Today, I was at the mall with my 7-year-old granddaughter. When... - FML

By Damn millennials! - Philippines - Taguig

Today, I was at the mall with my 7-year-old granddaughter. When we entered a clothing store, she pulled me back, saying loudly, "Grandma! This is 'Forever 21'! 'Currently 58' is down that way!" I blame my son for this little troll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3019

You deserved it

325

Tweet

Share

Lobbied

Big bastard boss

Headache

By thammer - United States - Appleton

Today, at my grandmother's funeral there was a fight about inheritance. It was my teenage daughters arguing about what they get when I die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29774

You deserved it

3023

Tweet

Share

By ButItWasRareDad! - United States - Chicago

Today, my 15-year-old son was waiting in the car for me after driving around to build up hours for his permit. He then decided it was a good idea to quickly drive over to catch a Pokemon nearby. He didn't count on getting pulled over for texting and driving while underage without an adult though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14412

You deserved it

2093

Tweet

Share

By TheNewSalesRep - Canada - Brantford

Today, on my second day at my new job, my supervisor told me that I was ready to make a sale on my own. Things were going well, until said supervisor interrupted my sales pitch, apologized on my behalf for being new, and stole my sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22306

You deserved it

1333

Tweet

Share

By future missing person maker person thingy - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41083

You deserved it

2713

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27556

You deserved it

1612

Tweet

Share

By Shauna - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it was my birthday. I finally got the PS3 I've been asking for, for a long time. When I opened the box, I didn't find a PS3, but a bunch of clothes that my mom put in my brother's PS3 box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28914

You deserved it

4167

Tweet

Share

By thelistman - United States

Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28225

You deserved it

5113

Tweet

Share

By let ‘Er rip

The Sweet Smell of Success

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1599

You deserved it

500

Tweet

Share

By fuck off, dad - Colombia

Today, my dad had a chat with my fiancé, telling him he can do better than me, and to think carefully before going through with our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48232

You deserved it

4182

Tweet

Share

By NotJobbing - United Kingdom - London

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31288

You deserved it

3118

Tweet

Share

By kat - Reserved

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27626

You deserved it

3042

Tweet

Share

By NeverCampingAgain - United States

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74496

You deserved it

7740

Tweet

Share

By myself - United States

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40291

You deserved it

4517

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26290

You deserved it

1544

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Cornwall

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52513

You deserved it

3599

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14703

You deserved it

25460

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got let go from my job, because my personal cell phone doesn't always have signal, so I missed an important call from work. My contract specifically said I'd get a work phone, which never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22169

You deserved it

1554

Tweet

Share

By hairybetty - United States

Today, I shaved my legs and armpits for the first time in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't have a hot date, I just had my yearly gyno exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26099

You deserved it

8479

Tweet

Share

By ishweta56 - United States

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14483

You deserved it

26327

Tweet

Share

By Nish - United States - Kent

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49608

You deserved it

4152

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Exposure

Today, I received an e-mail from my girlfriend's parents telling me that all the dirty e-mails I've been sending to her while she is away have been accessible by the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29150

You deserved it

13818

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

W.T.F.

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5869

You deserved it

565

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - South Bend

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34295

You deserved it

6056

Tweet

Share

By HelpMe - United Kingdom - Galashiels

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53832

You deserved it

3822

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62303

You deserved it

12449

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 14:02 - Hungary - Sopron

Bittie

Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1507

You deserved it

112

Tweet

Share

By Tom - United States

Today, I was the 19th wheel at a party. Yes, I counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37790

You deserved it

4794

Tweet

Share

By immy504 - United States

Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41028

You deserved it

5899

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 17:00

Marriage (Dress) Story

Today, I found out that the company I sent my wedding dress to caught fire and lost everything in their building. I was going to be the fourth generation woman in my family to wear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2622

You deserved it

128

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25200

You deserved it

1772

Tweet

Share

By Tp - United States

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21836

You deserved it

28815

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3107

You deserved it

475

Tweet

Share

By thinner than you - United States - Hillsborough

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37578

You deserved it

5261

Tweet

Share

By fired

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47840

You deserved it

7416

Tweet

Share

By "Levi2411"

Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML

I agree, your life sucks

2181

You deserved it

296

Tweet

Share

By B - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12600

You deserved it

58007

Tweet

Share

By not helping - 17/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Co-parenting

Today, I confiscated my daughter’s tablet, phone and laptop after I caught her exchanging nudes with boys. My ex then called me in a rage, threatening to take me to court over “stealing his belongings” since he purchased them. No concern for our daughter’s behavior, just him wanting the stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1166

You deserved it

96

Tweet

Share

By RIP_Nose - Germany - Aidenbach

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41585

You deserved it

3864

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34600

You deserved it

4412

Tweet

Share

By Macdaddy - France

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25906

You deserved it

3435

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7713866 - Thursday 25 October 2018 18:07

I like her sense of humor.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7708003 - Saturday 13 October 2018 1:41

That kid is going places.

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7708003 - Saturday 13 October 2018 1:41

That kid is going places.

Reply

Leeono | 26

#7708195 - Saturday 13 October 2018 14:15

I foresee an Fml comment of the week in her future!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7713866 - Thursday 25 October 2018 18:07

I like her sense of humor.

By MamaChey | 22

#7713873 - Thursday 25 October 2018 18:18

And THAT’S why 7 is my very favorite age for kids!!!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7713879 - Thursday 25 October 2018 18:31

Point to the parking garage and say “Going Home Empty-Handed” is this way.

The little brat can practice her Don Rickles comedy act at home.

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7713937 - Thursday 25 October 2018 20:15

Don't be too hard on yourself... 58 is still pretty young by grandmother standards!

By Alup132 | 22

#7713990 - Thursday 25 October 2018 22:21

OP, you’re my mom’s age, and my dad is 8 years older, it’s not that bad! I’m only 18, so it’ll be unfortunate when I’m older, however.

By jennrotten | 11

#7714001 - Thursday 25 October 2018 22:45

Hey, it says "Forever" 21. That's right, even when you're 58.

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7714089 - Friday 26 October 2018 4:50

Well, you're the one who raised your son.

By hxnniemxrie | 3

#7715199 - Sunday 28 October 2018 5:30

CURRENTLY 58 WHY