Today, I got told by my classmates to slow down because I put...

By Too fast. - 7/12/2016 05:54 - Uruguay - Montevideo

Today, I got told by my classmates to slow down because I put too much pressure on them. I'm taking a class in accounting for the first time in my life, we are all over 25 and so far we are doing basic math. FML

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Miscellaneous

Business savvy

Higher standards

Ant life

By Anonymous - 7/1/2012 06:30 - United States

Today, I found out what its like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 17:00

Bird's eye view

Today, I found out that my shower area is in direct view from my neighbours' balcony. I realised this when I caught my neighbour and his wife watching me while I was getting dressed. I've been living here for 7 years. FML

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By Scottie Too Hottie - 27/6/2016 22:49 - United States - Pontiac

Today, I waved money at a passing ice cream truck and it kept going. So apparently I can't even get a date with a Sno Cone. FML

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By swallowsafly - 8/6/2019 04:00

Today, Facebook sent me a new friend suggestion. I opened it only to see that the person suggested was the home wrecker that broke up my marriage 4 years ago. Her cover picture is her and my ex together, along with a group of people that I used to be friends with. FML

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By pinkblankets - 19/4/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

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By a tad whipped - 28/4/2013 20:44 - Australia

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

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By black_pheonix77 - 3/7/2020 02:02

Hi, how are you?

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

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By Singleforever - 8/8/2016 12:40 - United States - West Hartford

Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML

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By LD - 23/1/2015 16:46 - United States - Nampa

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

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By mizzy - 19/11/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML

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By - 28/12/2019 18:00

Special wedding

Today, on my wedding day, when they said "you may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately my hands were sweaty as I was nervous and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML

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By boogerbrain - 9/12/2009 21:06 - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding pictures I had just ordered and I tried to flick something off one of the pictures, but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly looked through all of my pictures and realized that I had a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML

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By Unlucky - 19/12/2018 02:00 - United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

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By Noname - 25/2/2009 22:06 - Canada

Today, I walked downstairs in a new outfit, after dieting for 3 months, and losing just over 20 pounds. My mom took one look at me and said "You'd better keep going." FML

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By Coldandshoeless - 8/1/2013 10:40 - United States - Hackettstown

Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML

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By inappropes - 29/10/2017 01:30

Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML

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By lexiibabe - 25/6/2019 18:30 - United States - Attleboro

Today, my older brother gave me his old phone. He didn't realize that he hadn't deleted his pictures. I found a bunch of him wearing my underwear and bras. FML

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By yuck - 17/7/2019 14:15

Today, my father informed me that he is going to divorce his bitch of a wife, but told me not to say anything to mess things up, in case he wants to "hit that one more time." FML

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By PeedMom - 16/3/2018 09:00 - United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

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By NaomiMadison - 30/7/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML

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By jab43 - 23/7/2011 00:57 - United States

Today, after returning home from a camping trip, I found a leech on my love spuds. I ended up having to call my dad in to help me get it off. FML

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By nerdwithagun - 24/12/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML

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By wow - 5/5/2011 06:13

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

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By mommysgirlapparently - 29/10/2010 03:17 - United States

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

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By Drom - 14/9/2016 12:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I pushed my spinning clothesline around and walked off like a badass. A loose wire then whipped around the back of my head and caught me in the eye. I'm just so badass. FML

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By uglywoman - 14/12/2010 08:21 - Australia

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

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By Forever Alone - 3/7/2013 04:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

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By kaitiem224 - 22/10/2015 02:52 - United States - Pratt

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years asked my dad if he could marry me, and my dad agreed. He then tells me that he's not going to propose for maybe another year at least, he "just wanted to get that out of the way." FML

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By lovingsnow - 27/2/2010 07:37 - Singapore

Today, I got back home and my hamster was dead. I left notes two weeks ago everywhere to remind my parents to feed it while I was overseas. Apparently, my parents even didn't realize I was gone. FML

