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The all-time greatest FMLs

Close quarters

By smellay - 14/04/2020 23:00

Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 388

Caught red-handed

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:04

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 757

Very very frightening

By graham - 11/01/2020 14:00

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 360

Goodbye Bill

By faith - 16/06/2020 23:00

Today, I went to a restaurant to order food with just a $100 bill. They no longer had what I came for, so I left. When I got to my car, I realized - no bill. I went back in for them to say they hadn't seen it, and they wouldn’t check the cameras. I know the lady working there picked it up since I was the only customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 679

Never engage with psychos

By Foxy17 - 16/08/2020 20:01

Today, in a convenience store, I asked a girl who wasn't wearing her mask and not keeping her distance to step away. After telling me to fuck off, she put her mask on, went to the teenage manager and said I was harassing her. Even after hearing my side of the story, I was asked to leave. Turns out it was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 400

Saturday Night Fever-ish

By lonely - 15/09/2019 04:05 - Canada - Granby

Today, I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out and watch a movie. It's been two hours since everyone was supposed to turn up, and no one has showed. Thanks, friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 155

By Purple-jacket - 10/04/2019 04:00

Today, I graduated with a CS degree and a certification in networking, only to make $12/hr. Guess some trade jobs are worthless now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 369

By boardwalk the fuck out of my resturaunt - 17/06/2019 00:01 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I received a tip in Monopoly money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 11:47

Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 147

Noise annoys

By guiltyschuldig49 - 28/05/2020 14:00

Today, and for months, my upstairs neighbor has been stomping on their floors, hard enough to shake our walls. We thought it was their child, but found out it’s the mother. She took up running, and due to the pandemic, she does it in the living room. She's already been told to stop. Repeatedly. I work 12-hour nights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 146

Free healthcare, now!

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 10:02

Today, I flew to America for my dad's funeral. I broke my vials of insulin and went to a pharmacy for a refill. No one told me they charge for insulin in America. One vial cost 270 dollars, the funeral is three days away and after booking a hotel, I have 6 dollars to feed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 872

You deserved it 240

Sex workers unite!

By not a fan - 07/04/2021 17:00 - United States

Spicy

Today I’ve been called a prude, a misogynist, a controlling bastard and worse all because I have a problem with my girlfriend masturbating for strangers online. She has an OnlyFans and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 872

You deserved it 435

Gamer watch

By kristajoy2001 - 01/09/2019 00:02

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 872

You deserved it 351

Boo!

By Today - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, in my school's rugby grand final, I had to take a penalty kick to win the game. Possibly the easiest kick I've taken all year. I stuff it up, and it completely missed. A crowd of 2000 people laughed, and later booed me off the field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 487

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 12:41

Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 108

Great session! Same time next week!

By Sabre777 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 215

By headache - 04/05/2019 14:00

Today, I have a new office-mate. I'm not particularly sensitive to odours but he wears so much cologne, I nearly throw up every time he walks in. Only 8 more hours till fresh air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 169

By sgibson982136 - 03/06/2019 20:00

Today, I spent thirty minutes ringing up a Guinea pig and supplies for a customer who talked like a sloth, all while she argued with over the price of everything, only for her to return it all five minutes later because her sister had "changed her mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 132

Can't catch a break

By not a whore! - 30/08/2020 14:05 - United States - Madison

Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 262

Bad thought

By Anonymous - 24/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Longmont

Today, I found out that my parents have thought I'm lesbian for at least a year. I now understand why my dad has been trying to get me to "hang out" with his co-worker's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 209

By ladygrey - 20/07/2019 00:08

Today, my daughter informed me that she hates everything about her appearance and wants to get every possible plastic surgery when she’s older. She’s 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 243

Perfume Allergy Man strikes again!

By Lor - 09/10/2019 06:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a woman got on the bus wearing extremely strong perfume and sat in the seat in front of me. The gentleman I was sitting next to began violently sneezing, so much so that he eventually sneeze-vomited all over my lap and backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 177

**** off

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 14:03

Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "Two minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 236

They exist

By baffleduncle - 28/07/2019 02:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I listened to my niece explain to me, in great detail, that the Titanic never sank, and that the year it supposedly did was a prediction of 9/11. She learned all of this from some whackjob conspiracy theory videos, and acts like she's an expert now as a result. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 162

All the single ladies (All the single ladies)

By Lissa - 10/09/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I’m a 28 year-old single mom who has never has never experienced an orgasm. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 621

Family channels have issues

By Dylann - 06/09/2021 02:01

Today, I'm 16, my sister is 13 and our little brother is 9. Our parents just told us their plans to start a family vlog on YouTube, because, "It's made people rich. Don't you want to be rich?" I said I didn't want to be a part of such a humiliating enterprise, but they started filming me, as a "first family argument video." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 122

Torn

By VaveJessop - 05/05/2020 20:00

Today, my 19-year-old best friend decided she's going to elope with her 30-year-old, alcoholic boyfriend, who she's only been dating for 5 months. She wants me to go with her and be her maid of honor. She says she'll never speak to me again if I don't support her terrible decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 171

By wmhh26 - 14/07/2019 00:30

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I've been "spending too much time at the bar." I've been sober for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 150

Alexa, play "Don't Stand So Close to Me" by The Police

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 03:48

Today, my boss forbade me from seeing my significant other until they relax the quarantine rules. We live in barracks on the same base. I'm terrified of accidentally running into her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 225

AdrianAmato tells us more.

AdrianAmato 10

Sunday 5 April 2020 22:48

They didn't tell me I can't have a relationship with her, just that we can't visit each other anymore (due to the tighter COVID restrictions) even though we live on the same base and people whose girlfriends live off-base can still visit their girlfriends.

Where's my explanation?

By wishyouweremeds - 30/10/2019 06:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after two and half years at my company and after recently being promoted, I was told by my boss the business doesn't feel it needs me, and invited me to find another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 138

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The Top

The Top

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 488

You deserved it 9 535

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 460

You deserved it 2 469

Today, I decided I was done waiting for my boyfriend to ask me to marry him, so we were cuddling in his bed and I asked him. He asked for a rain check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 124

You deserved it 15 104

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 474

You deserved it 2 819

Today, I had an excellent conversation with this guy I met on a gay dating site. We really hit it off well and had a lot in common. We got to the point where he asked me for my picture. I showed it to him and he stopped responding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 570

You deserved it 15 898

Today, my husband has been in a bad mood all week, so I finally demanded to know why. He told me his favourite porn site has suddenly started showing adverts, so now he can’t wank in peace anymore without pop-up ads appearing every 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 252