Intimacy: Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over... - FML

By Username - United States

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9205

You deserved it

69387

Tweet

Share

Hiding from the drama

Dementia or hate? You decide

Good kid

By stressedmom36 - United States - Tampa

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27289

You deserved it

2750

Tweet

Share

By -_-

Google Maps strikes again!

Today, I went shopping for some nice clothing for work. Annoyed that the first two stores I went to didn't have anything, I drove to a store in an unfamiliar part of the city. Not only did Google Maps direct me to a store that doesn't exist, but my car broke down in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2766

You deserved it

263

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 20:01

It's good to learn!

Today, I’m living in China and I asked my native boyfriend to read me the names of all the different goods at the bakery, so I can do more than just point next time. I realized why he doesn’t see the point, when he translated : "Bread, bread, bread, bread and… bread." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1176

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42239

You deserved it

5440

Tweet

Share

By Tottie - United States

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19382

You deserved it

41200

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33722

You deserved it

4127

Tweet

Share

By suckerrrrr - United States

Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51143

You deserved it

14557

Tweet

Share

By

My long-distance partner came to visit me for the weekend. When he arrived he seemed moody and tired, and refused any kind of physical contact. Upset, I asked him what was wrong. Turns out he's mad for coming to see me because I've put on weight, making the trip a waste of his time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3540

You deserved it

448

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Camberwell

Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34575

You deserved it

2106

Tweet

Share

By Shrek's Pubes

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde. Turns out, green hair doesn't suit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1400

You deserved it

539

Tweet

Share

By Levi2411 - 6/1/2021 11:01

Work is hell

Today, I had to do the job of 3 to 4 people. Spending the first half in the bakery by myself, I then had to run over to the deli and cook everything for the day while helping lines of customers. Why? Because 8 people are on Covid leave. Instead of shutting down the department, welcome to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

966

You deserved it

1185

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Death at one's elbow

Today, I found out that for the past 6 months I have been sleeping next to a dead body. The cremated body of my landlord's father. It was hidden inside a wardrobe that I was not supposed to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1512

You deserved it

246

Tweet

Share

By aubrey

Time to go topless I guess...

Today, I accidentally gave myself a chemical burn. It hurts like hell and I've been told all I can do is wait it out for a few days. The worst part? It's from a reaction to a cream I used all over my chest. I can't wear a shirt without being in immense pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3138

You deserved it

308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28711

You deserved it

6970

Tweet

Share

By I’m a boy - 9/3/2021 05:01

The step after egg mode

Today, I was told that because I have an anime profile picture, I’m obviously extremely ugly in real life. I’m not ugly, I’m trans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

613

You deserved it

755

Tweet

Share

By IceWrath - United Kingdom - York

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25025

You deserved it

2404

Tweet

Share

By Citivolus - 11/5/2021 11:00 - United States

Druggies

Today, I found out my brother and his girlfriend stole my wedding ring, my checkbook and my disabled son's iPad to fuel their drug habit. I'm $600 overdrawn and have no food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1293

You deserved it

65

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Emergency haircut

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2163

You deserved it

327

Tweet

Share

By invalid - 7/6/2021 10:59

X Æ A-12

Today, while applying for jobs, every single application has been giving me the error message, "Name not valid." Sorry the name my parents gave me isn’t good enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

855

You deserved it

75

Tweet

Share

By makdra

Today, I found out my mom can't wait until I turn 18, so she can kick me out and turn my room into a huge closet for all her clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22181

You deserved it

2013

Tweet

Share

By Tyler - United States

Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37713

You deserved it

3067

Tweet

Share

By Stolemylady - Australia

Today, while at my ex-girlfriend's wedding, I had to hear her explain how she met the love of her life. This happened in the four years we were dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32237

You deserved it

6761

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex broke into my fiancée's apartment and cut up her expensive wedding dress. The nutjob is in jail now, but it doesn't seem like the wedding will be happening any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15237

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1361

Tweet

Share

By dullstuff - Belgium

Today, my bike got stolen because I left my keys in the lock. On my way home, I saw my bike in front of a store, unlocked. I jumped on it, only to get punched in the face by the guy that had taken it, and got it stolen from me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39512

You deserved it

13880

Tweet

Share

By poisonhand - United States

Today, my boss caught me playing games on the computer for 4 hours. My boss told me to feel free and continue, but to pack my stuff up and leave when I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7082

