Miscellaneous: Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state,... - FML

06/08/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 804

You deserved it 29 815

BO Central

Best teeth in the game

Commando

06/03/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 028

You deserved it 8 583

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 63

14/04/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for not showing up to her mother's birthday party. I didn't go because I had to finish a project for work over the weekend. This is the same person who refused to go to my father's funeral because she, "didn't feel like getting dressed up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 615

You deserved it 827

12/11/2010 03:55 - United States

Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 077

You deserved it 3 643

26/09/2015 02:36 - Australia

Today, after my second date with an otherwise charming guy, he called me a whore for turning him down for sex. Yeah, I'm trying to work out the logic of that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 567

You deserved it 1 823

23/03/2018 15:00

Today, for the second time in a year, I am a victim of bank fraud. All my money was in there, and I move today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 295

You deserved it 299

03/02/2010 03:52 - United States

Today, after almost nine months of doing anything and everything to show my love for my girlfriend and make her happy, she told me she would give "anything" to relive the one week of her and her ex's relationship where she was the happiest in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 494

You deserved it 3 515

17/03/2012 12:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 939

You deserved it 13 814

25/11/2015 17:30 - Switzerland - Corminboeuf

Today, I told my parents I don't really like children and probably won't have any in the future. They sat me down and gave me a lecture on how people who hate kids are heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 637

You deserved it 3 740

09/06/2013 14:29 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 462

You deserved it 10 531

10/09/2010 16:13 - France

Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel that is supposed to prevent razor burn after shaving the bikini line. Turns out I'm highly allergic to the gel. Now I have hundreds of beautiful red bumps that look like razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 452

You deserved it 4 431

16/04/2017 12:00

Today, after giving my husband a ton of crap about the speeding ticket he got last year, I got a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 7 424

29/10/2009 04:09 - Canada

Today, I confronted my boyfriend, suspecting that he has been cheating on me during the past few months. He vehemently denied it. Then told me it would never happen again. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 962

You deserved it 3 147

07/11/2016 12:38 - Canada - Petawawa

Today, I went into work, thinking it was my last day before I start my new job, as my 2-week notice said to the managers that I can't work after today. None of them believed that I was actually capable of getting a better job and thought my 2-week notice was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 776

You deserved it 954

07/12/2018 15:30

Today, my coworker spilled sticky fruit glaze all over my cake display cake and left it overnight uncleaned. The same display case I spent 2 hours cleaning the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 492

You deserved it 148

Deliverude

By omfgwhywhywhy - 22/03/2020 19:18 - United States

Today, I had to take a delivery to a known hoarder. I was braced for the sight of the house, but not the naked fat guy and the smell of dead cat when he answered the door. To top it off, they didn't even tip me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 116

02/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 144

You deserved it 2 047

18/03/2018 19:00

Today, at work as a dog groomer, two dogs gave me bloody bites, completely unprompted. I went home in tears, so my family got Chinese takeout to cheer me up. My fortune cookie read, "It is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that counts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 736

You deserved it 510

13/11/2009 05:45 - Canada

Today, I sent my boyfriend a letter, turns out it was the wrong address. My panties are now somewhere in Canadian post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 802

You deserved it 42 633

28/06/2009 00:55 - France

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 095

You deserved it 5 791

01/12/2014 07:30 - United States - Issaquah

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 536

You deserved it 3 675

Too good to be true

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 08:00

Today, after being hella single through this pandemic, I was gently stopped by an attractive man on my way to the bus stop. He looked deep into my eyes, and I took my headphones out so I could hear him better. Then, he started moving nervously, took a breath… and offered me meth, before tweaking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 89

Social media was a mistake

By NoFriends - 06/10/2020 16:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, my husband deleted the Messenger app, because he doesn't use it a lot, and people can text him. That's fine, but he didn't tell any of his contacts that. All his friends think he's blocked them. He's now pouting, because no one's texting him. He's not on Facebook, so no-one sees him there either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 166

08/08/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 373

You deserved it 2 916

08/07/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 019

You deserved it 7 080

Namesake

By cjy152 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my stalker ex-girlfriend named her newborn son after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 210

