Health: Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine.... - FML

By Shleebs - 19/03/2012 19:20 - United States - Hamilton

Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 579

You deserved it 2 318

Shleebs tells us more.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:03

I actually threw up in her room and in her bathroom. She had to clean it up. I think justice was served.

Weird reason to leave, but OK

You tried

Dementia or hate? You decide

By TheJazzKid - 30/08/2011 03:56 - United States

Today, I played a Jazz gig. It rained, making the tent the band performed under heavy with water. When I stepped forward to play my solo, the front end of the tent collapsed under the weight of the rain, drenching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 177

You deserved it 2 556

Eat the rich

By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - 01/06/2017 15:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving up to a Four Seasons, not to stay, but to attend a work event that was already paid for. I did look a little out of place in my Toyota Corolla amongst the luxury SUVs, but was nonplussed when a man came up to me, knocked on my window, and said, "The Motel 6 is over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 744

You deserved it 423

By kalamar5 - 25/05/2014 20:54 - Norway - Sarpsborg

Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing while waiting for some documents I needed to arrive, then went back to his desk and went on Facebook, thinking I couldn't see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 770

You deserved it 5 446

By efmylife - 23/10/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 876

You deserved it 7 139

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 17:41 - Canada

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 553

You deserved it 3 879

By catlover - 13/12/2012 11:04 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 193

You deserved it 32 226

By Anonymous - 29/04/2014 18:46 - United States - Swartz Creek

Spicy

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 571

You deserved it 9 032

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 12:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 807

You deserved it 12 655

By lds124 - 29/10/2009 04:11 - Canada

Today, I went on a first date with an employee from Sobey's who asked for my number while I was grocery shopping. We decided to each bring a friend. I brought my roommate. He brought his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 164

You deserved it 3 947

By dad - 29/06/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 489

You deserved it 8 293

By fuckyoudeadgunnuts - 04/09/2015 14:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 694

You deserved it 2 803

By Awkward - 04/12/2013 22:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 888

You deserved it 14 631

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 435

You deserved it 10 660

By cay - 30/01/2013 19:59 - United States - Holley

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 234

You deserved it 3 235

By ari - 17/06/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 571

You deserved it 3 005

By kbartlett86 - 24/06/2010 20:02 - Canada

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 384

You deserved it 4 598

Festival spirit

By Festivalgal - 01/08/2021 20:01

Today, I went to a music festival with my boyfriend and ran into his female bestie. She refused to say “Hello”, looked at me up and down, and made passive-aggressive remarks under her breath. After a while of us three hanging out, she stormed off and told him, "We’ll talk about this later, call me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 90

Hope springs eternal

By Work Life Imbalance - 17/02/2021 22:59

Today, I started working my third job, on top of a full time job and a casual job. Why? My partner got sacked from her job, because she did nothing while working from home. She will look for a job "when the economy improves and we hit peak vaccination." Vaccinations don’t start in my country for another 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 134

By hunta331 - 14/07/2019 22:00

Today, I learned just how bad jellyfish stings hurt. Multiple times. On my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 197

Dweebs

By XxtentaculonxX - 08/12/2012 22:52 - United Kingdom - Oban

Spicy

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 776

You deserved it 32 387

By Anonymous - 02/03/2019 14:00

Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 230

By cclllc - 14/08/2012 09:06 - United States - Weatherford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 902

You deserved it 2 076

By fml - 25/04/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 974

You deserved it 60 934

By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 139

You deserved it 4 714

Cheers

By toastynippies - 24/02/2015 19:32 - United States

Today, my mom sent me a picture of a blank piece of paper, saying it was a drawing of all the people who wanted to date me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 151

You deserved it 3 204

By stanky - 22/04/2009 04:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with this guy I've been trying to get for four months. I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I walked out, glad that I was quiet about it. Ten minutes later, my mom walks out of the same bathroom and goes "Honey, you need to spray after you make a stinky" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 702

You deserved it 5 800

Your kid is a boffin

By Toby's.Mom. - 16/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I heard my son use the word "exacerbated". I had to look it up to see if he had correctly used it, which he had, because I couldn't remember what it meant. I'll be 23 next week. He's not even 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 864

You deserved it 2 925

By Ouch - 21/06/2013 03:06 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, I tried to wipe some sweat off my brow before it could make its way down into my eye. I ended up poking myself in the eye so hard that I yelped, stumbled and was thrown off the still-moving treadmill while trying to regain my balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 386

You deserved it 7 225

By EwwEwwEww - 19/02/2017 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 789

You deserved it 441

By themcdave - 19/05/2012 08:03 - United Kingdom - Cranfield

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 525

You deserved it 4 528

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 22:00

Today, I needed to call my mom to get some info so I dialled the number on my work phone. Not 2 seconds after, my cellphone rang. I got super pissed off because I hate when people call me on my cell at work. It was me. I'd dialled my own number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 2 134

By single pringle - 05/11/2014 01:16 - United States - Morristown

Today, my boyfriend came home from college for the first time in weeks just to visit me. I was so excited that I spent two hours getting ready. Turns out he was only coming back to dump me. Now I'm single and out of foundation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 838

You deserved it 4 412

By UFVKNP - 10/03/2017 16:00

Today, my coworker and I were swamped with coffee orders. I told him I would "take care of the blacks", and a customer who only heard that sentence screamed at me for several minutes about racism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 908

