Transportation: Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about... - FML

By Anonymous - 31/10/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 149

You deserved it 2 637

Hiding from the drama

How d'you like them apples?

The wrong end of the stick

Priorities, dude

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 14:00

Today, my friend told me I was a terrible person and didn't care about our friendship. Why? Because I broke our Snapchat streak by working and sleeping, instead of being on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 114

By SpiderFather - 02/07/2013 08:01 - France

Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 974

You deserved it 5 845

By coffee - 07/03/2013 13:44 - United States

Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 024

You deserved it 37 017

By ThrewItOntheGrooooooound - 07/04/2016 09:48 - Denmark - Odense

Today, a kind cyclist rode up next to me to inform me that my bag of groceries was about to fall off. Exceedingly careful, I slowly brought my bike to a halt. Only at the very second I stood still did I hear the dreaded "twang" as my carrier broke, and my stuff smashed to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 843

You deserved it 1 806

Et tu, Brute?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2018 15:00

Today, I applied for a new job as a maintenance technician. About 10 minutes after submitting my resume, I received a rejection letter. My girlfriend is their HR person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 260

You deserved it 438

By dentistftw - 08/08/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, was my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 892

You deserved it 2 885

By Gage - 27/10/2017 15:00

Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received the TV my work promised my flat would have. A big Russian man came to my door, handed me a TV from the 1970s and left. It doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 984

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 16:59 - United States

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 484

You deserved it 2 572

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 20:42 - United States - Lombard

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 472

You deserved it 5 405

By Anonymous - 27/07/2016 14:10

Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 170

You deserved it 1 387

By STOPTAKINGPICTURES - 08/07/2013 23:45 - United States - New York

Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 857

You deserved it 5 077

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 20:45 - United States - Clay City

Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 828

You deserved it 60 640

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 16:13 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 207

You deserved it 5 165

Hot tub

By Anonymous - 03/08/2012 08:21 - United States - Montebello

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 975

You deserved it 2 675

By okaythen - 14/08/2016 19:21 - United States - Euless

Today, I asked out this girl at work who I've had a crush on for a while. She looked oddly familiar, aside from the fact that we worked together. It was almost like we'd met outside of work. Two hours and one Snapchat story later, I realized I'd asked out my best friend's girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 371

You deserved it 4 953

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 988

You deserved it 3 924

By Pisser - 26/06/2014 04:57 - United States - Portland

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 117

You deserved it 5 692

By Anonymous - 12/06/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 580

You deserved it 10 724

By fuuuuck - 28/01/2010 00:27 - Canada

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 987

You deserved it 8 687

By Tay - 17/02/2012 01:29 - Australia

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 490

You deserved it 2 711

By I Have Failed - 02/04/2014 20:10 - Spain - Madrid

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 068

You deserved it 6 582

By BobE - 31/07/2019 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I went to a mall and got some really awesome shoes. I went home to find out that they are actually women's shoes. I'm a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 847

By starboy - 10/03/2012 06:50 - United States

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 160

You deserved it 20 125

By Lady Julia KaNeko - 20/06/2019 10:15 - United States - Meridian

Today, after going to bed at a decent time last night so I could get up early, I overslept. Not only that, I thought today was the day of my job interview, so I rushed to get ready and go. As I parked in the parking lot, I realized today was the day before said interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 420

Think it through

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 23:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend by knocking on her door and kneeling in front of it. I forgot that her door opens outwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 1 069

Panic! At the Door Handle

By Anonymous - 29/10/2021 05:00

Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He immediately had a massive panic attack about how a kid is going to ruin his life and split us up, because obviously I’ll choose the baby over him. We’re now in hospital because he hyperventilated, passed out and fractured his skull on the door handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 21:26 - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 935

You deserved it 2 751

By James - 08/02/2016 22:55 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 333

You deserved it 1 761

By moerae - 03/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 793

You deserved it 601

By wrongplacewrongtime - 22/02/2013 06:12 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 858