You deserved it 3 647

14/12/2010 05:15 - Canada

Today, I was arguing in the car with my boyfriend about who was the better driver. Being so incensed by the fact that he thought he was better made me completely zone out, and run a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 338

You deserved it 41 134

07/07/2016 17:44 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 901

You deserved it 2 196

Rash beard

By Rashbeard - 05/01/2020 01:00

Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 418

05/06/2010 02:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 856

You deserved it 8 719

15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 906

You deserved it 50 764

15/06/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 786

You deserved it 15 839

25/09/2012 23:20 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 795

You deserved it 1 908

#1 Mom

By whoopsboutthecap - 15/11/2011 12:51 - United States

Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 194

You deserved it 3 756

Awkward

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 795

Disappearing act

By BrokeAfnow - 02/05/2021 02:01

Today, it was my son’s birthday. I took him out to a eat and wanted to surprise him with a new iPhone. I handed the waitress the iPhone and asked her to bring it out with the cake I brought. The cake comes out, without the iPhone. The waitress said she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 1 150

29/10/2011 07:22 - Australia

Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 470

You deserved it 3 085

Creeped out

By shawty - 22/08/2010 12:14 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 048

You deserved it 6 430

02/12/2016 03:54 - United States

Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both whispered, "Sorry." Our teacher promptly gave us detention and a 0% on the test for talking. Sorry for being sorry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 018

You deserved it 734

19/12/2014 02:39 - United States - Marietta

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 030

You deserved it 4 614

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Top comments

StanSmith_fml 9

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 9:34

Don't just chain your bike to random shit.

dressedskeleton 10

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 9:33

An FML. Welcome to the website.

Comments

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 9:18

Wait, did you have a caravan of your own? Or did you just mistake it for a bike rack?

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 9:31

Bet you still want that bike after all that it went through ;)

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 10:00

Having a good bike was too mainstream anyways...? :( Sorry OP, but in a way YDI.

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 10:39

I think he meant to chain it to his own caravan but instead chained it to someone else's. He said "someone else's caravan" and I think he would have otherwise said "someone's caravan".

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 10:51

Okay I didn't register the first part where op said "while on a biking holiday"

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 13:25

Ok someone help me. I'm from the city so the only caravans I know of are either made by Dodge or Cessna. Sooooo assuming I'm wrong in either case.....what's a caravan?

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Thursday 9 August 2012 0:21

Bit like a mobile home or what I think would be a trailer in America. Just do a google image search of caravan and you'll see lots of examples.

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 9:24

The fuck did I just read

dressedskeleton 10

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 9:33

An FML. Welcome to the website.

flockz 19

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 10:38

"Today, while on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML"

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 11:09

You can expect to receive your gift basket in 5 to 7 business day.

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 13:20

I'm still waiting for mine... I can't stop thinking of all the fruit!

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Wednesday 8 August 2012 10:41

21 killed it

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 9:24

I don't know which to choose... YDI for chaining it on the back of someone else's caravan while being somewhat hungover or your life sucks because it was dragged and has horse shit on it? Lol idk. I guess you didn't get your bike back either?

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 17:24

You can choose both

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 9:31

Get ready for the 'shitty situation' comments

StanSmith_fml 9

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 9:34

Don't just chain your bike to random shit.

BulldogHoops 14

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 17:38

"Yo Dawg, I heard you chained your shit to my shit so I got in my shit and drove your shit through some shit." Up high! Anyone? No? Bye guys.

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 10:00

Why the fuck would you even go on a cycling holiday? Isn't that an oxymoron in its self?

b0ngs 7

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 10:05

A series of unfortunate events that all couldve been prevented if you hadent gotten hammered the night before. Therefore you deserve it

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Wednesday 8 August 2012 2:11

I'm not trying to be rude, but you have the name "b0ngs", I don't think you're all for sober situations.

b0ngs 7

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Wednesday 8 August 2012 8:53

hrmm yes well I make sure to act responsibly when I'm not sober

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 10:28

Why would you go biking hungover? That sounds miserable.

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 10:41

YDI! Shouldn't chain your shit to someone else's shit xD

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 10:53

Your bike must be a shitty ride now

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 31

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 101