Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing.... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/2/2010 03:01 - United States

Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML

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Season finale

Social distancing gone wrong

Not a cheating!

By NotAGoodDay - 10/8/2016 18:57 - United Kingdom - Sudbury

Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML

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By annoyed - 14/12/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

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By Username - 1/12/2010 03:39

Today, a customer at the store I work at asked me what kind of cake I would suggest for her husband's 50th birthday. I laughed and showed her the Grim Reaper cake. She burst into tears and explained that he has cancer. FML

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By tenniemo - 12/1/2019 04:00

Today, like for the last year, I’ve been on Tinder. I was having a great conversation with a man and we were planning a date for next week when he asked for my number. When I politely responded that I’d rather wait to exchange numbers after meeting in person, he blocked me. FML

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By thefriedman - 12/2/2013 04:59 - United States - Perris

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

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By ohno - 25/3/2012 13:11 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

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By Christen - 19/2/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I walked out of the bathroom when two guys were checking me out and said "nice tail" I smiled and strutted to my next class. When I was about to sit down in my desk, the girl behind me said "did you know you have toilet paper hanging out of your pants?" FML

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By shaggyberaddy - 5/1/2018 05:00

Christmas Chaos

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

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By Kilamo - 4/7/2019 16:00

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

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By shit streak - 21/4/2020 20:00

KoBabe

Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML

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By Al - 10/3/2010 02:07 - United States

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

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By lonesome - 15/12/2014 03:22 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML

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By hoboman - 2/9/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

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By smellybelly - 2/3/2012 06:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years old. FML

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By Taraa3 - 10/10/2009 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

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By TheNewSalesRep - 21/1/2016 02:37 - Canada - Brantford

Today, on my second day at my new job, my supervisor told me that I was ready to make a sale on my own. Things were going well, until said supervisor interrupted my sales pitch, apologized on my behalf for being new, and stole my sale. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 05:00

Excitation morning

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

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By Loopylogo - 10/1/2017 14:01

Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML

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By superstar - 30/3/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

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By only 10 more hours to go - 6/1/2012 11:40 - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

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By Jonnyboo - 29/8/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

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By ahhnotoy - 27/4/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, I bought a box of Fruit Loops. When I got home, I noticed a free prize would be in the box. I sifted through the box, looking for the small toy. It wasn't in there. I don't know what is more sad, the fact that I got ripped off by a children's cereal or that I'm 21 and upset by it. FML

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By lunarboy - 17/2/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

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By Ihatebuses - 14/6/2018 19:00

Today, while getting on a city bus, I sat down on a urine-soaked seat. FML

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By TronCat8230 - 20/5/2017 12:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

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By brutality - 15/6/2009 05:38 - Canada

Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 18:03

Protip

Today, my endometriosis has reached stage 4 and has spread to many organs, including my colon. My constipation got so bad that my Apple Watch told me it was time to stand up. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

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By H4rd_Man - 1/11/2009 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I came back home to meet people before going away to university, including my ex and her new boyfriend. We broke up about two months ago and there were no bad feelings between us, so I decided to have a chat with them. I asked "How long have you been going out?" He replied "Seven months." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2013 21:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

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By MoRuined - 9/10/2014 10:27 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found my first grey hair. How? My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to point it out. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2015 23:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

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By caswell 1 - 28/2/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

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By tmi. - 1/11/2012 13:52 - Australia

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

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By nyu - 25/1/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2016 17:54 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML

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By poop - 3/4/2013 18:45

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

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By Tag - 24/9/2014 01:19 - Australia

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

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By Alittlebitiffy - 14/11/2016 12:42 - Australia - Caloundra

Today, for the 16th day in a row, my husband slept in the guest room because he doesn't want to disturb the dogs once they've fallen asleep on our bed, so they don't hate him. FML

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By David - 8/11/2012 05:43 - United States - Seattle

Today, my mother-in-law moved in because she has a hip problem. I don't know what's worse, her constant complaining and slob like tendencies, or the eight cats she brought along with her. FML

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Top comments

By garuru | 4

#896917 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:30

today i was in the park with my daughter and some kid on the swing jumped off with his pants off. FML

By thatssomeBS | 9

#896882 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:23

"I went to the park and we decided to swing"... for some reason that wasn't the "swinging" I was thinking of...

COMMENTS

By aussiechick121 | 0

#896867 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:18

bahahahahahahahah! nawwwwwwww poor thing!

Reply

orphinz | 3

#896907 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:28

Ooft where pants next time

Reply

Ryan778 | 0

#896935 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:33

LOL

Reply

JeaanPauul | 0

#897023 - Saturday 27 February 2010 10:17

Rofl @ first I thought the other type of swinging. then it crossed my mind that you didn't.

Reply

suppressed08 | 2

#897112 - Saturday 27 February 2010 11:06

it turns out those two werent your client? go figure.

Reply

adriiana1019 | 0

#897241 - Saturday 27 February 2010 12:46

ahhh mannn I would have killed to see this!!

Reply

BoarderBoy15 | 0

#897310 - Saturday 27 February 2010 13:44

how old r u like ten

Reply

Ouroboros_fml | 0

#897392 - Saturday 27 February 2010 14:41

swingin' in the moonlight, classic!

Reply

reyemrein | 0

#897679 - Saturday 27 February 2010 16:48

Only in Jesey. And that little girl wasn't the mans daughter. jk that sucks but at least only one person you know saw it happen. And they can always be taken care of....