You deserved it 58 068

Hygienic

By imfullthanks - 14/03/2009 23:06 - Norway

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 567

You deserved it 7 641

By A.J. - 13/04/2019 08:00 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 29/05/2010 13:16 - Malaysia

Today, someone switched my hairspray with bug spray when I didn't notice. I used it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 933

You deserved it 6 522

Strange Diet

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 18:00

Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:50 - Canada

Today, while driving home, I was so lonely I turned on my GPS, even though I knew the way, so it would feel like I had someone to talk to. It made me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 621

You deserved it 6 782

By FUCK A FUCKING DUCK - 23/11/2012 17:20 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 979

You deserved it 2 831

Zoom off

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 07:59

Today, I was caught on a hot mic during a work department meeting complaining about someone using a leaf blower, F-bombs and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 775

By Anonymous - 07/03/2018 09:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 776

You deserved it 272

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 22:00

Today, after I'd remembered to start writing a list of my PTSD symptoms for my shrink, because I'm extremely forgetful, it finally took me three days to remember to write down forgetfulness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 453

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 09:14 - United States - Redlands

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 084

You deserved it 1 241

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Top comments

Lostinspacealone 0

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

Oh the Irony XD

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

Multitasking... your mom's a pro. I bet she scores really high on the breathilizer too.

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Lostinspacealone 0

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

Oh the Irony XD

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Monday 31 October 2011 12:37

OP's mom- "you always got to be careful you never know when a car might come outta nowhere and get ya." *BAM* OP- "...thanks mom...".

fanceh 10

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Monday 31 October 2011 13:42

I hate catchy choruses and I'm a hypocrite, hungry hungry hypocrite.

You_Need_Soap 6

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Monday 31 October 2011 13:43

Irony indeed! I'd have to LMAO at my mother in that situation, providing there are no injuries.

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Monday 31 October 2011 13:55

That fucker came outta nowhere!!!!

musiclexii124 0

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Monday 31 October 2011 17:45

Does your mom happen to be Betty White?

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Monday 31 October 2011 18:23

I swear I've seen about 5 FML posts that are exactly the same over the past few months.

fanceh 10

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Monday 31 October 2011 18:38

Divide a whole into thirds thirds thirds. I'm a gay sea otter, I blow other dudes outta the water. :)

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 4:13

I think OPs Mom had it coming..

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 5:31

I wouldn't call this an FML. I'd call it a MyLifeIsAwesome. Few things beat being able to just smirk and feign indifference when someone proves their self wrong.

JustSumRedneck 0

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 8:28

Women drivers no survivors

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

Multitasking... your mom's a pro. I bet she scores really high on the breathilizer too.

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Monday 31 October 2011 19:48

Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk.

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 4:53

#2, nice

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 0:10

why is this an fml? this is grand. now you can hang this over her head forever! i would lovee for this to happen.

Jays7 10

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree' would be my reply, OP :D

cupcakeluver1212 0

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Monday 31 October 2011 13:56

Good one! XD!

Iamaninchworm 0

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Monday 31 October 2011 23:32

Im sure OPs mom would then backhand them right in the center of their face.

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

I bet the only lesson she missed was "keep your eyes on the road"

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:33

Now you get a free red light to run and a free car to T-Bone.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 15:33

I read your comment in Billy Mays voice simply cause of your picture. I think it worked pretty well

Miss_Attitude96 24

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:38

Nexts week's lesson: parking on a hill & forgetting to put the emergency brake on & watching your car roll down & collide with other cars in the process.

saIty 17

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:38

Mom: You know what I always wanted to tell you? A blind duck can drive better than you. *Light turns yellow* Mom: Shit! *Drives up to 100 mph* Fuck! I can't stop! *smashes car into car* OP: *troll face*

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:38

That's what she gets for running her mouth!

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 6:16

And a red light.

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:42

GTA MOM!

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Monday 31 October 2011 11:51

Unless you were hurt, that's a win!

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Monday 31 October 2011 20:59

No... It's actually a fail.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 4

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 93

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 162