Kids: Today, I was at the mall with my 7-year-old granddaughter. When... - FML

By Damn millennials! - Philippines - Taguig

Today, I was at the mall with my 7-year-old granddaughter. When we entered a clothing store, she pulled me back, saying loudly, "Grandma! This is 'Forever 21'! 'Currently 58' is down that way!" I blame my son for this little troll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3031

You deserved it

326

Tweet

Share

Proactive

There's no helping some people

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Freelman - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12194

You deserved it

44211

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/11/2020 17:01

Healthcare is broken

Today, after driving 3 and a half hours to the nearest major emergency room, waiting 7+ hours to see my grandfather's bowel cancer specialist, we were told to go back to our hotel. Why? The triage nurse never logged my grandfather into the system, so his doctor went home at 9.00 p.m. when he'd finished theatre. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1155

You deserved it

51

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31155

You deserved it

7061

Tweet

Share

By e_edge - United States

Today, after I successfully blew up a really large balloon, my mom said, in front of my older brother's friends, "Wow, you're going to make some man really happy one day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46633

You deserved it

8815

Tweet

Share

By Alohaporno - Canada

Today, my father described my method of hiding porn on the computer as "extremely naive." I don't know what's worse, that he found my porn or that he's better at hiding his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16272

You deserved it

32019

Tweet

Share

By woohoo420 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9623

You deserved it

41313

Tweet

Share

By Courtney - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother has severe road rage after she complained about Pennsylvania drivers for over an hour, then decided to rear end one because he wouldn't get out of her way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30880

You deserved it

2725

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Torrance

Today, I was over at a friend's house feeding her cats while she was on vacation. After feeding the four of them, I found an extra cat under the sofa. Thinking it was an intruding stray, I kicked it out. She actually has 5 cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14806

You deserved it

57157

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47412

You deserved it

2873

Tweet

Share

By poopshooter101 - United States

Volcanic

Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML

I agree, your life sucks

62671

You deserved it

9316

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Carrollton

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47133

You deserved it

6520

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22629

You deserved it

1700

Tweet

Share

By seriously?

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48773

You deserved it

10494

Tweet

Share

By what - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44766

You deserved it

8794

Tweet

Share

By nope!

Meanwhile, in 1953…

Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1744

You deserved it

246

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States

Today, I carpooled with my co-worker whose girlfriend has left him. The radio was playing the song "Jar of Hearts." He then began to sing intensely, and broke down crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32097

You deserved it

3246

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called a wrong number. Calling back the right person, I began a long story about how I'd just called the wrong number. It was the wrong number lady again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13554

You deserved it

38725

Tweet

Share

By boredtothemax - United States - Hammond

Today, I gave a talk in my management class about creating effective presentations and holding people's attention. Go figure, pretty much nobody paid any attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18103

You deserved it

3306

Tweet

Share

By yoked - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33102

You deserved it

4607

Tweet

Share

By lalalasmiles06

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45860

You deserved it

7231

Tweet

Share

By sunny_funny - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7770

You deserved it

1050

Tweet

Share

By piper55

Today, for the first time in a month, I talked to someone in person besides my grandmother and my husband. It was a store clerk calling me "Miss" and asking if I was finding everything okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1474

You deserved it

278

Tweet

Share

By Equi - United States

Today, I went to the company's health clinic to treat muscle spasms and a possible cracked rib. In the process the old quack doc and overly eager nurses wound up giving me a storng laxative and 3 enemas, two of them quite large. Then I still had to return to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2431

You deserved it

303

Tweet

Share

By rani - Norway - Oslo

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44103

You deserved it

5533

Tweet

Share

By day001313 - United States - Albany

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26815

You deserved it

3331

Tweet

Share

By Khagen - 27/1/2021 05:01

Supportive

Today, after two rounds of antibiotics, I got a yeast infection. My husband started calling me "Yeasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

596

You deserved it

87

Tweet

Share

By nocanhaz - United States

Today, I went to a job interview. The person giving me my interview was late, and while waiting for them I fell asleep. When they arrived, they didn't even bother interviewing me because they thought I was irresponsible since I fell asleep because they were late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17579

You deserved it

49667

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my father, who I haven't spoken to in over 12 years, contacted me. He just wanted to let me know that I should get tested for a rare neurological disease. The only thing the man has given to me since my conception is potentially a death certificate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1868

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

By underemployed - United States

Today, I found out my no-work-experience brother has just accepted a 50k/year job. He is still in school and has never had a job. I work as an intern for 11 hours a day, get rude emails from my boss, and have 3 degrees and 5 years work experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34601

You deserved it

4891

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 13:01 - United Kingdom

Shorty

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1387

You deserved it

308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a soldier in my unit had unknowingly lost a GPS in the woods and my section was sent to go find it. After hours of wading through chest high swamps in 32 degree weather, the GPS was found, thanks to the soldier who lost it. It was in his vest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32084

You deserved it

2302

Tweet

Share

By zoearcu - United States

Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30814

You deserved it

3510

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Sewell

Today, my mother-in-law insisted we go to a baby clothing store. When I reminded her that I don’t want children, she sat on the floor, crying, kicking and screaming. She then said I was denying her grandchildren because I hate her. Well, I didn’t... FML

I agree, your life sucks

2520

You deserved it

170

Tweet

Share

By öKANEö - United States - San Marcos

Today, during class, a student began arguing with my Algebra II teacher about whether or not water is wet. The student became so frustrated he threw a stapler across the room. Guess who got hit in the head and is currently bleeding pints in the nurse's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4717

You deserved it

247

Tweet

Share

By TJ - United Kingdom - Redhill

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26118

You deserved it

10349

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling one of my patients I was upset because my sister wants to go to beauty school, and that I don't want her getting a worthless qualification and to aim higher. My patient replied saying she is a hair dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7802

You deserved it

45839

Tweet

Share

By WeightAMinute - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52655

You deserved it

6278

Tweet

Share

By Annoyed

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7896

You deserved it

1670

Tweet

Share

By ilivehere - United States - Moline

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

73426

You deserved it

4383

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23148

You deserved it

50822

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7713866 - Thursday 25 October 2018 18:07

I like her sense of humor.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7708003 - Saturday 13 October 2018 1:41

That kid is going places.

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7708003 - Saturday 13 October 2018 1:41

That kid is going places.

Reply

Leeono | 26

#7708195 - Saturday 13 October 2018 14:15

I foresee an Fml comment of the week in her future!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7713866 - Thursday 25 October 2018 18:07

I like her sense of humor.

By MamaChey | 22

#7713873 - Thursday 25 October 2018 18:18

And THAT’S why 7 is my very favorite age for kids!!!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7713879 - Thursday 25 October 2018 18:31

Point to the parking garage and say “Going Home Empty-Handed” is this way.

The little brat can practice her Don Rickles comedy act at home.

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7713937 - Thursday 25 October 2018 20:15

Don't be too hard on yourself... 58 is still pretty young by grandmother standards!

By Alup132 | 22

#7713990 - Thursday 25 October 2018 22:21

OP, you’re my mom’s age, and my dad is 8 years older, it’s not that bad! I’m only 18, so it’ll be unfortunate when I’m older, however.

By jennrotten | 12

#7714001 - Thursday 25 October 2018 22:45

Hey, it says "Forever" 21. That's right, even when you're 58.

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7714089 - Friday 26 October 2018 4:50

Well, you're the one who raised your son.

By hxnniemxrie | 3

#7715199 - Sunday 28 October 2018 5:30

CURRENTLY 58 WHY