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The all-time greatest FMLs

Thanks for the heads up

By thanksma - 29/01/2017 07:00 - United States - Stilwell

Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 827

You deserved it 654

By Anonymous - 04/03/2017 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend's parents consider me more of a clingy friend than a girlfriend. We have been together over 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 827

You deserved it 640

Doodle

By Busted - 12/01/2010 21:05 - United States

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 826

You deserved it 42 967

Not cut out for this

By Anonymous - 18/12/2016 02:10

Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 826

You deserved it 1 424

By Anonymous - 22/01/2017 16:00

Today, while I was at the gym, I saw a guy walk into the girls locker room. I was walking nearby so I said, "Hey man, that's the wrong one." Turns out it was just a very masculine-looking woman, with a very masculine haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 817

You deserved it 2 309

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 22:00

Today, I went scuba diving for the first time. The diver took me down some 3 meters and I started showing the thumbs up. He thought I was excited. My breather wasn't working and I was using the sign he told me to use to go up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 816

You deserved it 781

By Soapy - 06/04/2017 16:00

Today, I got a gift from my ex-boyfriend who's currently studying abroad. He got me a really creepy snowglobe for my "collection" as a sweet gesture, maybe to win me back. Except I don't collect snowglobes. He'd confused me with the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 812

You deserved it 437

By Anonymous - 10/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Waunakee

Today, at work a lady asked for a burrito, large coke, and hot sauce. While repeating back the order, the words got stuck and I accidentally said large cock. I got written up for being inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 811

You deserved it 986

By trbaby - 14/02/2017 15:00 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was at a house-warming party and my friend was in her kitchen making drinks. When I was almost done with my drink, I went to take the last gulp and saw three mouse turds stuck to the inside bottom of the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 809

You deserved it 554

By mick - 29/04/2018 19:00

Today, on my and my wife's very first camping holiday, someone cut a hole in the tent wall while we slept and stole everything, including my keys and the car. Finally getting home, it seems the thieves got our address from the car's sat-nav and burgled the house as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 808

You deserved it 511

Mama's Boy

By Anonymous - 08/03/2017 04:00 - United States

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 807

You deserved it 610

Sue! SUE!

By homelessagain - 18/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Lorain

Today, I found out, through Facebook, that my landlord hadn't been paying the mortgage on the house I'm renting from him. It's going into foreclosure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 798

You deserved it 434

I'm not paid enough for this shit

By FabFor87 - 19/12/2016 16:15 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 795

You deserved it 542

By Anonymous - 08/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Long Beach

Today, feeling very distant from my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 793

You deserved it 62 368

By Blerp - 22/01/2017 10:00

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 792

You deserved it 593

By Robert - 28/12/2017 01:30

Today, my girlfriend's mother invited me to her 18th birthday. She lied about her age. I have been screwing a minor for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 791

You deserved it 2 111

Unhinged

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for not showing up to her mother's birthday party. I didn't go because I had to finish a project for work over the weekend. This is the same person who refused to go to my father's funeral because she, "didn't feel like getting dressed up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 788

You deserved it 878

By stupidity - 25/05/2012 19:30 - Switzerland - Geneva

Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 785

You deserved it 39 039

Booze gone wrong

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 09:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 784

You deserved it 747

Got away with it, surely?

By Cinnanyan - 02/06/2016 10:20 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 778

You deserved it 2 642

By kaycie_lynn - 19/02/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 777

You deserved it 71 643

By mom - 06/12/2012 19:23 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 772

You deserved it 85 933

By Princeton - 22/01/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a fucking idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 771

You deserved it 47 996

By Lickmebaby - 12/02/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Enfield

Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 769

You deserved it 525

Assholes

By Third trimester - 26/05/2017 17:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 769

You deserved it 422

By Madokami - 30/01/2017 11:37 - United States - Kingston

Today, a customer became irrationally angry and called me a "stupid bitch", all because she couldn't use the coupon clearly marked "30% off grocery items" on a prescription from our pharmacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 769

You deserved it 429

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 05:50 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 49 106

recoils in horror

By Anonymous - 07/11/2017 06:00

Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 881

Ouch

By leaannec30 - 10/07/2016 18:52 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I thought my car was overheating. I then thought it was wise to put my hand close to my muffler to feel the heat. Needless to say, I stuck my entire hand on my muffler then had to drive around with the only cold thing in my car. A cold beer from my cooler. Yes, I got pulled over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 11 971

By Colleen - 18/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I bought a party bowl of Bud Light for a get-together. Around midnight, I realized that I didn't have the tap to get the beer out. Fifty-five cans of untappable beer and no more beer money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 761

You deserved it 22 632

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The Top

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 577

You deserved it 2 738

Today, my friend sent me an instant message, telling me how excited she was that she was accepted to a FIT Summer Program. I told her I was so proud, and that she can finally lose that excess weight. She told me that she meant Fashion Institute of Technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 700

You deserved it 70 971

Today, right now, my husband is on the phone with his friend. Last night I had a dream I was cheating on him with this friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 855

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 900

You deserved it 3 156

Today, I went to the dentist to get a cavity filled. As the dentist was drilling, he accidentally hit a nerve and I ended up screaming in pain. The whole office heard me and now I'm too embarrassed to go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 138

Today, I sent out a note to 300 friends saying that I'm having a birthday party in a couple of weeks. I asked to please write back if they are interested in coming. Two people replied. They said they can't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 986

You deserved it 4 823