Today, like most weekends, I got swindled into being the designated...

By sunflowers2k - 10/12/2016 03:27 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, like most weekends, I got swindled into being the designated driver for our group. Too bad this weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9153

You deserved it

1449

Favorite

sunflowers2k Say more :

Lol! OP here, can't believe this got posted. I've always been the mother hen of my friends, and I really don't mind taking care of them. I'm not a big drinker anyways. But, all my friends had fun and my bf who hasn't been drunk in FOREVER had a great time, so that made it all worth it. Watching drunk people is pretty fun sometimes. :)

Transportation

The student becomes the master

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Territorial pissings

By elizabeth - 29/11/2012 08:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30418

You deserved it

1824

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/4/2014 07:17 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my teen son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44168

You deserved it

6605

Favorite

By whaleninjapoop - 6/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23517

You deserved it

5966

Favorite

By Scarred4Life - 1/1/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32663

You deserved it

3485

Favorite

By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - 22/11/2012 21:03 - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27655

You deserved it

1946

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47876

You deserved it

8628

Favorite

By Jedi - 20/2/2009 06:16 - United States

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

I agree, your life sucks

54183

You deserved it

2719

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 09:01 - Mongolia

Today, I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year. I've been volunteering in Mongolia, I have no running water, freeze my ass off everyday and communication with anyone who speaks English is scarce. One of the first things my father said to me was, "out of sight, out of mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36389

You deserved it

3688

Favorite

By muscalata - 20/7/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3381

You deserved it

760

Favorite

By ByeByeBirdie - 29/6/2016 22:41 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9659

You deserved it

1765

Favorite

By slondons - 18/1/2011 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were acting strange around me. This afternoon, I got a text asking me to meet them out for a couple of drinks. Because of all the strange acting, I decided to tell them I'd go and then not go. I just found out they had been planning me a surprise party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9588

You deserved it

52139

Favorite

By Earplugged - 25/1/2015 05:01 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30562

You deserved it

2142

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/10/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32114

You deserved it

7932

Favorite

By scarredforlife - 8/8/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46104

You deserved it

7158

Favorite

By MCKilllerrr - 18/1/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39655

You deserved it

3505

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/1/2016 10:50 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was at a very important meeting with a client and I had to use the bathroom. I was so nervous that I squirted white soap all up my suit jacket. My client walked in and commented on my "jizzy" blazer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20009

You deserved it

2090

Favorite

By acnebutt - 27/8/2011 22:30 - United States

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29521

You deserved it

5395

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/5/2019 06:00 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I fell down the stairs with a cup of coffee. It gave me burns on my arm and I sprained my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1518

You deserved it

209

Favorite

By laundry day again... - 8/9/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45622

You deserved it

3516

Favorite

By spanishgirl101 - 10/2/2010 02:52 - Canada

Today, I fell down the stairs, and my uncle came rushing over because he thought it was his 1 year old son. He saw me lying on the ground and said, "Oh. It's you," and then left to watch the hockey game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28824

You deserved it

3055

Favorite

By SG - 24/3/2012 12:14 - United States

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15365

You deserved it

37229

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 06:02 - United States - Roy

Make the day about me!

Today, at my wedding, my grandmother special requested a wheelchair, even though she doesn’t and never has needed any kind of assistance walking or standing at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1030

You deserved it

161

Favorite

By CoronaDating - 23/3/2020 23:10

Covid-19 vs. Sex life

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1361

You deserved it

401

Favorite

By spiteful bitch - 25/7/2020 23:00

Surprise!

Today, my boyfriend’s ex found out I was pregnant. Her logical response was to have her teenage sons jump him as he was coming home from work. Now we’re filling out a police report instead of our baby registry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1462

You deserved it

105

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/1/2015 19:18 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37234

You deserved it

4685

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24017

You deserved it

12647

Favorite

By hanmart - 15/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my coworker shared a laugh with the boss about setting the office desk on fire (which he actually did), while ten minutes later I was threatened with being fired because I made paper snowflakes and hung a few of them next to the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29326

You deserved it

2613

Favorite

By couldntholdit - 12/7/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43277

You deserved it

23892

Favorite

By tedfragle - 28/9/2016 09:52 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I realised that as I get closer to home, I drive slower and slower so I'm away from my husband for longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11557

You deserved it

2551

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/5/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57176

You deserved it

3509

Favorite

By Greg - 16/12/2018 13:30

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2471

You deserved it

148

Favorite

By johnsj8 - 17/3/2011 15:11

Today, I was moving to the city with all my belongings when the trailer came unhitched, breaking the chains on my dad's homemade trailer. I then watched as the trailer narrowly missed a guardrail, went down a hill and into a river. My dad still won't admit he didn't latch the hitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34134

You deserved it

4360

Favorite

By notyourmom - 11/6/2013 12:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

92537

You deserved it

7703

Favorite

By IceMage - 18/1/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11587

You deserved it

39193

Favorite

By anonymous - 10/11/2016 14:29 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10684

You deserved it

748

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28322

You deserved it

1880

Favorite

By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27476

You deserved it

25049

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/2/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27492

You deserved it

3151

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/5/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17511

You deserved it

101072

Favorite

By kolgate - 15/2/2012 10:12 - United States

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentines Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45563

You deserved it

3134

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6720955 - Saturday 10 December 2016 7:07

"Swindled"? I can only imagined what happened.

OP's friend: "Adesignateddriversayswhat?"

OP: "What? FUCK—not again! Come on, guys, it's my birthday!"

By kangx1 | 28

#6720954 - Saturday 10 December 2016 7:05

That's fucked up it's YOUR birthday. I hope you fought it at least. Should have partied the way you wanted and got an Uber or something. Fuck those people who wanted you to be DD

COMMENTS

By Cali | 54

#6720951 - Saturday 10 December 2016 6:57

Why do you think OP didn't fight for his right to party?

TabooSushi | 24

#6720960 - Saturday 10 December 2016 7:20

The way it was phrased. Sounds like this occurs quite often and, like every other time apparently, he just laid down and took it instead of taking a stand for once.

mattyiscool123 | 26

#6721186 - Saturday 10 December 2016 23:49

He didn't feel the beastie boys vibe

Cali | 54

#6721193 - Sunday 11 December 2016 0:43

Matty gets it. Matty is cool.

By BrailynRaylynn | 22

#6720953 - Saturday 10 December 2016 7:02

I would just refuse to go. Go party on your own, then call a cab when you are ready to go home.

By kangx1 | 28

#6720954 - Saturday 10 December 2016 7:05

That's fucked up it's YOUR birthday. I hope you fought it at least. Should have partied the way you wanted and got an Uber or something. Fuck those people who wanted you to be DD

By Tripartita | 44

#6720955 - Saturday 10 December 2016 7:07

"Swindled"? I can only imagined what happened.

OP's friend: "Adesignateddriversayswhat?"

OP: "What? FUCK—not again! Come on, guys, it's my birthday!"