Reply

Jrook | 0

#897690 - Saturday 27 February 2010 16:52

#6 fails so hard he/she/it has to be republican

Reply

mmmyeahsaraa | 0

#897700 - Saturday 27 February 2010 16:56

noooo theyre just from jersey so they got to be semi-retarded lmao

Reply

reyemrein | 0

#897733 - Saturday 27 February 2010 17:07

lol @61!!!!

Reply

reyemrein | 0

#897747 - Saturday 27 February 2010 17:13

*62

Reply

dudester1 | 0

#897867 - Saturday 27 February 2010 18:05

wow that's not steriotypical at all. so are you proud at how our country is turning out?

Reply

ellow_fml | 0

#898092 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:42

O.o lol

Reply

apfunction | 0

#899770 - Sunday 28 February 2010 7:52

I don't get it...does the OP wish the man and his daughter had stayed?

Reply

FYLDeep | 25

#900032 - Sunday 28 February 2010 9:45

I hope she didn't ride her bike there

Reply

Blondie08_fml | 0

#900433 - Sunday 28 February 2010 14:36

LMAO FREAKIN IDIOT SAhahahahaa

Reply

_kingofthehill_ | 0

#903252 - Monday 1 March 2010 6:23

douche.

Reply

varkey | 7

#979931 - Thursday 15 April 2010 3:41

#83 i was thinking the same thing

Reply

theunknowned | 1

#2829154 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 7:07

OP did u really wanted him to stay and watch?

By thatssomeBS | 9

#896882 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:23

"I went to the park and we decided to swing"... for some reason that wasn't the "swinging" I was thinking of...

Reply

Shokz992 | 0

#897123 - Saturday 27 February 2010 11:14

Yeah... Maybe she was going to swing on the swings ;D

Reply

exoticfuck | 0

#898294 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:35

lol same here XD .

By onebadsummer | 0

#896884 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:23

skank.

By OmgGuessWhatChic | 0

#896902 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:27

i just farted

Reply

suppressed08 | 2

#897117 - Saturday 27 February 2010 11:10

it fits into your username :'D

Reply

Felendris | 0

#897427 - Saturday 27 February 2010 14:59

suppressed: you look like a queer from my school. except you have longer hair -_- lol

Reply

jpest17 | 5

#897903 - Saturday 27 February 2010 18:17

this would be a win if their was a hot guy like me around. ;)

Reply

CustomFerrari | 0

#899608 - Sunday 28 February 2010 6:25

he looks like this kid named gabe I went to school with

By jerseystreetking | 0

#896905 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:28

he probably had somewhere else to be

Reply

boyguydudemalema | 0

#897071 - Saturday 27 February 2010 10:37

i agree, if i was the dad i'd stay and tell my daughter not to try crazy shiz like that or she'll end up like the op, or just laugh at ur missery. So yeah im pretty sure he was prolly about to leave anyways u just timed it wrong

By GodBarack | 5

#896909 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:29

Boy, you are stupid. Even if you didn't rip your pants, who knows what else could've happened?

By 13lucksucks | 0

#896914 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:29

that sucks 4 u get less baggy jeans

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#897398 - Saturday 27 February 2010 14:43

..or assless chaps!

By jennjennsofly | 7

#896916 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:30

aha chu guys are craziie asses

By garuru | 4

#896917 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:30

today i was in the park with my daughter and some kid on the swing jumped off with his pants off. FML

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#896929 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:32

her*
Fail. Not even funny.

Reply

Cristaderzi | 0

#896948 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:35

Yay Intoxicunts back HOO Rah!!

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#896968 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:42

I was never gone! =]

Reply

MellowYelloe | 0

#896973 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:43

There goes #10's self esteem

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#896975 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:45

Haha. I can fix that. Erm, being #10 is very special. Go you!
>.>

Reply

YourEvilHero | 12

#897040 - Saturday 27 February 2010 10:26

jump off backwords I think it would be pretty hard

Reply

garuru | 4

#897087 - Saturday 27 February 2010 10:46

cough cunt bitch cough stfu

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#897092 - Saturday 27 February 2010 10:48

*cough* dumb fuck who gets his panties in a twist over being corrected because he can't read a simple short anecdote *cough*

Reply

Shokz992 | 0

#897131 - Saturday 27 February 2010 11:20

garuru - Intoxicunt's awesome and your attempt at an impromptu reverse FML like other people try to do in the comments was the worst I've ever seen. Go away.

Reply

cincyboy | 0

#897408 - Saturday 27 February 2010 14:50

poor little girl she's probobly blind now

Reply

garuru | 4

#899108 - Sunday 28 February 2010 1:47

first of all cunt is a bitch second of all all of you can suck my 12 inch dick. peace out mouther fuckers!

Reply

Shokz992 | 0

#899559 - Sunday 28 February 2010 5:55

You, erm... You missed that decimal point between the 1 and the 2... Don't feel bad about it; everyone makes mistakes...

Reply

garuru | 4

#899749 - Sunday 28 February 2010 7:39

yea im not the dyslexic one you are ohh you made the mistake of knocking that girl up and leaving her. you are a douchbag

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#896932 - Saturday 27 February 2010 9:33

The man must've thought it was a park for the mentally disabled, so he left.

Reply

MattCole | 0

#897051 - Saturday 27 February 2010 10:29

I know in England, underwear is sometimes called "pants". They may be where orphinz got confused.