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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Secondyearcollegekid - 03/10/2018 15:30

Today, one of my housemates licked or bit all 12 of the cupcakes I'd bought to give to a friend as a "Thank you" gift. No one will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 033

You deserved it 312

By lel - 06/11/2018 13:30

Today, I got a blue screen of death on my brand new computer. Why? My parents installed an "anti-virus" before I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 032

You deserved it 253

By vegeta - 24/12/2018 20:00

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 032

You deserved it 223

By ShinedownCM - 23/09/2018 05:00

Today, I went to apply for classes at a college my parents signed me up to do dual credit with. Too bad they used my sister's social security number so I don't get credit for my old classes and my new application got thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 031

You deserved it 244

Scammer

By hail science - 10/09/2019 00:01

Today, I found out that my mother, who's been against me seeking treatment for my cancer, has been going to different churches and charities to get donations for her "poor ailing daughter." I've not seen a dime of this money, and my mom just tells me to pray my cancer away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 027

You deserved it 158

Doggy Wants A Bone

By Oh man... - 01/08/2017 00:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, I began my ritual of my afternoon wank. As I was about to finish, I noticed my dog staring at me from across the room. We shared a longboard stare as I came, and I can't look him in the eyes the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 027

You deserved it 5 076

By Foxy Lady - 29/09/2018 12:00

Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn't catch the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 027

You deserved it 367

By going to the dentist - 31/07/2018 16:05 - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, I unconsciously clenched my jaw together when I woke up from a nightmare. A part of my tooth broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 026

You deserved it 205

By bully slayer - 12/12/2018 03:00 - Philippines - Pasay City

Today, in the absence of my god-daughter's parents, I went in their place to see her elementary school's principal. She apparently stood up to a known bully's violence and retaliated, sending said bully to the hospital. Not only she may be facing expulsion, I may get sued by the bully's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 026

You deserved it 233

Awkward...

By Ohnowhy - 09/09/2018 18:30

Today, I moved in with my friend and her husband so we can be roommates during school. Today is also the day they decided to get a divorce. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 264

Harsh

By Anonymous - 16/08/2020 08:01

Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 352

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 03:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my friends barged in at 8am with the entire day planned out. Apparently they thought I was bluffing when I said I didn't want a bachelorette party. I've been working overtime for weeks straight and am so exhausted I can hardly handle the planning of the wedding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 355

Good question

By Anonymous - 02/10/2021 08:01

Today, I love my husband to death and want sex all the time, meanwhile he claims he loves me too but constantly turns down sex and has even managed to negotiate a promise that I won’t ask for sex on special occasions like his birthday. What am I doing wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 023

You deserved it 361

By IGiveUp - 07/10/2018 13:30

Today, at work, I took a call from an angry customer. After listening to his problem and fully explaining how we could fix it, he called me a stupid girl and said I need more training as I obviously know nothing about my job. I'm the company training coordinator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 225

By llostinreality - 30/09/2018 14:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, the blinker on my car was broken so I decided to play it safe and drive a different car to work. I guess it wouldn’t have mattered which car I drove, as the cop nicely told me one of the headlights was out when he pulled me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 409

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted hayride with my crush and friends. I got scared and screamed so he put his arm around me and hugged me. I took this as a good sign and leaned in. Turns out his friend was handing him something and he wasn't putting his arm around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 367

By BloodyNoseMcgee - 11/10/2018 15:30

Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 020

You deserved it 189

Knackered

By Tired - 25/12/2018 12:00

Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing, then he left to his job saying he wouldn't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working full time, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 020

You deserved it 442

Just stop

By Home sick - 04/01/2019 20:00

Today, I was called fat by my boyfriend's old-fashioned mom. I'm not close to fat but I'm not really skinny either so she calls me fat. She also complained that my feet makes noise when I walk and that girls shouldn't make noise when walking. This week has been hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 018

You deserved it 460

Holding pattern

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I just landed in Washington, DC. Unfortunately, I also took off from Washington, DC an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 017

You deserved it 267

Faithful

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, with whom I've been with for four years. I've been in Australia for the last two months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 017

You deserved it 273

Dick move

By Stefania - 21/03/2022 06:00

Today, I’m confined to a wheelchair since being paralyzed from the waist down due to an accident. My husband rubbed salt in the wound by sleeping with another woman, because he "has needs.” He had the cheek to call me “selfish” for being angry at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 016

You deserved it 291

By Karls - 19/09/2018 15:30 - Australia

Today, after having severe acne for 7 years and trying every affordable option available to fix it, decided that I would splurge on a $230 face cleanser. I got home and tried it immediately. The results? I had an allergic reaction to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 016

You deserved it 343

By bonnmo - 11/11/2018 17:30 - United States

Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 014

You deserved it 305

By SSS - 18/11/2018 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I sharted. While I was naked. Standing on a new carpet in my girlfriend's bedroom. In front of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 014

You deserved it 880

You muppet

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, while e-mailing my dream college, I noticed you can see other people's profile pictures when I saw a lady I've met before. I've been using this e-mail account to communicate with all the colleges and universities. My profile picture is baby Elmo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 013

You deserved it 4 400

By 1DisGR8 - 14/11/2018 13:30

Today, while writing a midterm, my period came unexpectedly. Too bad my male professor was the one to notice and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 012

You deserved it 192

Management

By FuckSteakNShake - 06/06/2017 16:00

Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 248

Nebo baby

By Anonymous - 25/10/2018 14:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I was fired from the job I've had for 15 years. My boss recently hired his daughter as a senior manager and she made several cuts because, as she put it, the sales team was "too old and lame". I didn't know being a young bitch was a requirement to work at a furniture warehouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 146

Party for One!

By Sam - 08/12/2017 01:30

Today, at the supermarket, I bought a cake and had my friend's name put on it. It wasn't anyone's birthday, I just wanted to feel less ashamed about buying a whole cake for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 2 162

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 461

You deserved it 4 178

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 415

You deserved it 2 953

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 029

You deserved it 19 544

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 744

You deserved it 5 197

Today, my housemate, who never cleans, cooked tacos, then left her dishes for the rest of the evening. When shown a bowl of murky water in the sink, she denied it was hers, prompting my vegetarian housemate to clean it. Putting her hand in the bowl, she found a lump of raw taco meat. Yum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 176

Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 173