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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 097

You deserved it 362

By Ama_544347571 - 24/05/2017 16:00 - Sierra Leone

Today, a customer came to my shop and asked our shop assistant if we had Smart TVs. She replied, "No we only have LG and Samsung." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 096

You deserved it 427

By so much pain... - 09/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 093

You deserved it 4 821

By bl3ur0z3 - 03/09/2018 22:00

Today, I learned that my new apartment complex does not allow "altercations in community areas". This includes pulling my child out of the pool and reprimanding him for holding his cousin under water. I can't parent outside my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 093

You deserved it 268

Big mistake

By AccidentalToiletSpy - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, in the bathroom at work, I heard two co-workers enter and begin a very private discussion. Not wanting to embarrass either of them, I figured I'd sit quietly until they left. Big mistake. They talked for an hour and a half. I couldn't feel my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 093

You deserved it 1 188

By Anonymous - 06/08/2018 22:00

Today, I learned that the "nasty smell" in my room, which I cannot detect, does not exist. It was just my stepmother trying to make me go insane deep-cleaning my room for her personal amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 093

You deserved it 278

By ouchy - 15/09/2018 13:30 - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, my wife and I got back from our cruise ship holiday. It was intended to be ten nights of relaxation and romance. The first five nights she had her period, and the next five nights I had painful welts on my tip from the mess in my swim shorts. Ten days later, no sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 093

You deserved it 464

By Anonymous - 14/09/2018 14:30 - United States - Edinburg

Today, my girlfriend and I hosted a family game night with her grandparents and her father, who was bringing his "friend" who he'd been dating for a couple of weeks. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 093

You deserved it 227

Bored to death

By J Money - 03/09/2018 04:00 - United States

Today, I'm being paid to watch paint dry. I work for military defense, and the door l just painted is an opening for a secure lab, so has to be monitored nonstop. This cannot happen until the paint dries. The U.S. government is literally paying me to watch paint dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 092

You deserved it 366

By Embarrassed - 05/11/2018 13:30

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 091

You deserved it 465

Not feeling it

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 03:59

Spicy

Today, it's the 11th time in a row my wife has promised sex, then backed out. Some were good valid reasons I’ll admit, but this time we got as far as naked dry-humping when she suddenly decided she was too upset about our cat dying 8 years ago, so instead she played on her phone until she fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 090

You deserved it 332

By Murphy - 26/08/2018 03:30

Today, I bought ingredients for one of my favorite meals and went home to take a nap. When I woke up, my sister had cooked them for everyone else in the house, who ate it all without me. I was told that I shouldn't be angry, but instead proud of my adult sister because, "She cooked!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 089

You deserved it 238

By Dirtisgood - 24/08/2018 00:00

Today, my in-laws told me, in all seriousness, that my kid was going to end up paralyzed because I let him play on grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 089

You deserved it 169

By worldsmosthonestdad - 12/05/2017 14:00

Today, I got a call from my 8-year-old's 3rd grade teacher. Apparently a question went around class asking, "Why do you think you were put on this Earth?", and my son answered, "My dad says it's because I swam the fastest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 088

You deserved it 575

By Rach - 08/08/2018 23:30

Today, I didn't put any makeup on my acne-ridden and newly sun-burnt face. Today was also the first time I've ever run into my crush outside of work, all while trying to parallel park in a car that hasn't been washed in 6 months. I hit the car behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 087

You deserved it 794

By beta - 08/01/2019 12:00

Today, my date unexpectedly brought her friend to dinner with us. They seemed bored of me after ten minutes and left me out of their conversation for the rest of the night. Oh, and they made me pay for both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 086

You deserved it 870

By H.B - 14/10/2018 17:30 - Germany

Today, my boss gave our coffee machine to her sister-in-law. I work in a cafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 084

You deserved it 152

Unsuitable suitor

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 18:30

Today, during a family reunion, my daughter accused me of being a racist because I won't let her date a black guy. I do not have a racist bone in my body, but this dude is an actual gang member, and he has killed people before. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 082

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 26/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, my self-described "genius" cousin came to the conclusion that cooking the turkey in the oven for 8 hours would take too long, so he doubled the temperature to have it done in half the time. The fire department had to come to put out the fireball that was once my butterball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 081

You deserved it 255

Handjob

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 081

You deserved it 919

Give Me Novacaine

By implantme - 11/05/2017 14:00

Today, I learnt that my tooth is cracking due to a crown that was put in this past October to prevent the previous crown from doing that. Cheers to an implant at 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 081

You deserved it 260

By I'veRunOuttaPatience - 31/08/2018 03:30

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 080

You deserved it 231

By AR Good - 26/03/2019 11:00 - United States - Hawthorne

Spicy

Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 080

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 30/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I found my brother sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked why, he told me Melanie was dead. Thinking he was talking about his girlfriend, I offered to take him to a grief counselor. It was there that he told us that Melanie is the name of his horse in Red Dead Redemption II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 079

You deserved it 393

Gross out

By lawdwhy - 12/11/2017 22:09

Today, my sense of smell is severely impaired by a bad cold. As a result, I inadvertently ate some highly questionable dairy. I figured this out after my roommate sniffed my yogurt and gagged, just before my bowels had their opportunity to object to my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 079

You deserved it 501

By IHaveTwoOwies - 06/10/2017 13:00

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 408

By Anonymous - 14/08/2018 15:00

Today, my boyfriend's car broke down on the way to the gym, so he called his dad to give us a ride. On the way, his dad talked about how much he hates me and our relationship, as if I wasn’t sitting in the back seat directly behind them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 215

Quickie

By dragonstooth257 - 03/02/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. For the first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 687

By OwieOwie - 29/10/2018 11:00 - United Kingdom - Tewkesbury

Today, my gallstones flared up so badly an ambulance was called. I needed the strongest painkillers they could supply and had even more at the hospital. When my boyfriend came to visit me, instead of comforting words, he told me that "being kicked in the balls is still worse". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 307

By in debt - 01/11/2018 13:30

Today, a tree fell on our 3-month-old family car. Today, I also learned that my husband never insured it. It's probably scrap, and we still have to pay it off for the next 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 075

You deserved it 570

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Today, I'm two months pregnant and can only seem to eat plain food consisting of mostly cheese. Now I’m constipated and haven’t pooped in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 219

Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 352

Today, I'm so bored during quarantine that I'm looking forward to the virtual doctor's appointment I made for next week, about the potential erectile dysfunction I might have. I'm also 22 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 209

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 389

You deserved it 936

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 721

You deserved it 5 659

Today, I set out to clean the house while my wife was at work. Starting with the vacuum cleaner, it suddenly started making a strange noise and emitting a burning smell. Panicking, I unplugged it and noticed one of our toddler's socks had been sucked into it, causing it to overheat. I managed to extract the sock, but now our expensive vacuum cleaner is toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 208