Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine.... - FML

By Shleebs - 19/3/2012 19:20 - United States - Hamilton

Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML

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Shleebs tells us more :

I actually threw up in her room and in her bathroom. She had to clean it up. I think justice was served.

Toxic parents

Great speech, thanks!

Ambien conversations are the worst

By robotzzz - 20/2/2009 14:12 - France

Today, I asked a co-worker out for a drink. She said yes, then my older brother who was visiting decided to come behind me and pull down my pants in front of the office. Then she said no. FML

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By whiteycan'tgetitrightey - 24/2/2015 23:13 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML

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By spitt - 13/5/2015 02:11 - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

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By vreenya - 8/4/2014 20:13 - Chile - Santiago

Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML

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By scarred - 17/9/2018 15:30

Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML

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By SweptWolf - 6/6/2020 23:02

Doomed

Today, my fiancée handed me her engagement ring back and told me she felt like she's pressuring me into marriage, so to make me feel better about it we’re no longer engaged. On top of this, I found out she’s started talking to her ex again. FML

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By Sonic - 15/1/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

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By bummed - 14/4/2014 01:57

Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML

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By NotSoSmart - 3/9/2019 17:00 - United States - Ventura

Dr. Phil

Today, in the spirit of being helpful, I accidentally convinced the girl I'm secretly in love with to stay with her boyfriend. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 22:50 - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2013 06:22 - United States - Lacey

Today, I was at my class's band concert. Before the curtain was raised, I helped haul the piano to a different spot so a girl who would've had to stand behind it could be seen. I said, "There, now your mom can see you play!" She responded with, "My mom's blind." FML

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By PoopTart - 29/4/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML

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By jay ze punk - 29/1/2013 19:56 - France - Metz-tessy

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

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By topfisherman - 5/2/2010 20:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school. So, we went into the locker room. We were making out for a couple minutes when the door opened. It was the principal, who also happens to be her dad. FML

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By good_gravy - 20/2/2012 19:39 - United States

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2018 06:00

Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML

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By Curly - 9/1/2013 00:26 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

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By rastafarimon - 17/4/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

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By cerulean - 10/10/2017 01:30

Today, a nurse berated me for not being able to lift my leg myself so she could put a cast on. My leg is broken in two places. FML

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By pranksonpranks - 14/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Dicks aplenty!

Today, my sister and I have been in a prank war. She spammed my phone with dozens of random dick pics from the internet. My boyfriend saw and accused me of cheating. Now he won’t talk to me, and my sister won’t help me explain things. Guess she won. FML

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By Natalie - 2/3/2010 22:05 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as revenge. FML

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By InAnAwkwardSituation - 25/8/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

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By robbed - 14/10/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML

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By Toodamnold - 13/2/2018 09:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I was once again escorted out of a supermarket by a police officer. I must be the only 83-year-old who still has his marbles, but people always assume I am senile and wandering from a care center. FML

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By IMSERIOUS - 22/1/2014 19:23 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2019 18:00

It is free

Today, I've decided to pay for sex. Stopped at a hooker and asked how much would it cost for a blowjob. Apparently she was a boy and told me: "If you suck my penis first, it is free". FML

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By Username - 16/7/2010 04:17 - France

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next 4 hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

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By 420dits - 26/1/2010 01:16 - Canada

Today, my crush went on webcam on MSN. He looked really adorable, so I took about 6 screen shots and copied them into paint. I accidentally took a screenshot of my screen with all the pictures on paint and copied it into the conversation. FML

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By Broken - 3/8/2010 12:11 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

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By Teddy Bear - 12/1/2019 16:00

Today, while working in a kids' shop, I absent-mindedly called a small person with his mum a little man. I then hear a deep man's voice say "I'm not a little man." FML

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By MyEarsHurt - 16/9/2012 23:01 - United States - Stockton

Today, my next-door neighbor decided to become a rapper. FML

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By What? - 22/1/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

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By tiptoesjohnson - 19/1/2012 23:26

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

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By kate - 29/4/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 23:42 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2016 08:38

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

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By gross - 15/7/2011 01:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

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By Love stinks - 19/8/2013 13:06 - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

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By bcca - 13/2/2012 14:22 - United States

Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

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By Screamslikeagirl - 27/9/2016 19:17 - United States - Union City

Today, there must have been a wasp clinging to my front door because when I walked outside, it dropped between my glasses and my face and began stinging me all around my eye. I don't know if my eye is more swollen from the stings or from me repeatedly punching myself in the face. FML

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Top comments

By Snaylor12 | 0

#4188201 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:13

Nice wording

By Cre3per | 2

#4188827 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:02

I'm here! Sorry I'm late, guys. I was bothering some people elsewhere. The apostrophe wasn't necessary, bud. Thanks for trying though.
NAZI AWAAAAAAAY! :D

COMMENTS

By Snaylor12 | 0

#4188199 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:13

Nice wording

By Snaylor12 | 0

#4188201 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:13

Nice wording

Reply

Cad6 | 24

#4188360 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:34

Nice to know that your mom cares about you, OP. FYL indeed.

Reply

comedybreak | 20

#4188369 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:36

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Cad6 | 24

#4188392 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:38

^The only stupid wording here was your's.