You deserved it 572

By emix - 17/06/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, I was dropping my new boyfriend off at his house. I had never been there before, so he was giving me directions as I drove. We passed a small trailer home on the right. I commented without thinking, "I'm so glad I don't live in a house like that." My boyfriend told me to turn right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 094

You deserved it 66 476

By Chensticles - 14/10/2009 01:25 - France

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 107

You deserved it 3 630

By Ellie - 08/05/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I was practicing for a choir concert that I have next week. My mom walked into my room and listened to me for a little while. After I finished the last song, she smiled, patted me on the head and said, "It's okay honey, I can't sing either." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 865

You deserved it 2 958

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 02:00

Today, I had the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my lower right abdomen. I was doubled over and vomiting it hurt so bad. After going to the E.R., thinking it was my appendix and getting checked in, I let out the biggest most rancid fart in my life and the pain immediately went away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 355

By jessi - 02/12/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 063

You deserved it 6 643

By LawStudent - 19/09/2012 14:54 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 958

You deserved it 3 590

By idiot says "you raised him" - 31/05/2014 21:30 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 114

You deserved it 7 951

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Top comments

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:13

Nice wording

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:02

I'm here! Sorry I'm late, guys. I was bothering some people elsewhere. The apostrophe wasn't necessary, bud. Thanks for trying though. NAZI AWAAAAAAAY! :D

Comments

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:13

Nice wording

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:13

Nice wording

Cad6 24

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:34

Nice to know that your mom cares about you, OP. FYL indeed.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Cad6 24

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:38

^The only stupid wording here was your's.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:12

I don't think the 's on yours was necessary.... I'm not 100% sure though.

Cad6 24

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:17

Eh I wasn't too sure either...but putting the apostrophe explicates possession. We can just wait till a Grammar Nazi gets on, which won't be too long, cuz the site is crawling with them.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:02

I'm here! Sorry I'm late, guys. I was bothering some people elsewhere. The apostrophe wasn't necessary, bud. Thanks for trying though. NAZI AWAAAAAAAY! :D

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:06

*run run run run run run*

blackheart24 10

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 3:04

I loved the wording of this FML. 53- Usually I hate grammar nazis but your comment was fucking hilarious. Thumbs up to you sir.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 5:19

It was nice wording, but why didn't you throw up your childhood memories as well? I have some badddd memories... *shudder*

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 6:46

Throw up all over the bitch then say ur right nvm I don't need it

BradTheBrony 19

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 23:56

Yeah, Uncle Touchy-Touch was really creepy.

MischievousLoki 6

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:13

Maybe try to go on your own? Or ask a friend if they can get you some? Get better soon OP! Try to drink some warm tea with lemon and honey!

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:24

It's not a sore throat. Try a fizzy drink; the bubbles help calm your stomach.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:37

Raspberry zinger tea works wonders for nausea.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 9:44

And then call children's services on her ass!

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 17:07

Sprite works too. :]

NotYourOrdinary7 6

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:13

Such a nice, caring mommy you have.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:50

wow thts sad lol

22cute 17

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 4:03

Not necessarily, his mom may know that it's not healthy to stop vomiting due to illness. It's your body's way of getting dangerous stuff out. Unless the nausea is chronic or due to vertigo it's best not to take drugs to stop it.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 7:29

Sounds like my mom... Got a cut? Need stitches? Super glue it. A fever of 104? Hot sweats and chills? You're still not getting out of chores. Oh you broke your leg? I hope it wasn't the right one cuz you'll need it to drive yourself to the hospital.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:15

Next time, aim the barf in her direction.

Cad6 24

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:58

Like a boss.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:03

I actually threw up in her room and in her bathroom. She had to clean it up. I think justice was served.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:07

Best idea I've heard all day.

Cad6 24

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:07

#32 - Genius.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:14

Nice.

OHai15 12

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:16

@OP, was a side of kickass served with that justice?

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 22:20

I prefer my justice served with a little karma sauce.

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Thursday 29 March 2012 0:55

If OP comments could be thumbed up I would have thumbed up this one.

TheAspieDork 27

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Thursday 18 February 2016 14:26

Nice. Hope your mom won't be as much of a dick if and when it happens again.

Salzxx 11

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Monday 26 September 2016 20:36

they can. I did

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:16

Damn you, irony! But seriously, get well soon! (did you at least throw up on your mom?

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:40

)

kb021 18

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:17

Wow, what a mother. Hope you're feeling better soon!

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:19

Never underestimate a parent's power of denial.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:20

I feel sorry for you OP! Maybe if you had free health care she would pick something up!

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:09

You still have to pay for over the counter meds with free healthcare, moron. She wouldn't be getting a prescription.

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 3:48

Who needs a prescription? Why no just buy pepto?

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 8:45

55# With free health care you'll get a discount on over the counter meds! And btw I were just saying that maybe it's a matter of money!

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 20:18

98--a bottle of pepto is what, $5? Less if you get the store brand? I doubt it's that hard to get $5 together (even if it's sofa change) for an emergency.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 23:04

Really depends on the System. E.g. in Germany you would pay for prescriptions, though they are subsidised (free for children). In Taiwan prescriptions are free.

SarcasticUnicorn 9

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:21

I hate it when my parents do that to me.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 2 354

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 195