Today, I woke up with my eye swollen half shut. To spare the embarrassment, I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. She said no, but also attempted to make me feel better by saying that with my eye, my acne was unnoticeable. FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML
NateTheGreat132 tells us more.
I was wearing gloves. When you open up a new carving block, there's TONS of meaty juice inside of there that you have to drain out. Some of it got inside my gloves.
Today, a homeless man asked me for money in a train station bathroom. When I told him I had no money he left. He then returned only to pour a bottle full of urine on my head while I was in the stall. I use a metro card. I honestly had no money. FML
Today, my husband was choosing an auto insurance. Geico was $500 and Allstate was $200. He chose Geico because it had a 'cute little lizard.' FML
Today, my grandma got up at 6:30am, clattered about the bathroom then sang religious songs at the top of her voice for half an hour. Apparently this is her normal routine, weekends included. She is staying with us for a month. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML
Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML
Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML
callalilley tells us more.
callalilley 18
Hey guys! OP here! It stunk not going on vacation. From the beginning, we ALL thought we had to take the final. In the syllabus it said it was worth 30% of our grade. He's a new professor and this is a psychology class. I guess some type of experiment??? I was so mad, but I still have a 3.8 GPA to prove for it!!!
Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML
Today, my father passed away. I called my boss to let him know about the situation. His only response before hanging up: "Shit, dude. Well, I'll see you in the morning, these reports won't write themselves." FML
Today, after having recently moved 300 miles to be with my boyfriend of 2 years, I have to celebrate Christmas alone. He never thought our relationship important enough to tell his family about me, and doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML
Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML
Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML
Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML
Today, I was told by my mother that the reason she quit her job as a counselor and divorced my dad was because she met someone through work. She works in a prison. FML
Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML
Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML
Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML
Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML
Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML
Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML
Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML
Today, I found out I have Raynaud's, a condition where your veins basically shut off all blood flow to your hands and feet if you get cold. Turns out "cold" for me is anything below 70 degrees. Oh, and I live in Ohio. FML
pere tells us more.
there's a few treatments that help stop the vasoconstriction, but most have side effects (of course!) so a first course of action is just to bundle up...which believe me, doesn't work nearly as optimally as it should! And yup, purple/grey feet when they warm up! Some people have really severe cases where open ulcers + gangrene can occur and yes, they really do lose fingers and toes :(
Today, I laid in bed all night texting my drunk boyfriend and drunk best friend. They were at two different parties, neither of which I was invited to. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to help me get over the fear of my upcoming rectal exam by surprising me with one of her own halfway through our lovemaking. FML
Today, for our last kid-free dinner before the birth of our 4th child, we chose a Japanese hibachi restaurant. They sat us with a family with a toddler, who started screaming at the first flame trick, causing the chef to cease to do anything entertaining. FML
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