Reply

zachherbert | 10

#4188580 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:12

I don't think the 's on yours was necessary.... I'm not 100% sure though.

Reply

Cad6 | 24

#4188612 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:17

Eh I wasn't too sure either...but putting the apostrophe explicates possession. We can just wait till a Grammar Nazi gets on, which won't be too long, cuz the site is crawling with them.

Reply

Cre3per | 2

#4188827 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:02

I'm here! Sorry I'm late, guys. I was bothering some people elsewhere. The apostrophe wasn't necessary, bud. Thanks for trying though.
NAZI AWAAAAAAAY! :D

Reply

EpicSquirrel | 0

#4188842 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:06

*run run run run run run*

Reply

blackheart24 | 10

#4189133 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 3:04

I loved the wording of this FML.

53- Usually I hate grammar nazis but your comment was fucking hilarious. Thumbs up to you sir.

Reply

hahafylop | 4

#4189562 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 5:19

It was nice wording, but why didn't you throw up your childhood memories as well? I have some badddd memories... *shudder*

Reply

aaahhhfire21 | 0

#4189756 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 6:46

Throw up all over the bitch then say ur right nvm I don't need it

Reply

BradTheBrony | 19

#4197678 - Wednesday 21 March 2012 23:56

Yeah, Uncle Touchy-Touch was really creepy.

By MischievousLoki | 6

#4188205 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:13

Maybe try to go on your own? Or ask a friend if they can get you some? Get better soon OP! Try to drink some warm tea with lemon and honey!

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#4188300 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:24

It's not a sore throat. Try a fizzy drink; the bubbles help calm your stomach.

Reply

thatKidzmOm | 10

#4188999 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:37

Raspberry zinger tea works wonders for nausea.

Reply

ladyLALAA | 28

#4190143 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 9:44

And then call children's services on her ass!

Reply

starbeast | 0

#4191358 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 17:07

Sprite works too. :]

By NotYourOrdinary7 | 6

#4188207 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:13

Such a nice, caring mommy you have.

Reply

torch433 | 1

#4188779 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:50

wow thts sad lol

Reply

22cute | 17

#4189359 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 4:03

Not necessarily, his mom may know that it's not healthy to stop vomiting due to illness. It's your body's way of getting dangerous stuff out. Unless the nausea is chronic or due to vertigo it's best not to take drugs to stop it.

Reply

spekledworf | 18

#4189846 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 7:29

Sounds like my mom... Got a cut? Need stitches? Super glue it. A fever of 104? Hot sweats and chills? You're still not getting out of chores. Oh you broke your leg? I hope it wasn't the right one cuz you'll need it to drive yourself to the hospital.

By Lauren10102 | 3

#4188222 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:15

Next time, aim the barf in her direction.

Reply

Cad6 | 24

#4188510 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:58

Like a boss.

Reply

Shleebs | 12

#4188537 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:03

I actually threw up in her room and in her bathroom. She had to clean it up. I think justice was served.

Reply

miniman524 | 0

#4188559 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:07

Best idea I've heard all day.

Reply

Cad6 | 24

#4188561 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:07

#32 - Genius.

Reply

iBiteRoses | 22

#4188888 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:14

Nice.

Reply

OHai15 | 12

#4188891 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:16

@OP, was a side of kickass served with that justice?

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#4192327 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 22:20

I prefer my justice served with a little karma sauce.

Reply

alfred07 | 18

#4229715 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:55

If OP comments could be thumbed up I would have thumbed up this one.

Reply

TheAspieDork | 27

#6539913 - Thursday 18 February 2016 14:26

Nice. Hope your mom won't be as much of a dick if and when it happens again.

Reply

Salzxx | 8

#6695638 - Monday 26 September 2016 20:36

they can. I did

By ipwnallmen | 10

#4188226 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:16

Damn you, irony!
But seriously, get well soon! (did you at least throw up on your mom?

Reply

zingline89 | 18

#4188736 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:40

)

By kb021 | 18

#4188245 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:17

Wow, what a mother. Hope you're feeling better soon!

By Calyx_fml | 21

#4188263 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:19

Never underestimate a parent's power of denial.

By vcapelo | 19

#4188269 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:20

I feel sorry for you OP! Maybe if you had free health care she would pick something up!

Reply

lyncecelia | 13

#4188857 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:09

You still have to pay for over the counter meds with free healthcare, moron. She wouldn't be getting a prescription.

Reply

Deadzombie | 2

#4189307 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 3:48

Who needs a prescription? Why no just buy pepto?

Reply

vcapelo | 19

#4189986 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 8:45

55# With free health care you'll get a discount on over the counter meds! And btw I were just saying that maybe it's a matter of money!

Reply

lyncecelia | 13

#4191944 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 20:18

98--a bottle of pepto is what, $5? Less if you get the store brand? I doubt it's that hard to get $5 together (even if it's sofa change) for an emergency.

Reply

st0815 | 9

#4197410 - Wednesday 21 March 2012 23:04

Really depends on the System. E.g. in Germany you would pay for prescriptions, though they are subsidised (free for children). In Taiwan prescriptions are free.

By SarcasticUnicorn | 9

#4188273 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:21

I hate it when my parents do that to me.