managed to keep my family alive until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 169

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 22:00

Today, after I'd remembered to start writing a list of my PTSD symptoms for my shrink, because I'm extremely forgetful, it finally took me three days to remember to write down forgetfulness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 243

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 426

You deserved it 4 723

Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 799

You deserved it 11 032

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 705

You deserved it 12 154

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 551

You deserved it 5 069

Today, I found out why my biology class TA, who takes the class alongside the other students, was always so eager to collect my work. Turns out, she's been erasing my name on my papers and writing hers in all semester. My failing final grade has already been finalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 495

You deserved it 982

Today, I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. My husband said we should “adapt, not panic” and brought lubricant from the garage. It had a skull warning on it. Apparently I married an engineer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 90