You deserved it

69432

Tweet

Share

By ihatemyparents - United States

Today, my parents confiscated my iPod, because the parents' group they go to came to the conclusion that music is a gateway to anti-social behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36413

You deserved it

2719

Tweet

Share

By TBaggins00 - United States

Today, as I was texting a friend, I was going to warm up some cold pizza. As I got finished with a text I put the pizza in the microwave and set the timer. After the timer ran out, I opened the door and smelled burnt plastic. Turns out phones aren't meant to be in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14217

You deserved it

61559

Tweet

Share

By augh

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37876

You deserved it

5688

Tweet

Share

By sociallyawkward - United States - Atlanta

Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12616

You deserved it

3460

Tweet

Share

By wallamanut - United States - Portland

Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36785

You deserved it

2824

Tweet

Share

By Ima in Hungary - United States - Silsbee

Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He only did so after I'd vacuumed the whole house to compensate for his cat allergies. I thought he was just coming to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26720

You deserved it

2583

Tweet

Share

By sadbride - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25182

You deserved it

3613

Tweet

Share

By sleepyt127 - United States

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53027

You deserved it

7734

Tweet

Share

By Tuffgunsmoke - France

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12707

You deserved it

31458

Tweet

Share

By Mush - France - Montpellier

Today, after an 8-month wait, I went on my big vacation. The beach, the sea, the dive, the jellyfish, the allergic reaction, the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26632

You deserved it

1721

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Palmdale

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25478

You deserved it

49222

Tweet

Share

By mustanggt - United States - Utica

Scandalous!

Today, I got marked down in a performance review for not being able to keep my relationship with a coworker a permanent secret. I think if her engagement ring hadn't given it away, eventually the baby bump would've. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2784

You deserved it

407

Tweet

Share

By TheJazzKid - United States

Today, I played a Jazz gig. It rained, making the tent the band performed under heavy with water. When I stepped forward to play my solo, the front end of the tent collapsed under the weight of the rain, drenching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27168

You deserved it

2553

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bellerose

Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in with fresh laundry. It would've been fine at literally any other moment, but the scene on at the time involved girls groping each other in a hot spring. Now she's accusing me of being in cartoon porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2165

You deserved it

816

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85681

You deserved it

5720

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Epsilonyx | 15

#3046103 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:50

...well done, my friend. Well done.

By Weetart | 8

#3046102 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:50

ohhh you deserved to be there in the brawl.

COMMENTS

By chewbeccaz | 0

#3046096 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:49

This isn't an FML.

By i_l_y143 | 0

#3046098 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:49

how is that an fml?

By Weetart | 8

#3046102 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:50

ohhh you deserved to be there in the brawl.

Reply

seanders | 10

#3046209 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:59

Muahaha. Should've screamed "dance puppets dance!" on your way out.

Reply

SirObvious | 1

#3046288 - Friday 5 August 2011 19:08

Who fights over beastiality ?

Reply

kiran_fml | 5

#3046299 - Friday 5 August 2011 19:09

This reminds me of Mean Girls when Regina is watching everyone fight around her

Reply

woody768 | 0

#3046319 - Friday 5 August 2011 19:10

How is this an FML you got away with hardly a scratch didn't you?

Reply

i_am_evil | 7

#3046321 - Friday 5 August 2011 19:10

Isn't this like, the opposite of F your Life? Like "HoorayMyLife" I escaped a barfight, yaaaaaay!

Reply

WesleyTucker545 | 5

#3046360 - Friday 5 August 2011 19:17

lol the puppet master

By Epsilonyx | 15

#3046103 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:50

...well done, my friend. Well done.

Reply

genesisnirvana | 11

#3046231 - Friday 5 August 2011 19:00

That takes a special kind of skill

By Sithis23 | 0

#3046106 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:51

So how exactly is your life f'ed??

By your_ma | 27

#3046125 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:51

How is this FYL..?

By yourlifesfucked | 0

#3046127 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:51

So HOW is this an FML? OP quit your bitching and learn to not be a dumbass. You're lucky you didn't get someone killed.

By mikentrigger | 4

#3046138 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:52

This sounds more like bragging than a FML.

By gilstrap23 | 3

#3046140 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:52

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By raphanne_fml | 33

#3046147 - Friday 5 August 2011 18:53

And this is an FML because... ?