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By stinky skunk - 5/9/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my dog ran away. It was dark, so I couldn't see very well, but I ran after him anyway. Thinking I had caught up to him, I grabbed him. It wasn't my dog. It was a skunk. FML

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By ImScrewed - 2/8/2011 17:47 - United States

Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I'm getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2017 18:00

Today, my housemate blew chunks all over the freshly-painted walls in the bathroom. The paint was still wet. FML

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By CT - 25/11/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I was told by my mother that the reason she quit her job as a counselor and divorced my dad was because she met someone through work. She works in a prison. FML

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By JMG - 19/8/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, at the water park, my grandmother's boob slipped out. Every time I close my eyes, I see her dangling breast in my mind. FML

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By strangeprincess - 9/9/2019 16:00

RIP, Moggie

Today, I had to put my cat to sleep after she was in an accident. While I was crying hysterically, the vet asked me for $230. FML

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By TabbiNicole - 15/7/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I had a woman accuse me of trying to steal her husband over the phone, just because I called and asked for him. I'm an interviewer. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2011 02:08 - United States

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

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By Doubleyew1 - 2/8/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, the cute guy I met on Halloween finally decided to meet up with me after almost 10 months of phone calls, IM, and emails. He was noticeably disappointed and said I looked different. On Halloween I had full face zombie makeup. FML

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By TiredMom - 16/2/2012 21:42 - United States

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

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Top comments

By abbyade | 21

#6721592 - Monday 12 December 2016 1:20

Did they all say that or some? Some people learn differently..Some a lot slower than others.

However, I'm guessing studying accounting means you should already know basic maths??

Anyway, I'm sure you can speak to the tutor to provide further advanced math for you to study independently.

By TwinkleToes7 | 15

#6721584 - Monday 12 December 2016 1:01

That is a little sad.. at least you seem to know what to do!

COMMENTS

By TwinkleToes7 | 15

#6721584 - Monday 12 December 2016 1:01

That is a little sad.. at least you seem to know what to do!

By torrea | 19

#6721585 - Monday 12 December 2016 1:02

So you're taking a class with morons. You should be at the top. lol

By Tripartita | 44

#6721586 - Monday 12 December 2016 1:06

Miiiiiiiiiiiight aaaaaaaaaaye reeeeeccoooooomeeeend taaaaaaaaaaalkiiiiiiiiiiiing liiiiiiiiiiiiiike thiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssss until, one by one, your classmates either shut up or move to a different table?

manofmerr | 27

#6721879 - Monday 12 December 2016 19:25

Im glad you made this comment first, because i had the same thought, and would've gotten thumbed down. So instead, i shall laugh at your comment (and consider if op could get away with irl) and be thankfull.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#6721587 - Monday 12 December 2016 1:08

Those who can, do. Those who can't do math, take accounting.

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#6722152 - Tuesday 13 December 2016 9:56

What?

By abbyade | 21

#6721592 - Monday 12 December 2016 1:20

By Frabens | 1

#6721593 - Monday 12 December 2016 1:20

There's only one thing school taught me; trust no one.

By RichardPencil | 28

#6721595 - Monday 12 December 2016 1:26

Whaaaat
Dooooeeesss
A
Yeeellllllloooow
Liiiiiigggghhht
Meeeeeeeaaaan?

RichardPencil | 28

#6721790 - Monday 12 December 2016 14:31

You need to look up this clip on YouTube before you vote on this!

By saidoh_fml | 26

#6721600 - Monday 12 December 2016 2:07

Im curious to know exactly what kind of math you're going over. Accounting can be complex and all, but the math itself is most certainly not. It's nothing the average person hasn't already covered at some point in school.

By Tayleena97 | 11

#6721611 - Monday 12 December 2016 3:04

people who are older tend to take lonter when learning new things. Maye they were never taught how to do basic math correctly at a young age and just depended on calcuators.

By shitstorm28 | 11

#6721620 - Monday 12 December 2016 4:36

it's college, and they're all adults. you work at YOUR pace, and if they have a problem with that they can suck it up and step up their game.